1、When Cindy Ballaghs 10-year-old son Kaden lost his portable videogame recently, she asked him where he last put it. His answer: on his dresser.After they spent several minutes searching on, under and all around the dresser, she happened to spot the game - buried in his bed. He had been playing with
2、it there the night before and broke a rule by falling asleep with it, says Ms. Ballagh, of Clarksville, Tenn. Frustrated, she told Kaden he would get in less trouble if he would just be honest and tell the truth.Its a tense moment - one almost all parents experience: You look in your childs eyes and
3、 realize: Hes lying.Lying is, in truth, a milestone of normal child development and starts as early as age 2. More than one-third of 3-year-olds will lie to keep from getting in trouble, based on research led by Victoria Talwar, an associate professor of developmental psychology at McGill University
4、 in Montreal. By ages 4 to 7, more than half of children will lie to avoid punishment, as Ms. Ballagh believes Kaden did, or to gain attention or approval; the same pattern appears in studies in Britain, West Africa and China.Researchers are taking a new interest in childrens lying, using experiment
5、al techniques to explore its role in cognitive and moral development and applying the knowledge to court cases and investigations of bullying and other problems. Even though lying is an expected behavior among children, parents influence whether it tapers off or escalates by serving as both police a
6、nd models of desirable behavior.The challenge with preschoolers is helping them distinguish between making up a fairy tale and telling a harmful lie. When Krista Hein found a bowl of cereal on the floor, her 4-year-old daughter Syra had an explanation: Monkey, the familys Chinese pug, did it. Anothe
7、r time, Syra grabbed a cookie from the kitchen, telling her mom that Daddy gave her permission.Ms. Hein loves Syras lively imagination and doesnt want her to stop telling stories about princesses and magic kingdoms. To teach her that lying to cover up a misdeed is bad, she talks about potential cons
8、equences, such as losing friends or hurting others feelings. If Syra honestly admits she broke a rule, Ms. Hein, who lives in Albuquerque, N.M., expresses her approval.Parents are remarkably bad at detecting their childrens lies. In experimental studies of preschoolers, parents were able to detect a
9、ccurately when their children were lying only 53% of the time - a little better than chance, according to a 2010 study led by Dr. Talwar. That falls to 33% by the time their kids are 6 to 8 years old. And parents of 9- to 11-year-olds have only about a 1 in 4 chance of knowing when their kids are ly
10、ing.Moms and dads have what researchers call a truthfulness bias. They want and need to believe their kids are telling the truth.And theres no Pinocchios nose to serve as a reliable signal that a child is lying, Dr. Talwar says. Sometimes kids will glance away uneasily, shift from one foot to the ot
11、her or cross arms in front of the body - but not always. Also, kids get better at concealing lies as they grow older, says researcher Angela Crossman, an associate professor of psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice at City University of New York.And the cleverest lies are often told
12、 by the most focused and socially savvy kids. To tell a plausible lie, children must be able to understand how others see things. They also have to be able to maintain an alibi in the face of parental questioning and scrutiny. Children with good executive function skills, including self-control and
13、the ability to focus on tasks, tend to be more skillful liars, Dr. Talwar says.Adults set a confusing example by lying once a day, on average, based on a 1996 study led by researchers at the University of Virginia. Daily diaries of 147 participants interactions with others showed that about 1 in 4 o
14、f the instances were white lies. Most of the others were attempts by study participants to appear kinder or smarter to others, or to avoid embarrassment.Parents who lie for conveniences sake, by calling in sick at work to attend a sporting event, for example, suggest truthfulness doesnt matter. Or t
15、hey might give mixed signals, such as, Get As at all costs, but Dont cheat, fostering the kind of stress that can lead to cheating.As children get older, they typically tell more white lies and fewer harmful ones. In a 2010 study of 120 children ages 7, 9 and 11, researchers at Beijing Normal Univer
16、sity in China found kids increasingly told altruistic lies to avoid hurting others feelings. By the teen years, some kids lie to pull away from their parents and gain privacy, but often lack the skills to handle the resulting challenges. On CafeM, where lying generates numerous posts from parents, o
17、ne mother wrote that her teen lied to cover up that he was being bullied at school because he wanted to handle it himself. When the mom realized why her son was struggling, she arranged counseling to help him cope.More than half of parents have been troubled by a child who lies regularly, usually be
18、tween the ages of 2 and 7, according to a recent poll of 125 parents by the parenting website BabyC. Harsh punishments dont work very well, research shows. Instead, psychologists say parents should get professional help if a childs lying becomes a habit or disrupts normal activities, such as friends
19、hips or school. Lying can be one sign of a what mental-health professionals call conduct disorder if children also have other problems, such as aggression, truancy from school or drug abuse, the American Academy of Pediatrics says.Creating an environment where truth is valued can help clear the fog.
20、 Kelly Gorskis 3-year-old daughter Lucidia was confused at a recent dinner gathering when she saw a guest compliment the host on her cooking, just minutes after they had overheard the same guest say privately that she disliked the meal.Ms. Gorski explained that the guest was trying to avoid hurting
21、the hosts feelings. Then she gave Lucidia an alternative: You can tell the truth without hurting someone by finding something else to praise - saying, for example, that she appreciated the effort in preparing the meal, says Ms. Gorski, of Allentown, Pa.The lesson, Ms. Gorski says: Its important to be an honest person, but there are many ways to communicate the truth without being blunt or forceful or harsh.
