1、大学申请文章商学院Praise The below edit and critique earned this comment from the customer: Hi. my name is XXX and I have used your services four times during the process of applying to XXX as an undergraduate business major. I am pleased to say that I was successfully admitted based on a strong appeal. I wa
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5、rantee. Unedited Version: Question: With on-line transactions being performed with ever-increasing frequency, hundreds of Web sites collect “personal” information about their customers on a daily basis. Do companies have an obligation to protect the privacy of their customers, or, conversely, do the
6、y have the right to collect and disperse consumer information at their own discretion? Should on-line privacy be regulated by governmental mandate, or is consumer protection the ponsibility of the corporations and/or their customers? Given the Internets borderless nature, many e-commerce companies a
7、re facing inconsistencies in the marketplace when is comes to regulations over online consumer privacy. Over the past decade, numerous surveys have been conducted internationally only to have found consistent and majority concerns about consumer online privacy. For example, Westin (1998) found that
8、81% of Internet users are concerned about threats to their privacy while online. While a more recent survey, by the Federal Trade Commission, of major e-commerce sites found that roughly 20% met FTC standards for protecting consumer privacy. The issue of online privacy seemed to reach peak levels wh
9、en the European Union expressed deep concern last year that the U.S. standards of securing online privacy was too low. While the single-issue privacy concerns may be posting of privacy policies, freedom of consumers to limit use of their personal data, or the secure handling of all information given
10、 voluntarily or through the use of cookies, the issue of online privacy is crucial to the development of the e-commerce industry. The Clinton administration has long been strongly advocated a laissez-faire approach despite a tough new European Union privacy directive that has threatened to disrupt e
11、lectronic commerce between the United States and Europe. Although Clinton stated in a commencement speech at Eastern Michigan University last May, “We cant let breakthroughs in technology break down the walls of privacy. We must be able to enjoy the benefits of technology without sacrificing our pri
12、vacy.” Many online marketers have endorsed self-regulation, citing that federal intervention could ruin e-commerce entirely. In the effort of scrutinizing the existing self-regulation, it is clear that the consumers groups and government are still weary of most of the privacy statements of major Int
13、ernet companies mainly because they are contradictory, hard to find, and subject to change which is deficient of any mechanisms of enforcement or redress by law. A major concern of the e-commerce industry is that the difference of a normal company and an e-commerce one is the personalization that co
14、mes from knowing more about a users needs and wants. The industrys response to the threat of consumer uprise and government regulation has been significant in the efforts of the bigger corporations. Groups such as CPEX, Customer Profile Exchange, created a coalition of Internet companies that will t
15、ry to assure privacy advocates and consumers that they will protect the information consumers share and companies exchange. Corporations such as Microsoft, AOL, AT we made sure, however, to allow your own ideas and voice to remain intact. Your own vocabulary is strong, and your words well-chosen, ye
16、t we tried to broaden your diction and use more suitable words wherever possible. We also removed portions of sentences if we thought they were unnecessary or that they cluttered your ideas. On the other hand, we inserted some phrases and even entire statements to clarify your thoughts. Since you ex
17、pressed dissatisfaction with your thesis and conclusion, you will find that we made some changes there (although we felt the conclusion was relatively fine). Awkward sentences were revised, and we varied your sentence structure to keep the reader interested in the writing. There was a segment of the
18、 essay that concerned us. You state “These industry developments could prevent a company called DoubleClick from acquiring Abacus Direct, one of the countrys largest catalog database services, in November of 1999. This acquisition would, for the first time, allow an Internet advertiser to match actu
19、al names with other personal information that is anonymously collected online.” Did this transaction indeed take place in 1999? At a later point in the essay, you refer to it again as though it did take place? Yet this quoted segment is confusing. If the transaction did NOT take place, you should re
20、write it as follows: “These industry developments prevented a company called DoubleClick from acquiring Abacus Direct, one of the countrys largest catalog database services, in November of 1999. This acquisition would have allowed, for the first time, an Internet advertiser to match actual names wit
21、h other personal information that is anonymously collected online.” Please bear in mind that we have a bias to change things rather than to leave them the same. You should read the revised essay carefully and choose the changes that best suit you. We hope you continue to use our professional editing
22、 services, and we wish you the best of luck in your application process.Edited Essay: Significantly improves each essay using the same voice as the author. The only way to evaluate editing is to compare the original essay with the edited version. We significantly improve essays both for clients who
23、write poorly and for clients who write exceptionally well.Given the Internets borderless nature, many e-commerce companies find themselves facing inconsistencies in the marketplace regarding consumer privacy regulations. In the past decade, numerous surveys throughout the world have found widespread
24、 privacy concerns among consumers. For example, Westin (1998) found that 81% of Internet users express apprehension about entering personal data online. Moreover, a recent survey by the Federal Trade Commission revealed that only approximately 20% of major e-commerce sites met FTC standards for prot
25、ecting consumer privacy. This issue seemed to reach peak levels when the European Union expressed deep concern last year that the U.S. standards of securing online privacy were too low. The issue of online privacy, whether it concerns the posting of privacy policies, the freedom of consumers to limi
26、t use of their personal data, or the secure handling of all information given voluntarily or through the use of cookies,” is crucial to the development of the e-commerce industry. The Clinton administration has long been a strong advocate of a laissez-faire approach, despite a stringent new European
27、 Union privacy directive that threatens to disrupt electronic commerce between the United States and Europe. Clinton did, however, state in a commencement speech at Eastern Michigan University last May, “We cant let breakthroughs in technology break down the walls of privacy. We must be able to enjo
28、y the benefits of technology without sacrificing our privacy.” Many online marketers endorse self-regulation, citing that federal intervention could ruin e-commerce entirely. Yet close examination of the existing self-regulation reveals that consumer groups and the government are wary of most online
29、 privacy statements, mainly because they are contradictory, hard to find, and subject to change, which weakens mechanisms of enforcement or redress by the law. If protecting consumers is to be a priority among online merchants, significant, industry-wide change must take place in their privacy polic
30、ies. The e-commerce industry maintains that the difference between a normal company and an online one is the personalization that comes from knowing more about a users needs and wants. The larger e-commerce corporations have indeed responded to customer and government concerns. Groups such as Customer Profile Exchange (CPEX) have created a coalition of Internet companies that promise to protect the information that consumers share and companies exchange.
