ApplicationEssay写作第一课CollegeEssayQuestionHelp(1).doc

1、Application Essay 写作 第一课 College Essay Question Help (1) 第一类 topics：Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, or risk that you have taken and its impact on you.This question is actually a combination of two common questions: Describe a significant achievement and describe a time when you grew

2、as a person.Accomplishment questions show the admissions committee what you value, what makes you proud and what you are capable of accomplishing. A common mistake in answering this question is repeating information that can be found elsewhere in the application. You should not try to squeeze every

3、achievement on your resume into the essay. If you do choose to write about an accomplishment that the committee can read about somewhere else on your application, be sure to bring that experience alive by demonstrating what it took to get there and how it affected you personally. Do not be afraid to

4、 show them that you feel proud. This is not the place for modesty. However do not fall to the other extreme either-you can toot your own horn, but do it without being snotty. You will not have to worry about either extreme if you spend the bulk of your essay simply telling the story.If you feel like

5、 you have not done anything worth focusing on, then remind yourself that the best essays are often about modest accomplishments. It does not matter what you have accomplished as long as it was personally meaningful and you can make it come alive. Unless specified, the accomplishment can be professio

6、nal, personal, or academic. Did you get a compliment from a notoriously tough boss? Did you lose the race but beat your own best time? Did you work around the clock to bring your C in physics up to an A. Do not think about what they want to hear-think about what has really made you proud.For the sec

7、ond part of the question, they are asking you to open up about who you really are. Although you do want to show that you have matured, do not overplay what a terrible person you once were just to make the point of what a great person you are now. No one changes that much. Besides, the “before” portr

8、ait might be the one that sticks in the admissions officers head. Also, focus on your current personality rather than on the “old you” or on every last detail of the event. The reader wants to know what you are like now, not what you were like a long time ago. Finally, describe real events and scena

9、rios to prove that your growth resulted from the decisions you made and actions you took. Significant events and people can serve as inspiration. Real change, though, always results from the work, effort, and initiative you have put into yourself. Take some credit.附四篇范文：SAMPLE ESSAY 1: Princeton, At

10、hlete (football)I have learned a great many things from participating in varsity football. It has changed my entire outlook on and attitude toward life. Before my freshman year at high-school, I was shy, had low self-esteem and turned away from seemingly impossible challenges. Football has altered a

11、ll of these qualities. On the first day of freshman practice, the team warmed up with a game of touch football. The players were split up and the game began. However, during the game, I noticed that I didnt run as hard as I could, nor did I try to evade my defender and get open. The fact of the matt

12、er is that I really did not want to be thrown the ball. I didnt want to be the one at fault if I dropped the ball and the play didnt succeed. I did not want the responsibility of helping the team because I was too afraid of making a mistake. That aspect of my character led the first years of my high

13、 school life. I refrained from asking questions in class, afraid they might be considered too stupid or dumb by my classmates. All the while, I went to practice and everyday, I went home physically and mentally exhausted.Yet my apprehension prevailed as I continued to fear getting put in the game in

14、 case another player was injured. I was still afraid of making mistakes and getting blamed by screaming coaches and angry teammates. Sometimes these fears came true. During my sophomore season, my position at backup guard led me to play in the varsity games on many occasions. On such occasions, I of

15、ten made mistakes. Most of the time the mistakes were not significant; they rarely changed the outcome of a play. Yet I received a thorough verbal lashing at practice for the mistakes I had made. These occurrences only compounded my fears of playing. However, I did not always make mistakes. Sometime

16、s I made great plays, for which I was congratulated. Now, as I dawn on my senior year of football and am faced with two starting positions, I feel like a changed person.Over the years, playing football has taught me what it takes to succeed. From months of tough practices, I have gained a hard work

17、ethic. From my coaches and fellow teammates, I have learned to work well with others in a group, as it is necessary to cooperate with teammates on the playing field. But most important, I have also gained self-confidence. If I fail, it doesnt matter if they mock or ridicule me; Ill just try again an

18、d do it better. I realize that it is necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. The coaches have always said before games that nothing is impossible; I know that now. Now, I welcome the challenge. Whether I succeed or fail is irrelevant; it is only important that I have tried and tested mys

19、elf.温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10 年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发愁。COMMENTS:The topic of this essay is how the applicant has matured and changed since his freshman year. He focuses on football. One of the strengths of this e

20、ssay is that it is well organized. The applicant clearly put time into the structure and planning of this essay. He uses the platform of football to discuss and demonstrate his personal growth and development through the high school years. What he could have done better was spend more time describin

21、g himself after he made improvements. As it is, he only tells us about his newfound confidence and drive. This essay would have been stronger had he actually shown us, perhaps by including a story or describing an event where his confidence made a difference.SAMPLE ESSAY 2: Harvard, international ex

22、perience: Living in Switzerland“Je deteste des Americains,” said the old Swiss woman sitting across from me. Her face contorted into a grimace of disgust as she and her friend continued to complain that Americans had no culture, that they never learned another language, and that their inferior custo

23、ms were spreading throughout Europe like an infectious disease. Each hair on the back of my neck sprang to attention, as I strained to hear the womens inflammatory remarks. I gripped my bag of McDonalds harder with each insulting phrase.I had been living in Geneva, Switzerland for four years, during

24、 which time I had attended an international school consisting of over 96 different nationalities. I had already become fluent in French and had become accustomed to the new culture in which I was living-a culture which I had believed to be rich in tolerance and acceptance. Naturally, the womens rema

25、rks hurt. Was I really an “ugly American?” Did I have no appreciation of anything other than McDonalds or Coca-Cola? Had I not been touched by the new world I had been exposed to?Without question, my four years in Switzerland changed my life in countless ways. From the minute I stepped off the plane

26、 at Cointrin Airport, the vastly different sights along the clean street, the ubiquitous smells of rich delicious French cuisine, and my feelings of excitement about my new surroundings told me that I definitely was “not in Kansas anymore.” My school helped greatly in modifying my attitudes, as for

27、the first time I was with peers from countries which I had only read about. Although it was sometimes difficult trying to find links between my self and my Saudi Arabian, Hungarian, French, Nigerian, or Chilean friends, I soon came to enjoy my new stir fry environment. By the time I left, I was wond

28、ering how I ever could survive the boredom of attending a homogeneous institution. This is not to say that, prior to this, I had been closed up in a bland box of a world. I had traveled to India, my fathers home, and England, my mothers home, annually: a practice my family and I continue to this day

29、. I had been brought up without specific religious beliefs, but an awareness of my parents spiritual backgrounds of Judaism and Hinduism. Thus my exposure to these various different nationalities in Switzerland built on my found-ations of cultural awareness, rather than laying the cornerstone for it

30、.My understanding of my new environment was aided tremendously by my ability to speak French, and was subsequently one of the best gifts I brought back from my four year stay in Switzerland. An entire year of school lessons could not have taught me as much of the language as I learned form speaking

31、with my Swiss friends, shopping in the local stores, or apologizing to my neighbors for hitting my ball into their yard. My proficiency in French earned me a regular spot on a nationally broadcast Swiss radio program, in which a Russian child and I discussed tensions between major world powers. This

32、 was a rare opportunity, as, although Stephen and I were peers, the fact that Russian children attended the Soviet Embassy school meant that we were not classmates. Though, even if we had been allowed to speak casually before, I am not certain that our conversation would have reached the depth of di

33、scussion we achieved on the show.America will never again seem the same to me. Geneva gave me enough distance to look at my country through objective eyes. Traveling throughout Europe was like a trip with Gulliver: it gave me the ability to look inside myself and discern my countrys faults as well a

34、s its numerous strengths. Like the Swiss womens remarks, it hurt me to find that the United States is not the only country in the world with a rich and stimulating environment. With my new perspective, I saw that America was not what it had been. Then I thought for a moment and realized that America

35、 had not changed, but I had.COMMENTS:One officer called this, “A good example of a foreign culture essay that works.” The only negative comments about this essay came from one officer who found the conclusion to be a bit weak. “I would like to see her elaborate a little more in the last paragraph. T

36、his is because in most of her classes, she will be required to support any opinions.” Another agreed that she could have kept her final points more personal and specific.The writing is excellent.The vocabulary is sophisticated without seeming labored. I do not suspect that the author had a thesaurus

37、 at hand! This tells me that she/he would certainly be successful academically, at least in the courses that require strong communication and analytical abilities.This essay is very well written. The writer demonstrates a refreshing maturity that seems to come from his/her abroad experience. The ess

38、ay demonstrates a transformation of the student from just an American in a foreign land to someone who embraces the international experience and grew with it.What I like about this essay is that it shows that the traditional categories of “extracurricular activities” need not be the only way to demo

39、nstrate that one has something of interest to bring to the college experience. I think this writer would be a fascinating person to get to know, because she would be able to contribute a fresh perspective to conversations about many of the important ideas that we wrestle with in college. She might w

40、ell be someone who would be especially adept at bringing together diverse members of the student body because she would not feel intimidated by differences, but would, instead, seek them out and value them highly.SAMPLE ESSAY 3: Princeton, childhood experience: A fishing tripReluctantly smearing sun

41、block over every exposed inch of my fifty-three pound body, I prepared mentally for the arduous task that lay ahead of me. After several miserable fishing ventures which had left my skin red and my hook bare, I felt certain that, at last, my day had arrived. I stood ready to clear the first hurdle o

42、f manhood, triumph over fish. At the age of seven, I was confident that my rugged, strapping body could conquer any obstacle. Pity the fish that would become the woeful object of the first demonstration of my male prowess.Engaging me deeply was my naive eagerness to traverse the chasm dividing boy f

43、rom man. In fact, so completely absorbed was I in my thoughts that the lengthy journey to our favorite fishing spot seemed fleeting. The sudden break in the droning of the engine snapped me to reality. Abruptly jarred back into the world, I fumbled for my fishing pole. Dangling the humble rods end o

44、ver the edge of the boat, I released the bail on the reel and plunked the cheap plastic lure into the water. Once I had let out enough line and set the rod in a holder, I sat back to wait for an attack on the lure. The low hum of the motor at trolling speed only added to my anxiety, like the instrumental accompaniment to a horror film. And then it hit. A sharp tug on the line pulled me to my feet faster than an electric shock. I bounded to the pole, and when I reached it, I yanked it out of the holder with all of my might. My nervous energy was so potent that when I tugged on the rod,