1、Application Essay 写作 第三课 Narrative or Chronological Structure Narrative or Chronological StructureIf you have decided to focus on a single event in your life, you will want to use this structure. It can be filled with action, dialogue, and subtle details. Although, you should not confuse effective d
2、rama with overwrought, Hollywood-style melodrama. The briefest and simplest of events can take on meaning when told convincingly. Using a chronological or narrative structure over a long period of time (anything more than a day or two) can often read like a ships log. You dont want to sound like you
3、re rattling off a schedule of events. Rather, take on the role of storyteller and provide great detail about a very specific set of events. The sequence of events will help reinforce flow from one stage of the essay to the next and will make the difficult task of transitioning between paragraphs ver
4、y natural. While the narrative is one of the most effective forms of writing for an essay, it can also be difficult. Use the following tips as your write your narrative: Make the reader aware of chronology and keep the story generally moving forward. Dont feel obligated to tell more of the story tha
5、n you need to convey your point. Extra details distract from the main drive of the story. Try not to use reflective conclusions or introductions describing what you learned; start and end with the action and have everything take place within the context of the story. Describe events, people, and pla
6、ces in very specific, colorful terms.Narrative can be combined with other structures for an approach that is less risky but still interesting. Beginning an essay with a brief story is the most common and effective of such methods. Another twist on the narrative essay is one that describes a single p
7、lace, person, or action in great detail. It appeals to the senses of the audience without necessarily drawing on the action of a story. There is no standard structure found in this type of essay - each is differently organized - but all rely on crisp imagery and sensory detail, leaving the reader wi
8、th a single, vivid image. Single images are easier to remember than a list of points, qualities, traits, or qualifications, no matter how impressive any one or all of them may be. Still, this is a risky approach and is best employed when you have to provide multiple essays for one school so that you
9、 have a chance to structure your other essays more traditionally.SAMPLE ESSAY 1:Brown, achievement: Martial arts competitionA faint twinge of excitement floated through my body that night. A hint of anticipation of the coming day could not be suppressed; yet to be overcome with anxiety would not do
10、at all. I arduously forced those pernicious thoughts from seeping in and overcoming my body and mind. I still wonder that I slept at all that night.But I did. I slept soundly and comfortably as those nervous deliberations crept into my defenseless, unsuspecting mind, pilfering my calm composure. Whe
11、n I awoke refreshed, I found my mind swarming with jumbled exhilaration. The adrenaline was flowing already.After a quick breakfast, I pulled some of my gear together and headed out. The car ride of two hours seemed only a few moments as I struggled to reinstate order in my chaotic consciousness and
12、 focus my mind on the day before me. My thoughts drifted to the indistinct shadows of my memory.My opponents name was John Doe. There were other competitors at the tournament, but they had never posed any threat to my title. For as long as I had competed in this tournament, I had easily taken the bl
13、ack belt championship in my division. John, however, was the most phenomenal martial artist I had ever had the honor of witnessing at my young age of thirteen. And he was in my division. Although he was the same rank, age, size, and weight as I, he surpassed me in almost every aspect of our training
14、. His feet were lightning, and his hands were virtually invisible in their agile swiftness. He wielded the power of a bear while appearing no larger than I. His form and techniques were executed with near perfection. Although I had never defeated his flawlessness before, victory did not seem unattai
15、nable. For even though he was extraordinary, he was not much more talented than I. I am not saying that he was not skilled or even that he was not more skilled than I, for he most certainly was, but just not much more than I. I still had one hope, however little, of vanquishing this incredible adver
16、sary, for John had one weakness: he was lazy. He didnt enjoy practicing long hours or working hard. He didnt have to. Nevertheless, I had found my passage to triumph.My mind raced even farther back to all my other failures. I must admit that my record was not very impressive. Never before had I comp
17、leted anything. I played soccer. I quit. I was a Cub Scout. I quit. I played trumpet. I quit. Karate was all I had left. The championship meant so much because I had never persevered with anything else.In the last months, I had trained with unearthly stamina and determination. I had focused all my e
18、nergies into practicing for this sole aspiration. Every day of the week I trained. Every evening, I could be found kicking, blocking, and punching at an imaginary opponent in my room. Hours of constant drilling had improved my techniques and speed. All my techniques were ingrained to the point where
19、 they were instinctive. Days and weeks passed too swiftly. . . .I was abruptly jolted back into the present. The car was pulling into the parking lot. The tournament had too quickly arrived, and I still did not feel prepared for the trial which I was to confront. I stepped out of the car into the br
20、ight morning sun, and with my equipment bag in hand, walked into the towering building.The day was a blur. After warming up and stretching, I sat down on the cold wooden floor, closed my eyes, and focused. I cleared my mind of every thought, every worry, and every insecurity. When I opened my eyes,
21、every sense and nerve had become sharp and attentive, every motion finely tuned and deliberate.The preliminary rounds were quiet and painless, and the championship fight was suddenly before me. I could see that John looked as calm and as confident as ever. Adrenaline raced through my body as I stepp
22、ed into the ring. We bowed to each other and to the instructor, and the match began.I apologize, but I do not recall most of the fight. I do faintly remember that when time ran out the score was tied, and we were forced to go into Sudden Death: whoever scored the next point would win. That, however,
23、 I do recall.I was tired. The grueling two points that I had won already had not been enough. I needed one more before I could taste triumph. I was determined to win, though I had little energy remaining. John appeared unfazed, but I couldnt allow him to discourage me. I focused my entire being, my
24、entire consciousness, on overcoming this invincible nemesis. I charged. All my strenuous training, every molecule in my body, every last drop of desire was directed, concentrated on that single purpose as I exploded through his defenses and drove a solitary fist to its mark.温馨提示：专业的事情，交给专业的机构来完成。10
25、年来，监审留学一直致力于留学文书的写作服务，已经帮助过无数留学生申请到理想的大学，擅长美国，加拿大，英国和澳洲的个人陈述和推荐信写作。如果您有写作方面的需求可以 联系 QQ：970865017，按时交稿，绝不拖延，再也不用发愁。I was not aware that I would never fight John again, but I would not have cared. Never before had I held this prize in my hands, but through pure, salty sweat and vicious determination,
26、the achievement that I had desired so dearly and which meant so much to me was mine at last. This was the first time that I had ever really made a notable accomplishment in anything. This one experience, this one instant, changed me forever. That day I found self-confidence and discovered that perse
27、verance yields its own sweet fruit. That day a sense of invincibility permeated the air. Mountains were nothing. The sun wasnt so bright and brilliant anymore. For a moment, I was the best.COMMENTS:The admissions officers admired this essay for its passion and sincerity. In fact, most of the noted d
28、rawbacks were based on the writer being too passionate. “Kind of a tempest in a teapot, dont you think?” wrote one. Other suggestions for improvement were “purely editorial” such as the overuse of adjectives and adverbs, using a passive voice, and making contradictory statements. “For example, he sa
29、ys, I slept soundly and comfortably as those nervous deliberations crept into my defenseless, unsuspecting mind, pilfering my calm composure. How could he sleep soundly and comfortably if the nervous deliberations were pilfering his calm composure? There are a few other examples like that that I won
30、t go into here. I would just suggest that the author look carefully to be sure his ideas stay consistent and support one another.”What I like about this essay from the point of view of an admission officer is that I am convinced that the change in attitude described by the author is real. I do belie
31、ve that he will carry with him forever the hard-won knowledge that he can attain his goals, that perseverance and hard work will eventually allow him to succeed in any endeavor. This is an important quality to bring to the college experience. Especially when considering applications to prestigious i
32、nstitutions, the admission committee will want to feel sure that the applicants understand the need for hard work and perseverance. Many times the strongest-looking applicants are students for whom academic success has come so easily that the challenges of college come as a shock. I always like hear
33、ing stories like this, of students who know what it means to struggle and finally succeed.SAMPLE ESSAY 2:Harvard, hobbies and interests: ViolinStruck with sudden panic, I hastily flipped through the many papers in my travel folder until I spotted the ticket. I nervously thrust it toward the beaming
34、stewardess, but took the time to return her wide smile. Before stepping into the caterpillar tunnel I looked back at my parents, seeking reassurance, but I sensed from their plastered-on grins and overly enthus-iastic waves that they were more terrified than I. I gave them a departing wave, grabbed
35、my violin case, and commenced my first solitary journey.Seated in the plane I began to study the pieces I would soon be performing, trying to dispel the flutterings in my stomach. I listened to some professional recordings on my Walkman, mimicking the fingerings with my left hand while watching the
36、sheet music.“Where ya goin?” smiling businessman-seatmate interrupted.“To the National High School Orchestra,” I answered politely, wanting to go back to the music. “Its composed of students chosen from each states All-State ensemble.” After three days of rehearsal, the orchestra would be giving a c
37、oncert at a convention center in Cincinnati. I focused back on the music, thinking only of the seating audition I would have to face in a few hours.When I arrived at the hotel in Cincinnati, instruments and suitcases cluttered every hallway, other kids milled around aimlessly, and the line to pick u
38、p room keys was infinitely long. In line I met my social security blanket, a friendly Japanese exchange student, name, who announced proudly and frequently, “I fro Tayx-aas!” Both glad to have met someone, we adopted each other as friends of circumstance, and touched on a few of the many differences
39、 between Japanese and American culture (including plumbing apparatuses!)Soon all of the performers received an audition schedule, and we went rushing to our rooms to practice. I had an hour until my audition, and repeated the hardest passages ad nauseam. When my time finally came, I flew up to the n
40、inth floor and into the dreaded audition room. Three judges sat before a table. They chatted with me, futilely attempting to calm me. All too soon they resumed serious expressions, and told me which sections to perform. They were not the most difficult ones, but inevitably my hands shook and sweated
41、 and my mind wandered. . . .I felt giddy leaving the audition room. The immense anxiety over the audition was relieved, yet the adrenaline still rushed through me. I wanted to yell and laugh and jump around and be completely silly, for my long-awaited evaluation was over. After dinner the seating li
42、st would be posted and I would know just where I fit in with the other musicians, all of whom intimidated me by their mere presence at the convention.Solitary, having been unable to find name or any of my three roommates, I entered the dining room. I glanced feverishly around the giant room which sw
43、armed with strangers.I gathered up all of my courage and pride for the first time ever, and approached a group I had no preconceived notions about. I sat quietly at first, gathering as much information as I could about the new people. Were they friend material? After careful observation of their soc
44、ialization, I hypothesized that these complete strangers were very bright and easy to talk to, and shared my buoyant (but sometimes timid), sense of humor. I began to feel at home as we joked about S.A.T.s, drivers licenses, and other teenage concerns. I realized then how easy it is to get along wit
45、h people I meet by coincidence. I became eager to test my newfound revelation.The flutterings returned to my stomach when I approached the seating lists which everyone strained to see. “I knew it; I got last chair,” I heard someone announce. My flutterings intensified. I located the violin list and scanned for my name from the bottom up. My tender ego wouldnt let me start at the top and get increasingly disappointed
