ApplicationEssay写作第三课DescriptiveStructure.doc

1、Application Essay 写作 第三课 Descriptive Structure Descriptive StructureThis is similar to the chronological structure except that instead of walking step by step through increments of time, it follows step by step through a description of a place, person, or thing. The first paragraph gives an introduc

2、tion describing the general feel of the place, person, or thing. The body paragraphs offer in-depth descriptions of two or three particular aspects of the place, person, or thing. In the last paragraph, the writer steps out of the descriptive mode and offers a brief conclusion of what the place, per

3、son, or thing says about him or her.SAMPLE ESSAY 1:Harvard, personal identity: Bedroom tourIf someone were to look through your bedroom, what do you hope your possessions would convey about you?A typical teens room? In some respects, yes, but in many ways, my room has become an extension of my perso

4、nality, interests and values. Upon entering, one would probably notice the lack of any music group, scantily clad female model, or indeed, any adornment at all on my walls. I prefer the unsoiled look of clean walls, which provide a sense of calm. However, my room is far from military precision and o

5、rder; my bed lies unmade and yesterdays wardrobe gathers dust on the floor. The visitor may consider my room tidy, but not inflexible.While touring my room, one would surely stop to look through the rooms workspace, my desk and computer. The desktop is fairly organized, consisting of a pencil holder

6、, desk calendar, and assorted textbooks. The calendar is full of important dates-tests, deadlines, and of course, the rare days off from school. Academics are one of my highest priorities, but would be useless without occasional relaxation. Above my desk hangs a bulletin board. Similar to the calend

7、ar, it holds important pieces of information, as well as a few personal items. A postcard, a present from my grandfather, would likely catch ones eye. The postcard is from my homeland, and includes a famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It reminds me of the country I was born in, and the ties I have to m

8、y original culture. Directly below the postcard hang a few baby pictures of myself, mementos of a simpler time. Alongside my desk is a computer, without which I could not survive. The slightly outdated, yet fully competent Apple Macintosh aids with school, and, nearly any other activity I participat

9、e in. The Mac also has a modem, connecting me to the global community linked through the Internet. I am very interested in the Internet, and have found it a very useful source of information for everything ranging from tomorrows weather to buying a new car. Upon leaving my workspace, I hope my posse

10、ssions would convey that I am serious about my work, but I approach it with practicality and a grain of salt.温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10 年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发愁。On the other side of my room lies my relaxation area

11、, commonly referred to as a bed. Strewn about the bed are two magazines which represent my interests, MacWorld and Time. I read these magazines daily, to keep up with current events as well as advancements in the information age. Atop my bureau lays the latest work by Stephen King. The content may n

12、ot be as deep and insightful as Jane Austens or Keats, but his stories serve their purpose in providing light entertainment. The bed is unmade, a fact for which I feel no remorse. Although my mother disapproves, I consider an unmade bed a symbol of rest and quietude. My bed may be considered utilita

13、rian, for its uses are not limited to sleeping upon. Some of my best moments of focus and concentration have occurred while lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, producing thoughts ranging from T.V. shows to pondering college life. Few teen rooms can be considered complete without a loud ster

14、eo and an assorted collection of tapes and C.D.s. My room is no different-my music collection occupies two shelves. Past the techno-rubble of the Eighties lie my current favorites, alternative rock. If a visitor were to turn on the stereo, he would find a couple presets devoted to “homework” music,

15、classical and light jazz. I find that these sounds provide a sense of tranquility while trying to do homework, write reports, or complete college essays. My bed and surrounding areas represent my non-academic, more human interests. They personify the activities and hobbies which I truly enjoy, and p

16、rovide a breather from some of the more rigorous aspects of life.After exiting my room, I would hope my visitor learned a few important things about me. I consider my academics seriously, and devote much of my time (and room) to them. However, they do not necessarily dominate my existence; loud musi

17、c and Stephen King novels also play a role.COMMENTS:While no one felt that this essay was strongly flawed, they made a number of suggestions about how the author could have rewritten the essay to create more of an impact.The writing style is a little too rigid. The writer should let go of the fear t

18、hat he wont be taken seriously unless he uses a formal style. The writer should replace stodgy sounding phrases like “while touring my room,” with the more straightforward, “as you look around my room.” If this were one of my students asking advice, Id pat him on the back and say, “Lighten up, its y

19、our bedroom. Dont use words like quietude and utilitarian. Relax and have fun with this.”The last paragraph needs to be dropped altogether. If the essay has done its job, recaps like this are obvious and unnecessary.This essay does not, unfortunately, convey an impression of a very active person. Wh

20、ether or not he meant to, I picture the author as someone who spends a lot of time alone in his room playing with his computer and reading lightweight novels. I dont see what he would contribute to campus life. This is something that applicants to technical institutions in particular should be wary of. Admission officers at such places tend to be especially unreceptive to applicants who seem to believe that being a “computer jock” is all the credentials they need for admission.