Cabin Pressure - Helsinki.doc

1、CABIN PRESSURE 2x02 HelsinkiAIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Golf Tango India, Im going to clear you to start after Golf Echo Echo.DOUGLAS: Thank you Carl, ready to go after Golf Echo.AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Thats Golf Echo Echo.DOUGLAS: Sorry Tower, I thought the second Echo was an echo.AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLL

2、ER: What?DOUGLAS: I thought you said Golf Echoecho. When in fact, you said Golf Echo Echo. That is to say, I thought the first Echo was Echo, and the second echo was an echo of Echo. Whereas in fact both Echoes were Echoes and neither echo was an echo.AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Then perhaps I better pu

3、t you right to the back of the queue, while you check your radio equipment, shall I?DOUGLAS: Golf Tango India ready to follow Golf Echo EchoOPENING CREDITS.This week: Helsinki!-Douglas hums happily-MARTIN: Oh! Hello Douglas. Good Lord!DOUGLAS: Ah. Morning Martin. I wasnt expecting you just yet.MARTI

4、N: Evidently not!DOUGLAS: Have you picked up the weather?MARTIN: Uh, yes. North Sea turbulence, clear skies at Helsinki.DOUGLAS: Oh Jolly Good!MARTIN: Douglas I cannot help but notice, youve filled the flight deck with orchids.DOUGLAS: Yes. Yes, I have done that. Yes.MARTIN: Are you about to propose

5、 to me?DOUGLAS: It pains me to break your heart Martin, but no. These are for another man, a Finnish customs officer named Milo, to be exact.MARTIN: And what does he have that I dont have?DOUGLAS: Fishcakes. MARTIN: Really?DOUGLAS: Also: salmon, turbot and langoustine.MARTIN: Oh Douglas, youre not s

6、muggling againDOUGLAS: Absolutely not, perish the thought! A simple exchange of gifts! You see, a friend gave me these orchids when we were in Cyprus, as a token of appreciation, for the sixteen jars of barnaise sauce I gave him, which were in turn an unwanted gift from a friend in Marseille. The or

7、chids are lovely, but not quite my thing, so I shall pass them on to my friend in Helsinki, and who knows? He may wish to show his gratitude by presenting me with assorted fish, and fish products, which would be just the very thing for a friend of mine in Zurich. Theyre rather short of fresh seafood

8、 in Switzerlanddont know why.MARTIN: I see. But if you just keep bartering each thing along, whats the point?DOUGLAS: Well put it this way: I have here about five hundred EUROS worth of flowers, and I shall exchange them for about five hundred and sixty EUROS worth of fish. And I started three month

9、s ago with a cheese sandwich right thats most of them hidden away, could you put this bunch under your seat?MARTIN: OoofARTHUR: Good morning, good morning, good morning gents, teas, coffees, keys, toffees!DOUGLAS: Morning Arthur. You seem a little low-spiritedARTHUR: Do I?DOUGLAS: No.MARTIN: What is

10、 it this time? Did the numbers you would have picked in the lottery come up again?ARTHUR: Oh that was a great day, wasnt it? Sixty thousand pounds! MARTIN: That you didnt win.ARTHUR: But thats what my numbers were worth! Brilliant! No, no, nothing like that. No, ah- lets just say Im really looking f

11、orward to meeting our passenger today.DOUGLAS: Oooh! Who is it? Lets seeMister Arthur Millener; stockbroker. Yes, he sounds enormous fun!CAROLYN: Oh youre here already. Whatre you doing in here?MARTIN: Arranging flowers.CAROLYN: Dont get sarcastic with me! MARTIN: Sorry Carolyn.ARTHUR: Excuse me, ba

12、ck in a minuteCAROLYN: Right, youve got clear skies at Helsinki, your alternate is Stockholm, Douglas you operate out. DOUGLAS: Wilko. Whos this Millener chap were flying then? Arthur seems very keen to meet him.CAROLYN: No idea. Internet booking payments gone through fine, though, and so.ARTHUR: Ha

13、ppy Birthday!CAROLYN: Ohh you remembered!DOUGLAS: Oh yes! Happy Birthday!MARTIN: Yes! Happy birthday!ARTHUR: You thought Id forgotten didnt you?CAROLYN: Well I wasnt sureARTHUR: Of course not! Not a special birthday like this one!CAROLYN: Whats so special about sixty-three? ARTHUR: Well you know, be

14、cause of the song Do you still like me, can you still see me? No, Im sixty-three!DOUGLAS: Ah, that song. Carolyn youre aware I had forgotten, arent you?CAROLYN: Yes, dont worry; I forgot to put any money on your expenses card. Paying for your own hotel room can be your present.DOUGLAS: Thatsthats a

15、very big present!CAROLYN: I know! Im such a lucky girl! You shouldnt have!MARTIN: I didnt forget.CAROLYN: Didnt you?DOUGLAS: Didnt you?MARTIN: No, I hid my present under my seat! Its-these.CAROLYN: Oh orchids! How lovely!DOUGLAS: Gosh! How generous of you, Martin.MARTIN: Not that generous.DOUGLAS: P

16、retty generous, orchids are very expensive.MARTIN: Quite expensive, not all that expensive.DOUGLAS: Youd be surprisedMARTIN: No, I wouldnt!DOUGLAS: Yes, you will.ARTHUR: My present then, time for my present!CAROLYN: Yes Im sorry dear, what is it?ARTHUR: Well its a pretty special one, and its in the

17、cabin so, are you ready?CAROLYN: Yes.ARTHUR: Mum, its been fifteen years since youve seen her but today, for your birthday, get ready to meetyour sister Ruth!CAROLYN: Oh.ARTHUR: And her husband Philip, and her grandson Kieran hurray!KIERAN: Arent you going to say anything to her, granny?RUTH: Well K

18、ieran, when a lady is asked to drive a hundred and fifty miles to meet her sister, she naturally assumes its because her sister has something to say to her. But evidently not.CAROLYN: Arthur, during your no doubt-meticulous planning of this occasion, did it occur to you that if two sisters havent sp

19、oken for fifteen years, there might be a reason for it? ARTHUR: No.CAROLYN: Ah. Well regrettably youll have to tell your aunt shes wasted her time. We are about to leave for Helsinki and I have much to do.ARTHUR: Aha! Thats the second part of my present.CAROLYN: What?ARTHUR: I booked the trip! So we

20、 can all go together!MARTIN: You booked the trip?DOUGLAS: Youre Arthur Millener?ARTHUR: Yes!MARTIN: Millener? Why Millener?ARTHUR: Because its not my name but it sounds like a name that someone might have.MARTIN: And Arthur?ARTHUR: That was the clever bit, its the last name youd expect me to use, be

21、cause it actually is my name!DOUGLAS: To be honest Arthur, I think the moment you decided to book your aunt on a fake flight to Helsinki you had us on the back footexpectations wise.CAROLYN: Arthur, a word with you in the galleyARTHUR: I dont want to.CAROLYN: I want you to.DOUGLAS: Oh dear. This is

22、a little awkward, isnt it?RUTH: Its not awkward for meDOUGLAS: Oh good. Just the rest of us then.RUTH: No.No its not awkward for my husband, its not awkward for my grandson, weve nothing to feel awkward about; we accepted an invitation in good faith.DOUGLAS: So Philip, what line of work are you in?R

23、UTH: My husbands deafDOUGLAS: Ah. That explains much.RUTH: What does it explain?DOUGLAS: Why he cant hear me.KIERAN: Are you the captain?DOUGLAS: No, Im the first officer, this is theMARTIN: Im the captain.KIERAN: Youre very young to be a captain.MARTIN: Oh for goodness sake, youre an actual child!K

24、IERAN: No, I mean, wow! Youre very young to be a captain! Did you display exceptional leadership skills and goal focus? MARTIN: Ah well, its not for me to sayDOUGLAS: And yet, and yetKIERAN: Because I also display exceptional leadership skills and goal focus. And thats a verbatim quote from my repor

25、t. Are you prepared to share the techniques of your success?MARTIN: Oh well, yes, theres probably a tip or two I can pass along. What do you say we have you up in the flight deck once we get under way, eh? KIERAN: I am delighted to accept!DOUGLAS: And the small matter of the anti-terrorism laws, cap

26、tain?MARTIN: Ohh lets not get too hide-bound by rules and regs, eh number one?DOUGLAS: Number one?MARTIN: Douglas.RUTH: And when will we be getting under way, might I ask?DOUGLAS: Ah. Of course, not having seen your sister for so long, its possible you may have missed certain subtle signs just now t

27、hat would warn the experienced Carolyn watcher not to bank on seeing Helsinki today. Sorry to rain on your parade Martin.MARTIN: No, no, no, my parades fine. Bone dry. Bad news for the import/export parade though Id have thought. I wonder how long fresh orchids keep.DOUGLAS: Ah. Excuse me for a mome

28、nt.CAROLYN: And how did you even pay for it?ARTHUR: With a credit card, online.CAROLYN: You dont have a credit card.ARTHUR: Your credit card.CAROLYN: My credit card!?ARTHUR: No because it doesnt matter, because its your plane, so youre just paying yourself, its free! CAROLYN: The fuels not free, the

29、 landing fees are not free, the business we would have had if Mister Arthur-idiot-Millener hadnt been hogging the plane isnt free. Ah, Douglas, good. Arthur, go and tell Ruth and her hangers on to sling their collective hook.ARTHUR: Ok. Sorry mum.CAROLYN: And Douglas, cancel the flight plan.DOUGLAS:

30、 Are you sure?CAROLYN: Of course Im sure! Im not spending time and fuel taking my rotten sister on a jolly to Finland.DOUGLAS: You know best. She did come all this wayCAROLYN: Because she smelt a freebie!DOUGLAS: Maybe. She still came though. And then theres Arthur. Internet booking, pseudonym, secr

31、et phone calls to Lancashire. Thats a lot of work he put in, especially for an idiot.CAROLYN: Now just call me a cynical old batDOUGLAS:*Inhales*CAROLYN: Dont even think about it. But is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive for this trip going ahead?DOUGLAS:

32、 Carolyn, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play - but even soCAROLYN: Would I have to talk to her?DOUGLAS: Flying her to Finland in silence might seem a little eccentric.RUTH: And not just for the petrol mind? Theres Philips l

33、oss of earnings to think of, theres general wear and tear CAROLYN: So, Ruth.RUTH: Im sorry, is somebody talking to me?CAROLYN: Yes, Im talking to you.RUTH: Well, thank you.CAROLYN: For what?RUTH: For accepting you were in the wrong.CAROLYN: I didnt!RUTH: Well you implicitly did by being the first to

34、 speak.CAROLYN: No I didnt RUTH: Well you did. So apology accepted.CAROLYN: Apology not givenRUTH: Apology still accepted. Now what did you want?CAROLYN: All I want is to tell exactly where you can go Ruth! And that is to-DOUGLAS: Carolyn.CAROLYN: -Helsinki. Would you - would you like to go to Helsi

35、nki?RUTH: Well. I suppose now were here and youve apologized.CAROLYN: I havent.RUTH: Alright then.CAROLYN: GoodRUTH: Yes.ARTHUR: Hurray!MARTIN: Incidentally Arthur, why on earth Helsinki?ARTHUR: Ive just always wanted to go to Helsinki. It sounds really fun!MARTIN: What have you ever heard about Hel

36、sinki?ARTHUR: Nothing! I mean the name!: Helsinki! How could you not have fun in Helsinki? Is like half helter skelter and half twinkly! DOUGLAS: Ive always thought it sounds like a sink in hellARTHUR: Well now youve spoilt it.AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Golf Tango India, join the visual circuit at thre

37、e thousand feet, turn left, follow your nose, and if you get lost, stop and ask.DOUGLAS: Yes, thank you Carl, roger. ARTHUR: Ah chaps? Little chap here said you said he could come up. KIERAN: Im not a little chap!ARTHUR: Yes, you are.MARTIN: Oh yes! Come on in Kieran!ARTHUR: Uh Skipper says you can

38、go inKIERAN: Yes, I heard him.ARTHUR: Um, its my job to tell you.KIERAN: What a stupid job!ARTHUR: No, youve got a stupid job!KIERAN: Im at school!ARTHUR: Yeah! MARTIN: Kieran, hello! Sit yourself down there, we call that the jump seat KIERAN: Yes, I know!MARTIN: Okay, so this array of screens and k

39、nobs might look very imposing, but its actually not so very different from your dads carWhat?KIERAN: Im sorry, its just I have Microsoft Flight Simulator X Deluxe Edition. I do three to four hour training every day.DOUGLAS: Playing you mean.KIERAN: No, I use it as a training tool.DOUGLAS: Mmm, but i

40、ts a game, soplaying.KIERAN: Anyway, Im probably familiar with more flight instruments layouts than you are.MARTIN: Well I doubt it actually. Ive also got Flight Simulator.KIERAN: Oh, which edition?MARTIN: Ninety-five.KIERAN: And how often do you train on it?DOUGLAS: Play on it.MARTIN: Most days.DOU

41、GLAS: Hang on, hang on Martin. You come home after ten or twelve hours flying an aeroplane and then to wind down, you sit in front of the computer and pretend to fly an aeroplane.KIERAN: Perfectly sensible procedure! Allows you to revise infrequently met hazards.MARTIN: Yes! Exactly, you see Douglas

42、?DOUGLAS: I see that your life meets with the approval of the obsessive fourteen year old boy.KIERAN: Obsessive is just a word the disorganized use for the focused.DOUGLAS: Its not the only word they use MARTIN: Ignore him! Just ignore him! Now then, what did you want to ask me?KIERAN: Ah, well, let

43、 me start by getting an idea of your hinterland. What are your outside interests?MARTIN: Outside of what?KIERAN: Outside flying.MARTIN: Outside flying?KIERAN: Yes!MARTIN: You mean what else am I interested in apart from flying?KIERAN: Yeah! Like ah, for instance I have Grade 7 Lute and Im not even g

44、oing to take Grade 8 cause my tutor says Id be better off spending the time getting to concert standard. MARTIN: Well no, I dont play the luteKIERAN: And Im an orange belt in karate!DOUGLAS: Orange? Scariest of all the colors.KIERAN: Yeah, well, its scary enough that Im classified as a deadly weapon

45、 and actually forbidden by law from using my skills except in self-defense!DOUGLAS: Goodness! How you must long for someone to clip you around the ear!MARTIN: Douglas!RUTH: So! This is your husbands famous executive jet!CAROLYN: Its not an executive jet, hes not my husband and its not his. But other

46、wise, spot on!RUTH: Mmmqueer little thing, isnt it? Is the wing supposed to be doing that?CAROLYN: Yes it is!RUTH: And this noise is normal, is it?CAROLYN: Perfectly normal!RUTH: And is this supposed to come off?CAROLYN: Yes! No, give it to me.RUTH: How is your ex-husband, anyway?CAROLYN: You know v

47、ery well I dont talk to him.RUTH: Oh Im sorry, I didnt mean that ex-husband, I meant your other ex-husband.CAROLYN: Hes fine, I believe.RUTH: Oh good. I always liked Ian CAROLYN: Yes I remember.RUTH: Sorry to put my foot in it, I forgot you have such a complicated life.CAROLYN: I wouldnt call it a c

48、omplicated life.RUTH: Oh wouldnt you? What would you call it then?CAROLYN: A life.ARTHUR: Oh hey ma! Ah hello auntie Ruth! Catching up? Great-would you like a drink? Orange juice? Coke?CAROLYN: I would like a triple scotch and I would very much like to be the one that fetches it.ARTHUR: Oh right, th

49、ats brilliant actually, auntie Ruth wheres the cake?RUTH: What cake?ARTHUR: The birthday cake. Mums birthday cake.RUTH: I dont know.ARTHUR: Butdidnt you get my e-mail? Asking you to bring a cake?RUTH: Yes I got it. I didnt reply though, did I?ARTHUR: Just thought you might like to bring a cake.RUTH: Why? Because Im just some stay-at-home-housewife whod be only all too ever-so-pleased to do the baking for Little Miss Busi