Cabin Pressure - Molokai.doc

1、Christmas Special (Molokai)DOUGLAS: Air-con?MARTIN: Off.DOUGLAS: Anti-collision light?MARTIN: On.DOUGLAS: Fuel pump switches?MARTIN: On.DOUGLAS: Dasher?MARTIN: On.DOUGLAS: Dancer?MARTIN: On.DOUGLAS: Prancer and Vixen?MARTIN: On. Comet?DOUGLAS: On.MARTIN: Cupid?DOUGLAS: On. MARTIN: Donner and Blitzen

2、?DOUGLAS: To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!MARTIN: Dash away!DOUGLAS and MARTIN: Dash away! Dash away all!OPENING CREDITS - This Christmas, Molokai!OCEANIC ATC: Thank you, Golf Tango India. Continue as cleared.DOUGLAS: Golf Tango India, continue as cleared. Thank you, Oceanic, and mer

3、ry Christmas.OCEANIC ATC: Im a Shinto Buddhist.DOUGLAS: And may you be a merry one. (There is a distinctly Arthurian trumpeting sound.) Ah, Arthurs awoken. Brace yourself.MARTIN: What for?DOUGLAS: Oh, is this the first time youve flown with Arthur on Christmas morning?(Flight deck door opens.)ARTHUR

4、: Get dressed, you merry gentlemen! Let nothing you dismay! For it is Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Day!DOUGLAS: Yes ARTHUR: Its Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Day!MARTIN: Arthur ARTHUR: It is Chri-i-i-i-istmas Day, Chri-istmas Day! It is Chr

5、i-i-i-i-ismas Day!DOUGLAS: Are you finished?ARTHUR: Not necessarily! I know other verses.MARTIN: No, you dont! You dont even know that one.ARTHUR: With respect, Skip, I absolutely do know that one. It goes Get dressed, you merry gentlemen -MARTIN: No, no, it doesnt. Its not get dressed its God rest.

6、 God rest you merry gentlemen.ARTHUR: No, its not.MARTIN: Yes, it is! Why would you be telling them to get dressed?ARTHUR: Because its Christmas!MARTIN: What, so theyre naked?ARTHUR: No, theyre in bed! Its saying come on, you merry gentlemen its Christmas! Upnat em! Get dressed. Lets do our stocking

7、s!MARTIN: No, its God rest.ARTHUR: Well, that makes no sense. God rest, you merry gentlemen? Whats a God rest?DOUGLAS: Somewhere to put your god?MARTIN: Not God rest you merry gentlemen. Its God rest you, merry gentlemen!ARTHUR: Well, that makes no sense either!DOUGLAS: Actually, its neither. Its Go

8、d rest you merry, gentlemen. As in Happy Christmas, gentlemen. I hope God gives you a restful and merry one and doesnt accidentally shut you in a flying cupboard with a pair of idiots.ARTHUR: Oh, cheer up, Douglas! Well be back in Tokyo in no time, and then weve got the rest of Christmas off. What a

9、re you going to do?DOUGLAS: Go back to the hotel, bit of sleep, ring my daughter, and then go out and ingest a quite heroic quantity of festive sushi.ARTHUR: How about you, Skip?MARTIN: I dont know. Ill probably sit by the pool, read a book.ARTHUR: Oh, Skip! Thats not very Christmassy.MARTIN: Well,

10、Im not that big on Christmas.ARTHUR: Well, if you change your mind, youre both welcome to join mum and me. We found this brilliant Japanese restaurant called The Auspicious Pig and Whistle Old England Style Happy Pub, and were having turkey and Christmas pudding and presents and carols and stockings

11、 and silly hats and mulled wine.DOUGLAS: All quite low key then, is it? (There is a bing-bong.) Oooh, Bing-bong merrily on high! In heaven, the phone is ringing.MARTIN: Hello? Captain Crieff.CAROLYN: Martin! Tokyo calling. Merry Christmas! Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men even pilots. How was

12、Hong Kong?MARTIN: Are you all right, Carolyn?CAROLYN: Perfectly, thank you, but, more importantly, are you all right? Sleep well? Nice and well rested, are you?DOUGLAS: Martin, dont MARTIN: Yes, thanks. I DOUGLAS: Its a trap!CAROLYN: Good! Now then, my festive fliers, you remember that friendly litt

13、le chat we had about working at Christmas?DOUGLAS: No, I dont. I remember an enormous argument, when you announced that youd booked us to fly Japanese golfers back and forth all through Christmas week without asking us.CAROLYN: Well, Im sorry, but Christmas wasnt on the wall chart.DOUGLAS: Christmas

14、 was on the wall chart. It was written on the wall chart by the makers of the wall chart. And I remember us finally, very graciously, agreeing to do it, on the strict understanding that our last Hong Kong run would be on Christmas morning, and wed be back in Tokyo with the rest of the day to ourselv

15、es by midday precisely.CAROLYN: Yes, well, Id like to propose a very minor tweak to that arrangement, by which you can still get back into Tokyo at noon.MARTIN: Yes.?CAROLYN: And there you pick up me and a Russian yacht broker, and fly us on to Hawaii.MARTIN: Hawaii?CAROLYN: Hmm, the island of Molok

16、ai, to be precise, which Mr. Alyakhin either owns a beach resort on or quite possibly just owns its not entirely clear.DOUGLAS: So you want us to spend another seven hours of Christmas Day in an aeroplane?CAROLYN: Look, this is in all our best interests. Mr. Alyakhin is a huge charter firm user, and

17、 if we can get on his list, then our ridiculous business (the survival of which is already as astonishing as when you go into a motorway service station and see theyve still got a Wimpy) might just continue into the New Year.ARTHUR: But, but mum? What about our Christmas? At the Auspicious Pig and W

18、histle? With the turkey and pudding and stockings and a tree and mulled wine?CAROLYN: Yes, dont worry - well still do all that, but in sunny Hawaii. Itll be exactly the same, but with less sake and more hula.ARTHUR: Okay.CAROLYN: Ooh, and Arthur? This is a very important client, so well be giving hi

19、m our very best customer service, okay?ARTHUR: Absolutely, mum! Ill pull out all the stops.CAROLYN: Ah, no, no, no. Our very best customer service.ARTHUR: Oh, right. Ill hide in the galley and let you do everything.CAROLYN: Good boy!DOUGLAS: Post ruddy take-off checks grudgingly completed, Captain.

20、By a First Officer who should, by all natural laws, be just tucking in to his seventh hosomaki.MARTIN: Douglas, Im sure theyll have sushi somewhere on Molokai.DOUGLAS: Im sure they wont. Theyll have Chicken Santa Burgers. And pretzels.ARTHUR: So, so twelve plus seven is nineteen, and nineteen oclock

21、 is dont tell me! One oclock is thirteen. Two oclock is fourteen. Three oclock is fifteen MARTIN: Seven oclock, Arthur.ARTHUR: Oh, okay, so we we still get Christmas evening?DOUGLAS: Plus the five hour time difference.ARTHUR: Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve oh.MARTIN: Sorry.ARTHUR: No, I I dont rea

22、lly mind. Well just have our Christmas on Boxing Day. Thats - thatll be almost as good. Pretty much. Nearly as good. In some ways. Anyway, Im not all that bothered about Christmas. I think its been over-commercialised. MARTIN: Do you?ARTHUR: Yes, I do.DOUGLAS: Thats an interesting opinion.ARTHUR: It

23、s one Ive long held.DOUGLAS: What does over-commercialised mean?ARTHUR: It means its too much, um, its over it used to be under, but now its I dont know! Terry on the fire crew said it, and it sounded really grown up. But I love Christmas! Its my equal favourite time of year with my birthday, summer

24、, Easter, mums birthday and Lent.DOUGLAS: Oh, cheer up. Itll be round again before you know it.ARTHUR: Yeah. Yeah, I know. Doesnt really matter. Scuse me, chaps. Im just going to go sit in the galley for a bit. You better not pout. You better not cry.MARTIN: Douglas?DOUGLAS: Hmm?MARTIN: I was just t

25、hinking about poor old Arthur, missing out on his big Christmas, you know, his turkey, pudding, presents and silly hats and so on.DOUGLAS: Hmm.MARTIN: Well, well, I I was just thinking, if we wanted, we could probably sort of do some of those things here, couldnt we, in the flight deck?DOUGLAS: I th

26、ought you said you were glad to be missing Christmas?MARTIN: Oh, I am! No, completely, but for Arthurs sake.DOUGLAS: And how do you propose to cook a turkey dinner at thirty-five thousand feet?MARTIN: I dont know, but well think of something, and the others seem quite doable.DOUGLAS: Of that list, a

27、s far as I can see, all weve got are hats.MARTIN: Yeah, and theyre not very silly ones.DOUGLAS: Yours is quite silly.MARTIN: I keep telling you! I didnt ask for extra - its just the standard amount of gold braid they put on a captains hat these days.DOUGLAS: In the Democratic Republic of Congo, mayb

28、e.MARTIN: Well, anyway, what do you think? Fancy a flight deck Christmas?DOUGLAS: I think its an utterly stupid idea for two reasons: one of which is obvious, and the other of which is that Arthur is twenty-nine years old.MARTIN: Pass the time, though.DOUGLAS: Oh, go on, then.(Intercom beeps.)MARTIN

29、: Arthur, could you step into the flight deck?CAROLYN: So what exactly is it your company does, Mr. Alyakhin?MR. ALYAKHIN: We sell yachts.CAROLYN: Oh, what sort of yachts?MR. ALYAKHIN: Massive yachts.CAROLYN: To whom?MR. ALYAKHIN: To people who do not have massive yachts or more often to people who

30、do have massive yachts but who would now like another yacht even more massive. Or newer. Or less sunken.CAROLYN: And do you use a lot of private air travel?MR. ALYAKHIN: Every spring, we are more or less constantly flying clients out to Antibes. CAROLYN: Well, I do hope this spring youll consider MJ

31、N Air.MR. ALYAKHIN: Ah ha ha ha ha. Im sorry. Ha. You are very good to support your employers, but my clients they expect a little more than, you know, a minibus with wings.CAROLYN: Well, actually, I am the CEO of this company.MR. ALYAKHIN: Really? But also the stewardess?CAROLYN: For our most impor

32、tant clients, yes.MR. ALYAKHIN: Hmm, this is perhaps one small thing in your favour. Most of the firms we use, the stewardesses are very young, very beautiful, and the clients, of course, they like this, but sometimes it causes hm problems. You, I think, would not cause these problems.CAROLYN: No.MR

33、. ALYAKHIN: No. You are more like, uh, old babushka.CAROLYN: Am I really?MR. ALYAKHIN: You know this word babushka?CAROLYN: Yes. Yes, I do. Thank you.MR. ALYAKHIN: Yes, its not really a compliment.CAROLYN: No. So will you will you consider us?MR. ALYAKHIN: No.CAROLYN: But MR. ALYAKHIN: Seriously, no

34、. Now, what wines do you have?CAROLYN: Well, I gave you the wine list earlier.MR. ALYAKHIN: Yes, I read that. It was very funny. What wines do you have?CAROLYN: Those are our wines.MR. ALYAKHIN: Ah, very well. Luckily I did a little bit of shopping in Tokyo. Serve me this, please, babushka.MARTIN: Y

35、es, Arthur, but aircraft dont have chimneys.ARTHUR: Why not?DOUGLAS: Shall we move on?MARTIN: Because DOUGLAS: Next presents.ARTHUR: Well, Ive got you all presents, but theyre in the hold.MARTIN: Oh, we could do a Secret Santa!ARTHUR: Oh, great!MARTIN: I write each of our names down on four slips of

36、 paper. Now we all take one.DOUGLAS: Mine says Martin.MARTIN: And we dont say who weve got.DOUGLAS: I bet they all say Martin.MARTIN: No, they dont. And now we think of a present for whoever weve got.DOUGLAS: Like what?MARTIN: Anything. For instance, you could give your person whoever he might be fi

37、rst crack at the cheese tray for a month. Or do the walk round for him next time it rains. Or simply pay him a nice compliment about what a fine commanding officer he DOUGLAS: This can be Carolyns slip. Give me another one.(Door opens.)CAROLYN: Douglas, what are you doing in the galley?DOUGLAS: Sear

38、ching for turkey.CAROLYN: Well, I think theres an old chicken sandwich in the door of the fridge.(Fridge is opened.)DOUGLAS: Aha! Oh, by the way, Im supposed to tell you were having a Secret Santa.CAROLYN: What fresh hell is this?DOUGLAS: One of those things where youre given a slip with someones na

39、me on it and you get them a present. Youve got Martin.CAROLYN: Look, tell him Im sorry but I just dont have time to oh! Unless.does he like red wine?DOUGLAS: Martin? I think so, yes.CAROLYN: Fine. Ill give him this then. Mr. Alyakhin just gave me this bottle to serve him. Its nothing too special, is

40、 it?DOUGLAS: Oh! Petrus 2005. Thats rather nice actually.CAROLYN: Oh, well, its Martins lucky day then.DOUGLAS: And what are you planning to serve Mr. Alyakhin?CAROLYN: Well, what do you think? The same wine box Chateau Gatwick we give everyone.DOUGLAS: What happened to our very best customer servic

41、e?CAROLYN: Well, firstly, everyones palate is shot at thirty-five thousand feet, and hell never notice, and secondly, he calls me babushka.DOUGLAS: And yet he lives.MARTIN: Hmm, now what about a tree? Any ideas?ARTHUR: Hmm. If we had a bush, we could put it on a stick.MARTIN: Any ideas that dont rely on us having a bush?