ApplicationEssay写作第四课WordChoice.doc

1、Application Essay 写作 第四课 Word ChoiceWord ChoiceDont Thesaurusize.The second trap into which many students fall is thinking that big words make good essays. Advanced vocabulary is fine if it comes naturally to you, and when used correctly in an appropriate context. After reading thousands of essays,

2、admissions officers know which students have come up with difficult words by themselves and which have looked them up in a thesaurus.Show, dont tell. Too often, an essay with an interesting story will fizzle into a series of statements that“tell“ rather than “show“ the qualities of the writer. Stude

3、nts wrongfully assume that the reader will not “get it“ if they do not beat to death their main arguments. Thus, the essay succumbs to the usual clichs: “the value of hard work and perseverance“ or “learning to make a difference“ or “not taking loved ones for granted“ or “dreams coming true“ or “lea

4、rning from mistakes.“ Such statements are acceptable if used minimally, as in topic sentences, but the best essays do not use them at all. Instead, allow the details of your story to make the statement for you. An example helps elucidate the difference:In a mediocre essay: “I developed a new compass

5、ion for the disabled.“ In a better essay: “Whenever I had the chance to help the disabled, I did so happily.“In an excellent essay: “The next time Mrs. Cooper asked me to help her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.“ The first example provides no detail, the second example is s

6、till only hypothetical, but the final example evokes a vivid image of something that actually happened, thus placing the reader in the experience of the applicant.温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10 年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发

7、愁。Dont Get Too Conversational. Slang terms, clichs, contractions, and an excessively casual tone should be eliminated from all but the most informal essays. The following excerpt gives examples of all four offenses:You are probably wondering, what are the political issues that make this kid really m

8、ad? Well, I get steamed when I hear about my friends throwing away their right to vote. Voting is part of what makes this country great. Some kids believe that their vote doesnt count. Well, I think theyre wrong.In an essay like this one, in which you must show that you take things seriously, your l

9、anguage should also take itself seriously. Only non-traditional essays, such as ones in the form of narrative or dialogue, should rely on conversational elements. Write informally only when you are consciously trying to achieve an effect that conveys your meaning.Dont repeatedly start sentences with

10、 “I.“ It is typical for the first draft of an essay to have many of the following type of sentence: I + verb + object, for example, “I play soccer.“ If this kind of simple structure is used too many times in an essay, it will have two effects: your language will sound stunted and unsophisticated; yo

11、u will appear extremely conceited - imagine a conversation with someone who always talks about herself. The trick is to change around the words without changing the meaning. Here is an example:Before: “I started playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I lea

12、rned about the effort needed to improve myself. I began to love music.After: “I started playing piano at the age of eight. From the beginning, I worked hard to learn difficult pieces, and this struggle taught me the effort needed for self-improvement. My work with the piano nourished my love for mus

13、ic.Dont repeat the same subject nouns. When writing an essay about soccer (or leadership), do not repeatedly use the word “soccer“ (or “leadership“). The repetition of nouns has much the same stunting effect as the repetition of “I“ (see above). Look for alternative phrases for your subject nouns. F

14、or soccer, you might use vague synonyms (“the sport,“ “the game“) or specific terms (“going to practice,“ “completing a pass“). In the case of leadership, you could use phrases such as “setting an example,“ or “coordinating a group effort.“Extra: Trimming the FatThe following words and phrases can u

15、sually be deleted from your essay without any loss of meaning. Just as an athlete needs to work off the fat in order to perform well, your writing needs to stay lean in order to pack more meaning into every sentence. Extra words rob your prose of energy by making your language convoluted and just pl

16、ain fluffy (also known in some circles as “bull“ or a stronger variant). The following phrases are especially fattening because they invite passive constructions, those that employ the verb, “to be.“I believe that, I feel that, I hope that, I think that, I realized that, I learned that, in other wor

17、ds, in order to, in fact, it is essential that, it is important to see that, the reason why, the thing that is most important is, this is important because, this means that, the point is that, really, very, somewhat, absolutely, definitely, surely, truly, probably, practically, hopefully, in conclus

18、ion, in summary.Also look for subtle redundancies of the “X and Y“ variety. Only a few examples of the many are provided below. In each pair, the two words mean nearly the same thing - so why write both? Such redundancies show the reader that you are not thinking about what you are saying. And, the

19、more clichd phrases make your essay sound like all of the others. Instead of resorting to these sinister twins, think of more precise language, words that really pin down your unique experience.Hard work and effort, teamwork and cooperation, dreams and aspirations, personal growth and development, determination and diligence, challenges and difficulties, objectives and goals, worries and concerns, love and caring.