作文练习1.doc

1、Comment c1: 你的 Thesis statement里写到了变化的 focus，但全文没找到除了 making money之外的 focus，为啥？Comment c2: 觉得讲得有点模糊，suffer loss 这组合看上去欠犀利（第六感） ，还有 j their career和 making money之间的联系你没点出来Comment c3: re-establish himself是一个我没听说过的组合Comment c4: expand blindly怎么了，有什么恶果需要进一步挑明。Comment c5: hazards具体是什么？作者真含糊。Comment c6: 这个

2、例子，看的外行人（我）口吐白沫，是想说公司狂借钱开拓业务然后还不出来？Comment c7: 这段里没提到“expand business blindly”，直接跳到破产的结果了，executive 们显得很无辜。但其实是他们自信过头借钱想大捞一笔，后来又还不出来才 crisis的吧？我以为。讲错了当我白打这段。Comment c8: 这段到底算不算跑题呀？你再好好盯着你的 thesis statement多看几眼。TOPIC: ISSUE152 - “The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay wit

3、hin the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.“WORDS: 598 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2010-03-22 17:08:51Generally I can identify with the speakers perspective that corporate executives should shoulder the responsibility to make as much money as they can for their companies on condi

4、tion that their conducts are legal. Nonetheless, so complicated is the issue concerning the duty of corporate executives that other viewpoints could be equally tenable from different angles. As far as I think, the responsibility of corporate executives oughtnt to be confined to merely making money.

5、In different circumstances, their focus can vary.In most cases, making profits for the companies remain the single most important objective for corporate executives if their conducts stay within the law. After all, having a strong and healthy cash flow is generally a guarantee for companies to pursu

6、e further development and thus increase their market shares. A corporate executive is authorized, by major shareholders, as the chief manager in a company to run business for the benefits of shareholders. Therefore, as long as their conduct is within the law, making money certainly seems the ultimat

7、e goal for them and if they dont, companies may suffer great loss and they could even jeopardize their own careers. 改成“A persuasive example could illustrate my points.The story of SJ could well illustrate my points”你喜不喜欢啊，你写的这句我看着不爽。 Steve Jobs is the CEO of Apple Computer and ironically in the 1970

8、s he got fired from his own company due to his unsatisfactory performance in maintaining a strong cash flow for this company and making profits for the sake of shareholders. Later on, with a clear clearer吧 strategy, he came back and re-established himself and Apple has always been the mainstream for

9、ce in the computer market. 这段里 and多的我晕了-.-Nevertheless, there are some situations, especially when the economy is enjoying a boom, money-oriented strategy may not be healthy for companies long-term development. Due to the opportunities provided by the booming economy, business may seek to expand bli

10、ndly. If corporate executives are merely money-oriented, they may overlook the potential hazards in making money. For example they may seek to increase more liabilities and upgrade their market shares due to the positive picture the economy gives to them, hoping to make as much money as possible- a

11、dangerous and reckless approach which could results in overvaluing the companies strength and once the market crashes, bankruptcy may be doomed to come. The 2008 financial crisis may prove a good example. Before the economic downturn, everything seems just too good: interest rate is stable, theres n

12、o sign of inflation and commerce is prospering. Blinded by the false sense of the economy and money-oriented corporate strategy, countless business went bankrupt once the markets bubble is burst, despite the fact that those approaches by corporate executives are within the law.Moreover, merely makin

13、g money could lead to negative social reputation and bad morale. Companies are supposed to provide social returns because they accumulate wealth from society. Once too much wealth is mounted in one company without it contributing a single penny to society, ordinary people may feel that the company i

14、s not being responsible. And beyond that, if corporate executives are only concerned with making money, they would try every possible means to get money, even by exploiting money from employees, thus resulting in bad morale. In the long term, productivity may decrease, thus it is not conducive to th

15、e companys long-term development.Comment c9: 我也没看出有哪些other commitments啊，你又没写。In a nutshell, despite the strong justification in the speakers conclusion that corporate executives are supposed earn as much money as possible for their own companies, provided they obey the law, therere other commitments

16、 that they also need to take on and which one of them should be placed as the priority should be in accordance with the specific circumstance.总结：body 第一段写的最好，条理也有，读者大赞，后面就开始不对了，离题没有十万也有八千里吧？你后面洋洋洒洒这么多，是想置 thesis statement中的 various focuses于何地啊？！TOPIC: ARGUMENT103 - Blue City Highway had always been

17、notorious for its tight curves and poor roadway visibility, and the accident rate there was generally very high. Last year the highway was redesigned to broaden the curves and improve roadway visibility. Drivers report that they now feel much safer driving on the highway and that the redesign has be

18、en a big improvement. But the number of accidents on the highway has not been significantly lower in the six months since the redesign than it was in the six months before the redesign. Therefore, the redesign clearly did not improve the curves and roadway visibility enough to make a difference.WORD

19、S: 465 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2010-03-22 17:08:51The speaker reaches to the conclusion that the improvement made on the Blue City Highway isnt of much use for the reason that the number of accidents hasnt been decreased after the improvement. As far as I think, theres a lack of strong justification in

20、 reaching the conclusion and I find it untenable through the following reasons.To support his view, the speaker reasons that the number of accidents on the highway remains roughly the same in the six months since the redesign than it was in the six months before the redesign. Is this analogy persuas

21、ive? First of all, the speaker fails to specifically compare the condition in the recent six months after the redesign with that before it. Perhaps the six months after the redesign saw much more weather turbulence, a possible hazard that could significantly cause traffic accidents. Without ruling o

22、ut the weathers influence on transportation on the Blue City Highway, the speaker cannot blame the ineffectiveness of the redesign. In addition, it could be that the transportation management is different after the redesign. After the improvement, drivers report that they feel more much safer and ex

23、press their recognition of the highway renovation which may give a false impression to the authority and they may loosen their management on the high way, without which drivers would feel more relaxed. This is another possible cause of traffic accidents and due to this; the speaker also cannot reach

24、 to the hasty conclusion that the improvement itself doesnt make a difference.Second, its insufficient for the speaker to only mention a single number to reach his conclusion. It is very possible that in the six months after the redesign, there has been a large increase of vehicles going on the high

25、 way because the curves have been widened and road visibility has been improved. Accordingly, the number of accidents will naturally increase. Without comparing the ratio of the number of accidents to the total number of vehicles on the high way in the recent six months with that before the redesign

26、, a single number is far from being persuasive.Even if we assume the number of vehicles as the same as that before the redesign, it is still specious. It could be quite possible that the severity of traffic accidents after the improvement is significantly mitigated. In other words, because of the hi

27、ghway improvement, people caught in the traffic accidents suffer less serious injuries than before. In this case, its untenable to conclude that improvement has made a difference.In conclusion, if the speaker comprehensively compares the driving conditions, besides the highway alone, in the six months after the redesign and those before the redesign, or if heshe presents more arguments instead of just a single number, the conclusion would be far more persuasive.argue 写出来怎么看怎么顺眼啊火眼金睛的本大人未发现什么瑕疵，红花奖励，恭喜恭喜。