personalstatement个人陈述详解(3)berkeley.doc

1、personal statement 个人陈述详解(3) berkeley Structuring Your Personal StatementA typical two-page personal statement will consist of the following:An introductory paragraph that provides your essays controlling theme2-4 body paragraphs that develop your theme through examples and detailed experiences and

2、build upon each other. The final body paragraph will contain your most poignant informationA conclusion that widens the lens and wraps up your essay without summarizing or repeating what has already been writtenStructuring Your Personal Statement: The Introductory ParagraphYour introduction is where

3、 you establish the tone of your personal statement and set the scene, define its theme, and generally hook your reader by sparking interest with details and quotes. Its important that you avoid meaningless prose and get right to the point. Be sure, too, that your language is clear and specific-avoid

4、 filler words and clichs. Most importantly, be sure that the introductory paragraph captures the main idea of your essay.Sometimes the introduction is the last portion of the essay to be completed, and thats okay. The introduction should provide a snapshot of what the rest of the essay will develop

5、and expand upon, so if you dont know where the rest of the essay is headed, the introduction is impossible to write. Therefore, it is important to outline your essay so that you know how each of your examples will build upon one another and can better draft your introduction to reflect this.Here are

6、 some sample introductory paragraphs. Youre the judge-which one is strongest?1. On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence. It was a feeling of indescribable disbelief. My mother, my only parent, fell down the stairs of our home. It was then that I k

7、new that I had to become a doctor to help people who were suffering like my mother. By attending your college, I will be able to fulfill my dream and to give back to my community through medicine.Click here if you selected this opener.2. My father divorced us when I was in seventh grade. At that tim

8、e, I was going through what my mother called my “difficult stage“ because my world revolved around school, friends and boys, and “family“ was often put on the back burner. I was unprepared for the resulting family crisis; my father, the man who nurtured my passion for art, literature and my love of

9、languages, would no longer be a part of my life. At the time, I thought that I could not go on. Now I realize that my fathers rejection, while extremely painful, gave me a resiliency and strength of character that I did not previously know I possessed. Click here if you selected this opener.3. It wa

10、s once said that “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,“ and that is a motto that I have lived by for all of my seventeen years on this earth. It is a motto that I have based all of my academic endeavors on. It literally came into effect one Wednesday morning earlier this year. I got called into

11、the House One Principals office at our school. I walked towards the office a little pondered. I had never been called into that office before, because that principal only handled the math and science departments of the entire school. I doubted that the principal even knew me. When I entered the offi

12、ce I was greeted by a group of familiar faces that I knew from my physics class. Our principal told us to have a seat and relax. The reason that we were called in was that there was going to be a Science Competition happening that Saturday and the school really wanted us to enter into it. The princi

13、pal said that she knew it was short notice, but based on our performances in all our science classes she knew that we could pull it off. She stated that we were some of the only high school juniors and seniors who had completed and gone beyond the required science courses. (I personally had already

14、taken a semester of both Physics and Physiology that year, and two of the other girls that were in there with me had already completed AP Biology.)Click here if you selected this opener.Read the sample essay to visualize a strong opener in the context of an essay.Structuring Your Personal Statement:

15、 Body ParagraphsBody paragraphs are the meat of your essay, and as such are the most important component of your essay. In the body paragraphs, you will expand upon and provide support for the theme you introduced in the first paragraph and will provide the details that move that theme forward. A tw

16、o page essay will typically contain 2-4 body paragraphs. Each paragraph contains:A topic sentence that expands your theme and makes a transition from the previous paragraphDevelopment of ideas that support your essays themeAn ending sentence that wraps up the paragraph and helps to transition into t

17、he next paragraphThe first body paragraph is the place to start building your support for your theme. Here you will begin with the smallest components of your theme and, in subsequent paragraphs, work toward the most significant. Or you can organize chronologically. Try both methods and see which on

18、e is most persuasive for your particular theme.TIP: As you draft each paragraph, use the following Signpost Questions in as you develop your essay to help ensure that you have developed your paragraphs fully.Introduction and/or First Body ParagraphWhat are my values and philosophies about my theme?

19、What is the basis of these values?Body Paragraphs 2-4What accomplishment am I most proud of, and why?What incident/event provides evidence of my responsibility, and how?What difficulties or disadvantages have I faced and how did I overcome them? (This is especially important if you are applying for

20、the Educational Opportunity Program (EOP).What is one area in which I am weak, and how have I overcome it?TIP: Avoid simplistic transitions between paragraphs. If your topic sentences (generally the first sentence in each paragraph) all begin with some sort of numerical transition (first, second, th

21、ird, finally), or you find yourself relying to heavily on “also“ to move your paragraphs forward, look for more interesting and sophisticated transition words and phrases to move the essay along.温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10 年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以

22、 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发愁。Here is a sample essay to help you visualize this structure and development. Structuring Your Personal Statement: ConclusionsYour conclusion is your chance to extend your essays parameters and to demonstrate the significance of your experience in a larger context A

23、conclusion is not a repeat or summary of ideas presented elsewhere in the essay or application. Instead, it should re-affirm the validity of your essays theme. This means that your conclusion should widen the lens rather than narrow the focus.Heres an example of a poor conclusion:I hope that this ha

24、s helped you see me more as an individual. Whatever challenge is handed to me I give it my best effort. If my goals are a little far from my reach, I push harder. I know that if I dont reach my destination, I will understand. I will never quite and never think negatively. My hopes and dreams may be

25、similar to others, but how I go about reaching my goals are different. This difference between us all is what determines our individuality.This type of conclusion relies on predictable language about goals and dreams and does not seem to be directly connected to any theme. In fact, this conclusion could be tacked on to the end of just about any college essay, which means it is not particularly significant to the essay to which it belongs.