1、01 “Dude Ranch” .Captain: Were beginning our initial descent into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying United. .Phil: Reckon well be landing soon. .Claire: Phil, honey, you promised. not till we got there. .Phil: This year, were going to a dude ranch with the whole family. .Claire: Mm-hmm. Th
2、e family. .Haley: What if Dylan buys his own ticket? Well be sleeping in separate cabins. .Phil: What if Dylan and I share a horse? .Claire: Mm, I hate landing. .Dylan: Well get through this. .Gloria: Wow! Oh, my goodness. .Jay: What are you doing? .Gloria: I want my ears to pop. .Manny: Try putting
3、 a little Rouge on em. Nobody gets me. .Mitchell: Wow. Isnt this beautiful, little cowgirl? .Cameron: You hate her sparkly outfit, dont you? .Mitchell: No, I told you, its fine. I just didnt like you wearing a matching one. .Mitchell: So we havent told the family yet, but weve decided to adopt a bab
4、y boy. .1 .- Page 4-Cameron: From America this time. You might say were “buying domestic.“ .Mitchell: In private. You might say that in private. .Cameron: Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good idea to make a photo book to show prospective moms. .Mitchell: But he thought that Cams version
5、was a little too “artsy,“ so weve decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out. .Cameron: I dont think it need balancing out. .Mitchell: Really? .Cameron: Its called “Production value.“ .OPENING CREDITS .Mitchell: Horse. .Gloria: Look, Jay! So beautiful! .Jay: Your ea
6、rs havent popped yet, huh? .Gloria: Im like the horse whisperer. But something is making this one skittish. .Dylan: Whoa. Look at the mountains. .Haley: Theyre amazing. .Dylan: Ive never been this far from home before now Ive never been this far. .Claire: Wheres a cliff when you need one? .Jay: Look
7、, kids! A real life cowboy! .Luke: Oh. Come see. Come see. .Claire: Uh-oh. .Luke: Whats he doing? .Claire: Oh, my. 2 .- Page 5-Hank: My name is Hank. Here at the Lost Creek Ranch, youre gonna ride, youre gonna rope, and youre gonna shoot. Youre gonna see a sky so full of stars, itll put your city li
8、ghts to shame. And when its all done, you might just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions? .Manny: Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or. .Hank: I like you, kid. Im gonna call you “Hollywood.“ .Manny: That wasnt an answer. .Hank: And whos this cact
9、us flower? .Gloria: What? .Jay: Thats my wife Gloria. .Hank: Well, shes “Cactus Flower“ now, old-timer. .Jay: These, uh, these nicknames. are they set in stone? .Hank: Okey dokey. You ready, gunslinger? .Phil: I heard word of trouble in these parts. Pull! That oughta fix it, eh, Jay? .Jay: You got a
10、 piece of it. .Phil: Ive been practicing like crazy, all my cowboy skills. shootin, ropin. pancake eatin. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesnt respect me as a man. .Phil: Its just that when you say, “Phil is my son-in-law,“ it sounds like youre saying, “Phyllis, my son-in-law.“ .Jay: Thats
11、ridiculous. .Phil:Okay, whos your son-in-law? .Jay: Phyllis. .3 .- Page 6-Phil: Im not asking for a hug. I just want to get that look of newfound respect, like. Or. Or. mm. Yeah. .Phil: Check it out. Two birds, one leg. Pull it! Not bad, eh, Old-timer? .Hank: Uh, see, slappy only had three fingers.
12、.Gloria: What? .Hank: He only had three fingers. Whos next? .Mitchell: Oh, me. Me. .Cameron: Oh, this is good. This is good. Tres macho. No smile. Dont smile. Good. .Hank: You ready? .Mitchell: Wait. Do I say “pull“? Sorry. Sorry. .Jay: Mitchell, why dont you go find Manny at the spa? Wouldnt that b
13、e more fun? .Mitchell: Yeah. .Mitchell: I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy, I needed to butch up my life. You know, I wanted to be able to teach my son all the things that my Dad taught Claire. .Luke: Hey, Hollywood. .Manny: I dont love that. .Luke: Wanna see something? .Manny: Oh, my gosh.
14、Is that a firecracker? .Luke: Shh! Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. .Manny: Is that thing even legal? .Luke: Not here. Its from Germany. If they had this during the war, right now wed all be knee-deep in strudel. .4 .- Page 7-Alex : Watch it! .Jimmy: What you doing, eh? You read
15、in? .Alex : Trying to. .Jimmy: Im not so good at it either. .Alex : Im not surprised. .Jimmy: That was a joke. Im Jimmy Scrivano. You want to see me do a cannonball? .Alex : Id rather see you get hit by one, but. .Jimmy: Ha. Good one, gorgeous. .Gloria: Jay! Is this like the lobster?! Do I get to pi
16、ck one for dinner? Because this one looks very tender. .Hank: Look alive, Old-timer. One of your calves is getting away. .Jay: Hey, somethings wrong with my horse. Shes veering left. When this happened to my Uncle, it was a stroke. .Hank: Oh, theres nothing wrong with Buttercup. You just gotta let h
17、er know whos boss! Beautiful form, Cactus Flower! Beautiful! You look like a dadgum conquistadora! .Jay ; Shes deaf, but I can hear ya. .Cameron: Why are you riding that way? .Mitchell: Im afraid that cow over there might bite me. .Cameron: Oh, yes, hes gonna come up and bite you because your leg lo
18、oks so desirable with those. are those canvas? .Claire: Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me. .Phil: Got it. .Claire: Ease him back this way. .Phil: Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay? Huh? .5 .- Page 8-Hank: Ease that one over to Bossy. .Phil: Which ones Bossy? .Hank: Thats my nickname for your
19、 wife. .Phil: Hilarious. .Haley: Go, Mom! Whoo! .Dylan: Yeah, Mom! You rock! .Claire: Oh, I wish I had a rock. .Phil: Hey. It wouldnt kill you to be nice to Dylan. .Claire: It might. But, honey, I dont know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better. .Phil: Because I know what its
20、like to fall for a girl whose dad thinks Im not good enough. .Claire: All right, youre right. I can make more of an effort. .Phil: Thats the woman I love. .Hank: We taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe. .Phil: No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy. .Hank: Uh-huh. .Claire: Phil! .Phil:
21、Im sorry. .Gloria: Jay, look! I got this one! I got this one! .Jay: Shes veering left again. When we get back, Im gonna see if she can track a pencil with her eyes. .Alex : Okay, Lily, Im going to push you one more time. Now dont kick me, okay? Aah! Oh! Lily! I said dont kick me. Okay? .6 .- Page 9-
22、Jimmy: You know its your own fault thats happening. Why dont you try standing behind her? .Alex : You are an idiot. .Jimmy: Oh, really? I aint the one getting kicked. .Alex : Why are you following me? .Jimmy: Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous? This works. .Alex : I really, really dont appreciat
23、e you calling me “gorgeous.“ I just want to enjoy time with my family, so if you dont mind. mm! .Jimmy: Not a problem. See you around, sunshine. .Lily: You kissed a boy! .Alex : No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? The boy kissed me. .Dylan: I rode a horse for the first time today wasnt surprised when
24、 it went. neigh .Claire: Okay. Hey, Dylan. .Dylan: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: I was wondering if we could have a little chat. .Dylan: Oh. You want me to go home. .Claire: No, no. Its the. the opposite of that. .Dylan: I want you to go home? .Claire: No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that y
25、oure here. .Dylan: Really? Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you dont like me. .Claire: Oh. Dylan, no. Im sorry. I-I like you. I-I like you a lot. I just. Its complicated because Haleys my daughter. .Dylan: Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You are totally a hot mom, but I cant do this. .7 .- Page 10-Claire: Oh,
26、 my God. Okay, we. theres. no, no. I merely meant that Im sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. .Dylan: Whew! That would have been awkward. .Claire: So awkward. .Dylan: You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: Yes? .Dylan: If Haley wasnt my girlfriend. .Claire: Yeah. .Dylan: And Mr. Dunphy
27、was out of the picture. .Claire: Mm-hmm. .Dylan: I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own. .Claire: Okay. Good talk. .Gloria: Shell be running down the mountain. shell be running down the Mountain when she comes .Jay: The song ended two minutes ago. .Hank: Well,
28、 Ill tell you what. She could play Evita. .Jay: Really? You notice the crickets left? Anyone want more water? .Mitchell: Oh, Dad, Ill take one. .Jay: Heads up. .Claire: Oh, my gosh. .Mitchell: Oh. It was. it was dark. I-I couldnt see it. Thank you. .Manny: So did you set off the firecracker yet? .8
29、.- Page 11-Luke: When I do, you wont have to ask. First, all the electronics will go out, then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead. .Manny: And yet Im the one on the “No-fly“ list. .Cameron: You know what? Maybe next time Ill just catch it and then hand it to you. .Mitche
30、ll: Oh, okay. Yeah, lets do that. You. you do everything, and Ill do nothing. .Cameron: Something on your mind? .Mitchell: This isnt the right place to talk about it. .Cameron: Okay. .Mitchell: I-Im s. Im not sure if we should have another baby. .Cameron: What? Are you serious? .Mitchell: I think th
31、at we might be rushing into this. .Cameron: Rushing into. weve been working. .Dylan: Everybody, its me, Dylan. I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip and making me feel like one of the family, uh, especially Bossy. So I cant think of a better time to ask something of the woman t
32、hat I love. Okay. .Claire: No, no. .Dylan: Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, will you do me the honors of being my lawfully wedded. .Claire: No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals. Not now. Not gonna happen. Shes a child, so. .Haley: Mom! .Claire: Youre still in high school! .Dylan: I meant after she graduates.
33、 .Claire: Not then. Not now. Not ever. Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The. the. the royalties from the horsey song? Put it back in your pocket. .Haley: Would you stop it? .9 .- Page 12-Claire: No, I wont. I wont. .Dylan: No, its okay. I guess Ill just turn in. Just so you know, there
34、s a fan in my cabin that sounds like someone crying. .Haley: Dylan, wait! I hate you! .Claire: Oh, come on. Haley, get back here! Phil, anything? .Phil: I think you said it all, Claire. You want me to rope her? I can, you know. .Hank: For what its worth, my second wife was in high school. .Cameron:
35、Sweetie, here. Here we go. One, two, three. One, two, three. Gone. .Lily: Its gone! Its over there! .Cameron: Its not back there. .Lily: We counted to three. .Cameron: Yes. .Mitchell: Hey. .Cameron: Where have you been? .Mitchell: I-I slept on the couch in the lodge. I know you didnt want to have a
36、big fight last night. .Cameron: Well, Im ready now. .Mitchell: Cam, Im sorry. Look, what if I cant do the father-son stuff? The hunting, the. the sports, the Three Stooges? You know what happens in real life when someone gets hit in the head with a ladder? They go to the hospital and they get an MRI
37、. Never see that scene. .Cameron: I think youre overthinking this. You know, I love sports, I love the Stooges. Weve got this covered. .Mitchell: No. No, you. you got it covered, but Im just stuck on the sidelines, pretending to understand the rules, and. You know, my dad was a rough-and-tumble guy,
38、 and I just. I could never relate to him. And I dont know. I just dont think I could handle disappointing. two generations. .10 .- Page 13-Cameron: I think youre more masculine than you give yourself credit for. .Mitchell: Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch? .Gloria: Claire, I know that youre worr
39、ied that Dylan is gonna break Haleys heart, but I see in his eyes that hes gonna stick with her forever. No matter what, hes always going to be with her. On your deathbed. .Claire: Okay. All right. I cant take this anymore. Im gonna go find her. .Jay: No. You push too hard, you chase her right into
40、his arms, youll end up with a boob for a son-in-law. Believe me, you dont want that. .Phil: Whats that supposed to mean? .Jay: What? .Haley: Hey, have you guys seen Dylan? .Claire: No. No. Why? .Haley: Im not talking to you. He said he was going out for a walk last night, and no ones seen him since.
41、 .Phil: Sweetheart, Im sure hes fine. Maybe after last night, he just went home. .Manny: Doubt it. He left his luggage. .Haley: We have to do something. If he doesnt eat five times a day, he gets spacey. .Claire: What would that even look like? .Phil: Well find him. Hank? We got a situation here! .H
42、ank: What seems to be the trouble? .Alex : We need to talk. .Jimmy: What? .Alex : You stole my first kiss. .11 .- Page 14-Jimmy: What are you talkin about? .Alex : I had it all planned out. It was supposed to be special, someone with a high GPA and a bright future, not a Mario brother. .Jimmy: Fine.
43、 You know what? I dont even want your kiss. Here, you can have it back. There. Now were even. .Alex : Well, keep it. I dont. I dont want it anymore. What am I doing? .Hank: Okay, people. Looks like we have a walker. Right now he is facing treacherous terrain, sudden drops, mountain lions hungry bear
44、s, oh, and wolverines. That is, if the hypothermia didnt already get him. Why did we come here again? So our best bet is to split up. You two are gonna take the North hiking trail. .Haley: Can I go with my Dad instead? .Hank: Negative. I need Buffalo Phil and Old-timer. To check the Snake River. .Ph
45、il: Buffalo Phil. worth the wait. .Hank: Me and Cactus Flower will ride on up to Destiny Ridge. .Jay: Maybe I should ride up there with her. .Hank: Negatory. That trail is for advanced riders only. We dont need another dead body. .Haley: “Another“? .Hank: Lets go! Move em out. .Jay: Phil, help me saddle my horse, will ya? .Phil: Well, look whos suddenly needed by his father-in-law. Phyllis. Phil. is. .Luke: Hey, Uncle Mitch. Whatcha doing? .Mitchell: Oh, hey. Just. just thinkin. .Luke: You know, Ive been meaning to tell you, youre a super fun Uncle. And Im saying this as a boy. .12 .- Page 1
