ApplicationEssay写作第一课CollegeEssayQuestionHelp(3).doc

1、Application Essay 写作 第一课 College Essay Question Help (3) College Essay Question Help第三类 topics：Indicate a person, character in fiction, an historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, etc.) who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.This type of question atte

2、mpts to learn more about you through the forces that have shaped you. Many students make the mistake of believing that this is an essay about a person. They go on at length, describing the influential person in detail without making a connection between it and themselves. The school doesnt care abou

3、t your uncle, or some fictional heroine. They care about you. What about that person made an impression on you and how. What action did you take to turn this impression into personal development and change?Colleges learn a lot about your values and standards through your description of your mentors.

4、 It is like getting to know a person by the people he chooses to hang out with. If you are skeptical, consider the different impression you would have of the candidate who admires a dynamic, colorful athlete compared to someone who looks up to an accomplished but soft-spoken academic. Neither is bet

5、ter nor worse-just different.There are no wrong answers here. Far more important than whom you choose, though, is how you portray that person. In other words, do not choose someone because you think it will impress the committee. Name-dropping is not only very obvious, it is very ineffective. Heed t

6、his one word of caution, though. Applicants very commonly pick one of their parents. Describing your father gives you the advantage of knowing your subject well, however, it also means doing some extra work to make your essay stand out from the crowd.附三篇范文：温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10 年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写

7、作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发愁。SAMPLE ESSAY 1: Wellesley, Influence of motherIt took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. Shes the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions abo

8、ut which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washingtons impoverished citizens. Growing up with such a strong

9、role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.My mothers enthusiasm for lea

10、rning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-

11、month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty ampitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Ei

12、ght years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what

13、she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and childrens center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having fina

14、lly perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name delet

15、ed) as Janes tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.Everything t

16、hat my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotio

17、n to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.COMMENTS:The topic of this essay is the writers mother. However, the writ

18、er definitely focuses on herself, which makes this essay so strong. She manages to impress the reader with her travel experience, volunteer and community experience, and commitment to learning without ever sounding boastful or full of herself. The essay is also very well organized.SAMPLE ESSAY 2: Ha

19、rvard, Favorite Fictional CharacterOf all the characters that Ive “met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody wh

20、at I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Gra

21、ham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch an

22、d Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon Ill be entering the adult world, a world in which Im not yet prepared to lead.Im quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probab

23、ly emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his ban

24、k could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and ot

25、hers in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult worl

26、d. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.COMMENTS:This essay is a great example of how to answer this question well. This applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific traits that reflect on his own pers

27、onality. We believe that he is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal (being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while maintaining a strong focus throughout.SAMPLE ESSAY 3: Harvard, family illness: Mothers f

28、ight with cancerI am learning, both through observations and first-hand experiences, that there are many mishaps in life which seem to be unexplainable and unfair, and yet have devastating consequences. Disease fits into this category. Its atrocity does not stem from the fact that it is a rare or un

29、common occurrence, since illness and disease pervade our lives as we hear numerous stories of sick people and come into contact with them each day. However, there is a marked difference between reading in the newspaper that a famous rock star or sports icon has tested H.I.V. positive and discovering

30、 that your own mother has been diagnosed with cancer.Undoubtedly, the most influential people in my life have been my mother and father. It is to them that I credit many of my accomplish-ments and successes-both inside and outside of school. Throughout my childhood, my parents have always fostered a

31、nd encouraged me in all my endeavors. At all my sporting events, spelling bees, concerts, and countless other activities, they have always been front row and center. My parents, in conjunction with twelve years of Catholic training, have also instilled in me a sound belief in a loving, caring God, w

32、hich I have come to firmly believe. It therefore should not come as a surprise that the news of my mothers sickness would greatly alter my entire outlook on life. Where was my God?My mother, in fact, had been aware of her condition in the spring of my junior year in high school. She deliberately did

33、 not inform my sister or me of her illness because she did not want to distract us from our studies. Instead, my mother waited for the completion of her radiation therapy treatments. At this time, she brought me into her room, sat me down on the same wooden rocking chair from which she used to read

34、me bedtime stories, and began to relate her story. I did not weep, I did not flinch. In fact, I hardly even moved, but from that point onward, I vowed that I would do anything and everything to please my mother and make her proud of me.Every subsequent award won and every honor bestowed upon me has

35、been inspired by the recollection of my mothers plight. I look to her as a driving force of motivation. In her I see the firm, enduring qualities of courage, strength, hope, and especially love. Whenever I feel discouraged or dispirited, I remember the example set by my mother and soon become reinvi

36、gorated. Instead of groveling in my sorrow, I think of all the pain and suffering that my mother had to endure and am revived with new energy after realizing the triviality of my own predicament.For instance, last year, when I was playing in a championship soccer game, my leg became entangled with a

37、 forwards leg on the other team, and I wound up tearing my medial cruciate ligament. I was very upset for having injured myself in such a seemingly inane manner. Completely absorbed in my own anguish, I would not talk to anyone and instead lamented on the sidelines. But then I remembered something t

38、hat my mother used to say to me whenever something like this happened: If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, Ill be very happy, and youll be very lucky. Instantly, many thoughts race through my mind. I pictured my mother as a young thirteen-year-old walking to the hospital every day a

39、fter school to visit her sick father. She had always told me how extremely painful it had been to watch his body become emaciated as the cancer advanced day by day and finally took its toll. I then pictured my mother in the hospital, thirty years later, undergoing all the physically and mentally deb

40、ilitating tests, and having to worry about her husband and her children at the same time. I suddenly felt incredibly ashamed at how immature I had been acting over my own affliction. I gathered my thoughts and instead of sulking or complaining, helped coach my team to victory.I am very happy to say

41、that my mother is now feeling much better and her periodic checkups and C.A.T. scans have indicated that she is doing very well. Nevertheless, her strength and courage will remain a constant source of inspiration to me. I feel confident to greet the future with a resolute sense of hope and optimism.

42、COMMENTS:The majority of the suggestions for this essay highlight the danger inherent in relying on an overly poignant topic, in this case the writers mothers bout with cancer. Part of why the reactions to this piece are so passionate (and why there are so many of them) is because had the applicant

43、just taken a slightly different approach, he could have had a powerful and touching composition on his hands. It is always frustrating when a piece with so much potential misses the mark. In this case, the material and emotion are all there. Had he spent more time and written with more sincerity, th

44、is essay might have been a real winner.I wish this kid had started the essay with his mom sitting him down in the rocking chair. That would have been a powerful beginning. In general, using the introduction of the essay to paint a scene or mood can be very effective.He should begin with the most simple and striking sentence possible, such as “On January 5, 1995, my mother learned that she had cancer.” Use real times and exact places. Let the most dramatic point