1、、God must love stupid people. He made SOOOOO many. 2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 4、The last thing I want to do is to
2、 hurt you. But its still on the list. 5、If sex is a pain in the a-ss, then youre doing it wrong. 6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. 8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you dont have a
3、 good partner, youd better have a good hand. 9、Some people are like Slinkies . not really good for anything, but you cant help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 11、War
4、does not determine who is right - only who is left. 12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. 13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 14、 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. 15、
5、 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 16、 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 18、If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of
6、 payments. 19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes“ is the answer. 20、 Evening news is where they begin with Good evening, and then proceed to tell you why it isnt. 21、 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 22、 If 4 out of 5 p
7、eople SUFFER from diarrhea. does that mean that one enjoys it? 23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
8、night. 26、I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian 27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 28、If I agreed with you wed both be wrong. 29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few we
9、eks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? 30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. 31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess“ on it.so I said “Implants?“ 32、Children: You spend the first 2 years
10、of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. 33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 34、 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak an
11、d remove all doubt. 35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you dont need it. 36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 37、 The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 39、 Good gir
12、ls are bad girls that never get caught. 41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 43、 The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
13、 where all the bad girls live. 44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. 46、I discovered I scream the same way whether Im about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed tou
14、ches my foot. 47、 Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. 48、I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:“ I put “DOCTOR“. Whats my mother going to do? 50、I asked God for a bike, but I know God
15、doesnt work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.51、Youre never too old to learn something stupid.52、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.53、Its not the fall that kills you; its the sudden stop at the end. 54、The sole purpose of a childs middle name, is so he ca
16、n tell when hes really in trouble. 55、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. 56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. 57、Theres a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they cant get away. 58、A bargain is something you dont need at a price
17、 you cant resist. 59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. 61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, youre ugly too. 62、A little boy asked his father, “Daddy
18、, how much does it cost to get married?“ Father replied, “I dont know son, Im still paying.“ 63、Some people say “If you cant beat them, join them“. I say “If you cant beat them, beat them“, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. 64、When in doubt, m
19、umble. 65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good. 66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like theyre at home, even if you wish they were. 67、If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you! 68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 69、Knowledge is power
20、, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. 70、Money cant buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He wont expect it back. 72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. 73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick a
21、nd it is gone. 74、Nostalgia isnt what it used to be. 75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. 76、I shouldve known it wasnt going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, Im a Libra and shes a bitch. 77、Hallmark Card: “Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre still here.“ 78、
22、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 80、I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “Im going to mop the
23、floor with your face.“ I said, “Youll be sorry.“ He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?“ I said, “Well, you wont be able to get into the corners very well.“ 81、Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. 82、I always take life with a grain of salt, .plus a slice of le
24、mon, .and a shot of tequila. 83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. 84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. 85、Just remember.if the world didnt suck, wed all fall off. 86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks youre an asshole. 87、I used to be indecisive. Now Im no
25、t sure. 88、I dont trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesnt die. 89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, youll have trouble putting on your pants. 90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 91、You are such a good friend that if we were on
26、a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket. Id miss you heaps and think of you often. 92、Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 94、If you are supposed to learn from your m
27、istakes, why do some people have more than one child. 95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. 96、Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse“ has never stepped on one. 97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive t
28、wice. 98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste. 99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.Beat generation 垮掉的一代Tea-ceremony 茶道Badger game 美人计Scene stealer 抢镜头的人Hooligan 阿飞，足球流氓Repeated offender 惯犯Double
29、 agent 双重间谍Mr. Big 黑社会老大Love child 私生子Hand-to-hand fighting 肉搏Box news 花边新闻Screen agers 整天看电视玩电脑的孩子June-December wedding 双方年龄悬殊的婚姻Kings English 标准英语Leap day/year 闰日 2.29/年 366Maid of Orleans 圣女贞德 Narrow squeak（口）九死一生的脱险Ninja turtle 忍者神龟Poet laureate 桂冠诗人Ponytail 马尾辫Protestant 新教徒Pulitzer Prize 普利策奖R
30、at race 激烈的竞争Red-light district 红灯区Readers Digest 读者文摘Russian roulette 俄罗斯轮盘赌Sexual harassment 性骚扰Short fuse 易怒的脾气Soft-soap 奉承讨好Silent contribution 隐名捐款Silly money 来路不明的钱Silver screen 银幕，电影界Summer complaint 夏季病，拉肚子Tenth-rate 最低等的，劣等的Vertical/lateral thinking 纵向，横向思维Wide-body 大部头的作品Wheel of life （佛教）
31、轮回Xenomania 媚外Yearbook 年鉴年刊Zen 禅Paparazzi 狗仔队Show people 娱乐界人士Exotic dance 脱衣舞Bearish 行情下跌的Bullish 行情上涨的State prisoner 政治犯Stowaway 偷渡者，逃票的乘客Plainclothesman 便衣警察Police dog 警犬Police post 派出所Negligent homicide 过失杀人Impostor 江湖骗子ICJ International Court of Justice 国际法院Espionage 间谍 间谍活动Lifer 职业军人Mine 地雷 水雷
32、Panzer 装甲车 坦克Off limits 军事禁区Q-boat 伪装成商船或渔船的武装船只Riot corps 防暴部队Standing army 常规军Sniper 狙击手Bermuda Triangle 百慕大三角洲Brain drain 脑力人才外流Brawn drain 劳力外流Break- dancing 霹雳舞French windows 落地窗Funeral home 殡仪馆Taillight 车尾灯Visiting team 客队Runner-up 亚军Black referee 黑哨Foul play 犯规动作Standing broad jump 立定跳远Undera
33、chiever 差等生Hothouse 对儿童进行学前教育Whiz kid 神童 优等生Newsbreak 重要新闻Needle trade 成衣业Massage parlour 挂按摩牌子的妓院Moonlight 作动词，干第二职业Mixed marriage 异族通婚 Moon roof 汽车的顶窗Egghead 对知识分子的蔑称 Dog days 七八月份的酷暑期，伏天Connoisseur 鉴赏家 Box office 票房Bridesmaid 女傧相Bee （美）为互助友好而举行的聚会Bigtime 红极一时的，赫赫有名的Bank of issue 发行银行Cater 美国总统克林顿
34、 （卡特二世。）Big stick 大棒政策Oxbridge 牛津和剑桥大学Multiversity 综合大学CDV compact video disc 激光光碟Beeper BP 机Exclusive 独家新闻Divorcee 离了婚的人disposable worker 临时工Eden 伊甸园Bandwagon 见风使舵Sapphire 蓝宝石Scrappage 报废物Shangri-la 香格里拉Obituary 补告Hangover 宿醉Full scholarship 全额奖学金Stone-cold fox 冰山美人Brain trust 政府的智囊团A-list 名流群，精英al
35、l-expense tour 自费游Bard-of-Avon 埃文河诗人，莎士比亚的别称Beau monde 上流社会Beautiful people 上流社会的时髦阶层Bagstuffer 街头广告传单Antichoice 反堕胎Backwater 死水，死气沉沉的地方Intercom 对讲机，闭路通讯装置In vitro fertilization 体外受精，试管受精Cottonmouth snake 百步蛇Laser surgery 激光外科手术Intercept 截球Unscrupulous bombing 狂轰滥炸Tommy gun (美) 冲锋枪Strafe 扫射，猛烈炮击Supe
36、rbomb 氢弹Unconditional surrender 无条件投降Losing battle 必败之战Military operation 作战Missile equipped destroyer 导弹驱逐舰Mess 军用食堂Rock-bottom 最低的Seed money 本钱Principal 本金，可生息Securities 证券，有价证券Sag 萧条，下跌Profiteer 投机商，奸商Prime 银行贷款的最低利率Red ink 赤字，亏损Ready money 现钞Bell-bottom trousers 喇叭裤语法标注解释 jubilee 五十周年大庆Jim Crow
37、对黑人的蔑称Iron lady 指铁娘子撒切尔夫人Itinerant 巡回的Intelligentsia 知识分子的总称，知识界，知识阶层Jack 千斤顶Blue moon 千载难逢的时机Benefit 义卖，义演，义赛Brainwave 灵感，突然想到的主意Honor man （美）优等生Full professor 正教授Doctorate 博士学位Alma Mater 母校Academician 院士Pony report 每日要闻报道Peter Funk （美俚）拍卖中冒充卖家抬高价格的冒牌出价人Pep rally 动员大会Pipe dream 白日梦，空想Pay TV 收费电视Pla
38、stic operation 整形手术Made man 成功的人Manicure 修指甲Mad money （美俚）私房钱Lotusland 逍遥乡Jolly Roger 海盗旗Invalid 病号，伤残者Informed sources 消息灵通的人士Hot air 吹牛，空话Idiot box （口）电视机Ins and outs 迂回曲折，底细In-flight meal 航空餐1. How are you doing?(你好吗？) 2. Im doing great。( 我过得很好。) 3. Whats up?(出什么事了/你在忙些什么/怎么了？) 4. Nothing special。( 没什么特别的。) 5. Hi. Long time no see。(嗨，好久不见了。) 6. So far so good。(到目前为止，一切都好。 ) 7. Things couldnt be better。(一切顺利。) 8. How about yourself?(你自己呢？) 9. Today is a great day。(今天是个好日子。) 10. Are you making progress?(有进展吗？) 11. May I have your name, please?(请问尊姓大名？)
