Cabin Pressure - Newcastle.doc

1、Cabin Pressure Transcript: 3x03 Newcastle (Carolyn opens the door of the portacabin) CAROLYN: Boys, weve just picked up an extra job. There shall be buns for tea. Wheres Martin? DOUGLAS: Hes not in yet. ARTHUR: Whats the job, Mum? CAROLYN: For Air Caledonian, (Scottish accent) the wee Scottish airli

2、ne. (Normal accent) One of their pilots has gone sick in Newcastle. They want us to fly out the covering crew. I do like flying other pilots! You dont have to hold back with them. DOUGLAS: Do you do much holding back with the passengers normally, then? CAROLYN: Of course I do! DOUGLAS: Good Lord. AR

3、THUR: Mum, weve only got two pilots. What would we do if one of them went sick? CAROLYN: They wouldnt dare. ARTHUR: But what if they did? CAROLYN: Then Im sure wed think of something. (The portacabin door opens.) CAROLYN: Ah, there you are, Martin. MARTIN (sounding very different because hes played

4、by Tom Goodman-Hill, as Benedict Cumberbatch went sick): Hullo, Carolyn. What have I missed? ARTHUR: Hi, Skip! Youre looking very well. MARTIN: Oh. Thank you, Arthur. ARTHUR: Dont you think, Douglas? DOUGLAS: Not specially. I think he looks exactly the same as always. This week, Newcastle! (Douglas

5、comes into the office while the printer is running.) DOUGLAS: Hullo, Martin. Are the pilots here yet? MARTIN: Were the pilots, Douglas. DOUGLAS: Yes, but the proper pilots. MARTIN: Not yet, no. (The printer finishes running.) DOUGLAS: Ah, is that the flight plan? MARTIN: No, its mine. Leave it. DOUG

6、LAS: Oh, Martin. Please dont tell me youve written a slim volume of verse! (He picks up the printed paper.) DOUGLAS: Oh. A c.v. MARTIN: Umm . DOUGLAS: Goodness. Feeling the call of the Highlands, are we? Fancy ourselves in tartan epaulettes and a flying kilt? MARTIN: Theres nothing wrong with trying

7、 to advance ones career. DOUGLAS: Not at all! So, whats the plan? Fly them to Newcastle with such panache and lan that the captain feels compelled to recommend you to their Chief McPilot? MARTIN: Look, I know its a long shot, but if the captain and I should happen to hit it off, you never know. DOUG

8、LAS: You never do. What flight time do you have from Fitton to Newcastle? MARTIN: Twenty-five minutes. DOUGLAS: Hmm. Lets hope hes the sort who makes friends quickly. CAROLYN (coming in): All right, look sharp. The pilots are here. MARTIN: We are the pilots. CAROLYN: I mean the proper pilots. MARTIN

9、 (angrily): Could everyone please stop calling them that?! (The portacabin door opens.) HERC (well-spoken English accent): Good morning. MJN Air? DOUGLAS: Herc! HERC: Douglas! (They promptly simultaneously go into what sounds like an old rugby or drinking chant.) MARTIN: Oh, terrific(!) HERC: How th

10、e devil are you? Not seen you since . well, well, for a long time. But havent you done well for yourself? I see from your uniform youve become a Bolivian tank commander. DOUGLAS: Yes, its an exuberant little number, isnt it? And youre a Scotsman now, are you? HERC: Ah, you dont have to be Scottish t

11、o fly for a Scottish airline, you know? DOUGLAS: Dont you? Thats interesting, isnt it, Martin? Oh, Martin, this is Captain Herc Shipwright old friend of mine from Air England. MARTIN: Yes, I thought he might be. HERC: Martin, pleasure. Hope this lazy old sod doesnt work you too hard. MARTIN (tightly

12、): Not really, no. Im the captain. HERC: Oh, gosh, so you are. Terribly sorry. So, Douglas, does that mean youre . DOUGLAS (talking over him): And this is Carolyn. HERC: Charmed. Herc. CAROLYN: “Herc”? HERC: Thats it, yes, yes. Short for “Hercules”. Dad was rather eccentric. After the aircraft, thou

13、gh, rather than the hero. I find I never know if that makes it better or worse. CAROLYN: Do you have any brothers? HERC: Wellington and Harrier. CAROLYN: Sisters? HERC: Sarah. He was eccentric, not mad. Youre the cabin crew, then, I take it. CAROLYN: I am the owner and the CEO. HERC: Oh gosh, are yo

14、u? Well done! CAROLYN: What do you mean, “Well done”? HERC: I dont know. Nothing, really. CAROLYN: “Well done for running a big scary company all by yourself, you clever little lady”? HERC: No, no, absolutely not. No, just a general . you know . “good for you”. CAROLYN: I see. So youd still have sai

15、d “Well done” if Id been an ugly middle-aged man in a suit, would you? HERC: The thought is inconceivable. So, its you I do the forms and what-not with, is it? CAROLYN: Yes. So please step into my office from where I administrate my airline. HERC: Right you are. Ah, heres my first officer. (The port

16、acabin door opens.) HERC: I thought Id lost you. Chaps, this is Linda Fairben. Linda, these are some chaps. LINDA (Scottish accent): Hello. MARTIN: Oh! HERC: Back in a tick. (The door to Carolyns office closes.) LINDA: “Oh”? MARTIN: Oh how lovely to see you. LINDA: Have we met before? MARTIN: I dont

17、 think so, no. People havent usually met me before. LINDA: Sorry? MARTIN: I mean, theyve-theyve normally met Douglas before if theyve met anyone. I mean, obviously the people whove met me before have met me before, but there arent many of those because I-I havent . met . most people. DOUGLAS: Dougla

18、s Richardson. How lovely to meet you. LINDA: And you. Oh, is that your plane out there? DOUGLAS: That rather swish Gulfstream? Alas, no. You see the forlorn object facing it and thereby providing it with a rather grim memento mori? Thats Gerti.LINDA: Yes, thats what I meant. The Lockheed McDonnell 3

19、12. MARTIN: Oh! Yes, thats it! LINDA: Fantastic! I didnt realise there were any of those still flying. MARTIN: Well, there arent many. DOUGLAS: And those there are barely do. MARTIN: Thats very impressive, though. Not many people know what it is. DOUGLAS: Most people have to stop and think before sa

20、ying, “Aeroplane.” LINDA: Well, I was a big plane spotter when I was a girl, so . MARTIN: Really?! Me too! LINDA: What, when you were a girl? MARTIN: What? No, no. Oh . (He giggles inanely.) Yes, when I was a girl. No when I was a boy. I-I was never a girl. DOUGLAS: Yes. Good. To be absolutely clear

21、. * (The flight deck door opens) ARTHUR: OK, chaps. Cabin cross-checked and ready for take-off. MARTIN: Thank you, Arthur and hows Captain Shipwright looking? Happy? Relaxed? ARTHUR: I wouldnt say “relaxed”. MARTIN: Oh? Why not? ARTHUR: Well, hes talking to Mum. MARTIN: Whys she still on board? I ca

22、nt ask him for a job with her sitting there. Tell her to get off the plane. ARTHUR: Tell her to? MARTIN: Yes! ARTHUR: Mum? MARTIN: Yes! How hard can it be? ARTHUR: It can be impossible. MARTIN: Go! (Arthur leaves.) DOUGLAS: Youre sure its Herc you want to speak to? MARTIN: What do you mean? DOUGLAS:

23、 Not First Officer Linda, the plane-spotting pride of Penicuik? MARTIN: Well, she cant recommend me, can she? Shes only my age; shes hardly going to know the chief pilot. DOUGLAS: She is about your age, yes, and rather nice, I thought. MARTIN: Why, dyou think . dyou think she . DOUGLAS: So, by the t

24、ime we land in Newcastle, youd ideally like a job recommendation from one of our passengers and a date from the other. MARTIN: Thats not really feasible, is it? DOUGLAS: Its an ambitious programme, certainly. * HERC: All right, I admit it: I said, “Good for you,” because youre a woman. CAROLYN: Ha!

25、HERC: Because youre clearly doing a fine job in what is, unfortunately, a male-dominated profession. CAROLYN: Well now youre changing the terms of the argument. HERC: Yes, I am. CAROLYN: And youre still wrong. ARTHUR: Er, Mum? Captain says to tell you were leaving now. CAROLYN: Right. Thank you. ART

26、HUR: Yes. CAROLYN: Anything else? ARTHUR: No, well, just, um, if youre gonna get off, you should probably get off. CAROLYN: Im not going anywhere. ARTHUR: Well, you sort of will, uh, because by not going anywhere, you will go to Newcastle, if you see what I mean. CAROLYN: All right, then, Ill go to

27、Newcastle. ARTHUR: Yeah, fine. Um, only I think the skippers done the weight calculations based on five people and . CAROLYN: Arthur. If you are about to suggest my weight is going to make us too heavy to take off, very bad things will happen to you. * DOUGLAS: Post take-off checks complete. MARTIN:

28、 Thank you. DOUGLAS: Which means today the pre-landing checks pretty much about to start. MARTIN: Right. OK, I think Ive decided. Im going to concentrate on getting Herc alone and giving him my c.v. DOUGLAS: Awwww. MARTIN: What? Dyou think thats the wrong decision? DOUGLAS: No, I think its probably

29、the right one. Im just an old romantic. (Theres a knock on the door.) DOUGLAS: Come in. (The door opens.) LINDA: Hello, sorry to intrude. Its . the conversation back there was getting a little heated. MARTIN: Oh no, youre welcome. Its lovely to see you and very nice to . see you. LINDA: Thank you, M

30、artin. MARTIN: So, Linda, youre a pilot. LINDA: Yes. MARTIN: Yes, obviously. Sorry. That wasnt a question. That was just a preliminary statement before the actual question that I was going to ask, which is: how long have you been a pilot? LINDA: Twelve years. MARTIN: Twelve years, right. Twelve year

31、s. Well, thats not a long time or a short time. Umm, do you like it? LINDA: What? MARTIN: Being a pilot. LINDA: Yes, I do. Do you? MARTIN: Yes, I do. I like it, like you. I mean, I like it like you do, not I like it like I like you. I dont like you. I mean, I dont not like you, I just, I dont like y

32、ou as much as I like being a pilot. LINDA: Dont you? MARTIN: Well, not yet. I mean, Im sure if I got to know you, Id like you more than being . well, probably not more than, because I love being a pilot and I dont suppose Id love you . well, I suppose I might . no, I mean, Im just gonna go and have

33、a wander down the cabin now. (He leaves the flight deck.) LINDA: Is he always like that? DOUGLAS: No. Hes not terribly good at talking to other pilots, Im afraid. LINDA: Oh. I thought it was because I was a woman. DOUGLAS: And hes atrocious at talking to women, so Im afraid you represent something o

34、f a Perfect Storm. * (Martin pulls back the curtain to the galley.) MARTIN: Arthur! ARTHUR: Oh, hello, Skip! Have you come to talk to me? MARTIN: No. ARTHUR: OK. MARTIN: Ive come to talk to Captain Shipwright. ARTHUR: Oh, right. Well, hes just, uh, through there . MARTIN: I know where he is, but hes

35、 still talking to your mum. I want you to go and get her, bring her back here. ARTHUR: How? MARTIN: Just tell her you need to speak to her in the galley. ARTHUR: Why? MARTIN: It doesnt matter! Anything! Just make something up! ARTHUR: OK! * CAROLYN: . because the sexism inherent in the whole aviatio

36、n industry is now so institutionalised, we falsely imagine it must be justified thats why. HERC: I know! Thats what I was saying, hence “Well done”! CAROLYN: Yes! ARTHUR: Er, could I have a word? CAROLYN: Arthur, I am busy. ARTHUR: Yeah, but theres a problem in the galley. Can you come and have a lo

37、ok? CAROLYN: Sort it out for yourself, Arthur. I wasnt even supposed to be on this flight, remember? ARTHUR: Yeah. Still, since you are here, I think its something you should take a look at. CAROLYN: Well, what is it? ARTHUR: Its hard to describe. Come and have a look. CAROLYN: Just tell me! You can

38、 say it in front of Herc hes not a real passenger. ARTHUR: Right. Well. Its . a fire. HERC: A fire? ARTHUR: Only a little fire. MARTIN (hurrying over): Ah, hello, hello again, Herc. I dont suppose its a fire, is it, Arthur? HERC: He says its a fire. MARTIN: No he doesnt. ARTHUR: No I dont. MARTIN: S

39、ee? ARTHUR: No, not a fire. I didnt mean a fire. MARTIN: Course he didnt. HERC: Well, what did you mean? ARTHUR: Just . smoke. MARTIN: No. HERC: Smoke? Where from? ARTHUR: Im not sure. MARTIN: From something youve cooked, probably. Explicable smoke from cooking. ARTHUR: Yes, thats right, yes. CAROLY

40、N: Youre not cooking anything, Arthur. ARTHUR (desperately): Im not cooking anything, Skip. MARTIN: Right. HERC: So, Captain, I imagine youll be wanting to land immediately. MARTIN: Umm . HERC: I mean, Im not wanting to tell you your job, Captain, but obviously this counts as an emergency and you ne

41、ed to land now. MARTIN (unhappily): Yes I do. * (In an echoing hangar) EDDIE (Birmingham accent): Right, then. Mornin all. Welcome to Birmingham. Nice of you to drop in. Im Eddie, Chief Engineer. Now, Captain Ive had a look round . HERC: Actually, Im merely a passenger on this flight. EDDIE: Oh, sor

42、ry. Ive ad a look round, Captain . DOUGLAS: Youre getting warmer, but no. EDDIE: Bloody ell. Someone give me a clue then. MARTIN: Oh, for goodness sake, its me! Look at my arm! Look at my hat! EDDIE: Very nice. So, Captain, Ive ad as I may have said a look round and theres absolutely nothing wrong a

43、t all. Well, I say that theres about a dozen things wrong, but nothing thatd cause smoke in the galley. DOUGLAS: Just one of lifes mysteries, then: the self-igniting and -extinguishing galley. Perhaps well never know its secrets. CAROLYN: All right, can we just get back up in the air, please? DOUGLA

44、S: Maybe it was the ghost of some of Arthurs cruelly-burned toast. MARTIN: Yes, if youd all like to get back on board . DOUGLAS: No takers for the ghost toast? Shame. MARTIN: Er, Linda, this way. LINDA: Yeah, I just wanted to ask Eddie, though: sorry, what did you mean, “a dozen things wrong”? EDDIE

45、: Well, look at it. Its only gaffer tape and hope keeping it together. MARTIN: Er, actually, this is a perfectly airworthy craft. There may be a few superficial cosmetic snags, but I conduct a meticulous walk-round before every flight. EDDIE: Oh yeah? Wheres your tail navigation light, then? Or does

46、nt your meticulous walk-round extend to looking up? MARTIN: It . Oh. Well, Im sure it was fine when we left. I would have noticed. The bulb must have blown while we were in the air. EDDIE: Probably, yeah. ow long was that, again? Seven minutes, did you say? MARTIN: Well, then, youd better replace it

47、, hadnt you? EDDIE: Eh? MARTIN: Youve identified a fault on my aircraft. Thank you. Now, naturally, I expect you to make it good. LINDA: Martin, dyou not think wed be better off getting under way? EDDIE: Its a light, Captain, a little twinkly light so no-one flies into the back of you in the dark. I

48、 reckon you can risk going without it at midday. MARTIN: We might be delayed. It might get dark. EDDIE: Youre flying from Birmingham to Newcastle. Which way round the globe are you plannin on going? MARTIN (getting on his high horse): Look, I happen to be the commander of this vessel, and if you wan

49、t me to sign off your tech log, we will do this please by the book. EDDIE: All right then, Commander. By the book it shall be. MARTIN: Thank you. EDDIE: So the first thing well need is a cherry picker. MARTIN: What? What for? EDDIE: To reach the tail light. MARTIN: But its right here! You can reach it! You only