1、第一集孩子们吃早饭了Kids, breakfast!孩子们Kids?菲尔把他们叫下来好吗Phil, would you get them?好等下Yeah. Just a sec.孩子们Kids!-这真是-算了- That is - Okay.孩子们快下来Kids? Get down here!我们远在楼上你们喊也没用Why are you guys yelling at us when were way upstairs?-发短信就行了-那是不可能的- Just text me. - All right. Thats not gonna happen.你不能穿这套衣服出门And, wow! Y
2、oure not wearing that outfit.这衣服怎么了Whats wrong with it?亲爱的对你女儿这条裙子Honey, do you have anything to say-有什么意见吗-不好意思- to your daughter about her skirt? - Sorry.-挺可爱的嘛宝贝-谢了- Oh, yeah. That looks really cute, sweetheart. - Thanks.不行这裙子太短了No. Its way too short.大家知道你是女生People know youre a girl.没必要穿这么少给他们看Yo
3、u dont need to prove it to them.卢克又把头卡在栏杆里了Luke got his head stuck in the banister again.我去吧婴儿油在哪儿I got it. Wheres the baby oil?在我们床头的我不知道你自己找Its on our bedside tab- I dont know. Find it.拜托Come on!我在成长期间很皮I was out of control growing up.你看我坦白了There, you know? I said it.我只是不想让我的孩子I-I just dont want m
4、y kids.犯我一样的错to make the same bad mistakes I made.只要海莉没有半裸着在佛罗里达沙滩上醒来I-If Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked我就完成任务了Ive done my job.-我俩的任务-对- Our job. - Right.我就算完成了我俩的任务Ive done our job.加油曼尼踢球啊踢啊Vamos, Manny! Kick it! Kick it!别让他踢啊Dont let him- Kick it!曼尼加油往右跑往右Manny, go! A la de
5、recha!A la derecha!不不不要啊No! No, no.他下绊子杰怎么没人吹犯规He tripped him, Jay. Wheres the penalty?歌洛莉亚他们落后了球了Gloria, theyreand .你小点声叫喊Lets take it down a notch.我们非常不同Were very different.杰来自城市Jays from the city.他的生意做得很大He has a big business.我来自一个小山村I come from a small village.很穷但风景怡人Very poor but very, very bea
6、utiful.我们村拥有全哥伦比亚最多的Its the number one village in all Colombia for all the-什么词来着Whats the word?凶杀案Murders.对凶杀案Yes. The murders.曼尼拦住他Manny, stop him!拦住他你可以的Stop him! You can do it!你真烂曼尼Damn it, Manny!教练让那孩子下场Come on, coach. You gotta take that kid out.你想让他下场吗不如我让你下场如何You wanna take him out? How about
7、 I take you out?-亲爱的-你还是操心你的儿子吧- Honey, honey. - Why dont you worry about your son?他整个上半场光忙着抓裤裆了He spent the first half with his hand in his pants!那话我周来一直想对她说来着Ive wanted to tell her off for the last six weeks.我叫乔希莱恩的爸爸Im Josh. Ryans dad.我叫歌洛莉亚曼尼的妈妈Hi, Im Gloria Pritchett. Mannys mother.-这是你父亲吧-她父亲?
8、- Oh, and this must be your dad. - Her dad?-是啊-不不是真搞笑- Yeah. - No, no. Thats funny.其实我是她老公Actually, no, Im her husband.别被外表骗了Dont be fooled by the, uh-稍等Give me a second here.谁是乖宝宝是谁啊Who is a good girl? Whos that?是谁啊Whos that?-她真可爱-谢谢- Oh, shes adorable. - Oh, thank you.你好小公主Hi, precious. Hello.我们刚从
9、越南领养了她Uh, we just, uh- We just adopted her from Vietnam.这是我们第一次带她回家And were bringing her home for the first time, huh?她像个小天使你们夫妻俩一定很激动Shes an angel. You and your wife must be thrilled.抱歉我来晚了老爹去买点心了Sorry, sorry, sorry. Daddy needed snacks.大家在聊什么呢So, what are we talking about?我们在一起已经.5年了吧?Uh, we have
10、been together for- guh, five- five years now?我们非常想要一个孩子And, uh, we just- we decided we really wanted to have a baby.一开始我们想找一个So, we had initially asked one of our女同性恋朋友做代孕母亲lesbian friends to be a surrogate, but-后来又想她们平时就够刻薄了Then we figured, theyre already mean enough.你能想象她们怀孕后会如何变本加厉吗Can you imagin
11、e one of em pregnant? Pregnant, no.还是算了吧想想就怕No, thank you. Ick.你看到没大家在逗莉莉玩You saw that, right? Everybody fawning over Lily,你一走进来他们就装作and then you walk on and suddenly its all,看购物杂志Ooh, SkyMall.考虑买个电动领带架什么的I gotta buy a motorized tie rack.我得教育一下这帮人All right, you know, Im gonna give the speech.千万别这么做Y
12、ou are not giving the speech.你还得和他们一起呆上小时呢Youre gonna be stuck with these people for the next five hours好吧你说得对我错了Youre right, youre right. Okay. Im sorry.Cream Puffs意为泡芙或者娘娘腔你看那个拿着泡芙的宝宝-好吧够了-Look at that baby with those cream puffs. -Okay. Excuse me不好意思Excuse me.这宝宝原本可能会在人满为患的孤儿院里成长This baby would h
13、ave grown up in a crowded orphanage多亏我们这些娘娘腔收养呢if it wasnt for us Cream puffs.你们这些搞歧视的人 -米奇尔And you know what? Note to all of you who judge- Mitchell给我听好了爱不分种族信仰Hear this. Love knows no race, creed-不分性别Or gender.-我为你们感到羞耻-米奇尔- And shame on you, - Mitchell.你们这些狭隘愚昧的-米奇尔- you small-minded, ignorant fe
14、w - Mitchell!-干嘛-人家说的是泡芙- What? -Shes got the cream puffs.各位的耳机费我们请了We would like to pay for everyones headsets.兄弟你怎么老是卡在这里面Buddy. Why do you keep getting stuck like this?我以为这次能拔出来呢I thought I could get out this time.我直说了吧他得去检查一下智商Im just gonna say it. He needs to be checked by a specialist.好了你自由了Th
15、ere. Be free.亚瑟王之剑拔出来了Excalibur.-今天我有朋友来家里玩-谁啊- Im having a friend over today. - Who?-你不认识他-他？- Uh, you dont know him. - Him? Him?哇男生你会和他亲嘴吗Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?-闭嘴-别激动别激动- Shut up. - Easy. Easy.-闭嘴-你才闭嘴- Yeah, shut up! - No, you shut up!卢克和艾丽克斯你们俩出去解决好吗Luke, Alex, why dont you take it out
16、side, okay?怎么解决And do what?-在太阳下决斗不错吧-海莉- Fight in the sun. Itll be a nice change. - Haley.我逗你们玩呢-是谁要来- Im kidding. - Whos the boy?他叫迪兰His name is Dylan.我还是别让他来算了I might as well tell him not to come.不然你们又得让我丢脸Because you guys are just going to embarrass me again.亲爱的等等Sweetie, hang on a second.你15岁了还
17、是第一次有男生来家里Youre 15 , and its the first time youve had a boy over.我是有点小吃惊Im bound to be a little surprised,可我不会让你丢脸的but Im not gonna embarrass you.我去给摄像机充好电I better charge the camcorder.逗你玩呢别这样也不看看我是谁Im kidding. Come on. Who are you talking to?我是酷老爹这是我的风格Im the cool dad. Thats- Thats my thing.我酷毙了我会上
18、网Im hip. I- I surf the Web.我会发短信LOL大声笑I text. LOL- Laugh out loud.OMG-饿滴神OMG- Oh, my God.WTF意思是苦逼脸WTF- Why the face?WTF=What the FUCK意思是搞毛歌舞青春里所有的舞我都会跳Um, you know, I know all the dancesto High School Musical,so-我们现在欢聚一堂Were all in this together没错Yes, we are我们都是大明星Were all stars Something, something
19、 you know it-妈爸-什么事- Mom! Dad! - What happened?-卢克用枪射我-我不是故意的- Luke just shot me! - I didnt mean to.-你没事吧-有事- Are you okay? - No.这小贱人用枪射我The little bitch shot me.-别说脏话-只是塑料枪这是意外- Language!Theyre only plastic BBs. It was an accident.早就告诉你给他枪就会出事What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun?-你
20、看着办吧 -老弟不对哦- Deal with this. - Buddy, uncool.就这样不行不行Thats it? Thats- No, no, no, no.我们说好他用枪射了别人你就得射他的The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.-我们当时是认真的吗-当然是真的- We were serious about that? - Yes, we were.所以你现在要按说好的执行And now you have to follow through.对不起-再装- Im so sorry. - Liar.-去吧-
21、他还要去参加生日会呢- Go. - Hes got a birthday party.哪个更重要爸爸Whats more important here, Dad?你可以之后再射他他两点就能到家You can shoot him afterwards. Hell be home at :.两点不行I cant shoot him at :.我两点还得带人去看房子Im showing a house at :.-三点吧-不行三点他有足球赛- What about 3:00? - No, hes got a soccer game at 3:00.然后我们五点就得去赴宴And then- Oh, w
22、e gotta leave for that dinner thing at 5:00.4点15吧你可以在那时候射他4:15. You could shoot him at 4:15.行那个时候我有空Yeah, I guess that works for me. Oh!-射卢克-抱歉记入日程了- Shoot Luke. - Sorry, dude. Its on the calendar.别这样啊Oh, come on!我不想踢足球了那是小孩玩的Im quitting soccer. It is a game for children.不你不能放弃No, youre not quitting
23、.对方之所以会进球You would have stopped that goal完全是因为你光顾着看小女孩了if you werent staring at that little girl.她不是女孩她是女人She is not a girl. Shes a woman.歌洛莉亚你犯得着非要和You know, Gloria, that little blowup with that other mom那个妈妈吵架吗Why do you have to do things like that?如果有人说我的家人If somebody says something about my fami
24、ly,-我一定-我只是说- Im going to - Im just saying.你火气应该小一点就这样You could take it down here a little bit. Thats all.没错你总是这么忍气吞声的Oh, yeah. Cause thats where you live, down here.-可我咽不下这口气-可是- But I live up here! - Yeah, but,我只是说你别那么容易激动嘛you dont have to be so emotional all the time.Thats all Im saying.曼尼你也这么觉得吧
25、Manny, youre with me on this, right?我要告诉布兰达费德曼我爱她I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her.-天啊-曼尼她都16岁了- Oh, for God sakes. - Manny, shes 16.你不就找了年长的对象吗Oh. Its okay for you to take an older lover?-嘿说话注意点-我要去她上班的商场- Hey, watch it. - I wanna go to the mall where she works.不过我先得换上我的白衬衫丝绸的那件But first I nee
26、d to get my white shirt, the silk one.好吧如果你真想这么做的话Okay. If thats what you really want to do.说真的不是我要当恶毒的后爹Seriously. Not to be the evil stepdad,可你要真穿着那臃肿的白衬衣but if you put on a puffy white shirt.去向16岁的姑娘告白and declare your love for a 16-year-old,你会被扒得只剩条白内裤youre gonna be swinging from the flagpole然后被吊
27、在旗杆上in your puffy white underpants.-停车-你去哪儿- Stop the car. - Oh, where are you going?看到没你伤他的心了See? You hurt his feelings.要是这能让他变得坚强点Ah- Well, if it toughens him up a little bit then-妈呀他去采野花了Oh, geez. Hes picking flowers.曼尼是个多情种和他爹一样Mannys very passionate, just like his father.我的前夫风度翩翩但太疯狂了My first h
28、usband- hes very handsome, but too crazy.我们不是在吵架就是在做爱It seemed like all we did was fight and make love,吵架做爱吵架做爱fight and make love, fight and make love.说真的有一次我们从窗口摔下去了One time, Im not kidding you, we fell out the window together你们当时到底在做什么Which- Which one were you doing?我也是第一次听说Im hearing this for th
29、e first time.你不担心吗This doesnt worry you?她在飞机上就没怎么睡现在还很清醒She barely slept on the plane and shes still wide awake.-别想多了-不想才怪- Oh, stop worrying. - I cant.那个孤儿院里都是女人That- That orphanage was all women.也许离开女性柔软的怀抱她就睡不着Maybe she just- she cant fall asleep unless she feels a womans shape.-有可能-那你抱着她- I gues
30、s thats possible. - So here.你这话是什么意思What the hell is that supposed to mean?没错Yes,在等待领养孩子的期间我是长胖了一点Ive gained a few extra pounds while we wereexpecting the baby,过程相当艰辛which has been very difficult.但显然你的身体会But apparently your body产生一些母性的本能反应does a nesting, very maternal, primal thing.来储存养分where it ret
31、ains nutrients-像是分子生理学那类的some sort of molecular physiology thing.那是科学事实But thats science.人类根本无力抵抗You cant- You cant fight it, so-我没别的意思-你就是话里有话- Im not saying anything. - Youre saying everything.-数到- Count to three. - One, two-好吧- Three. - Okay.-小卡真美-我的天你喜欢吗- Oh, Cam. This is beautiful. - Oh, my God
32、. Do you love it?当然我Yes, I-这是什么玩意What the hell is that?我让安珠尔趁我们不在时画的I had Andre do it while we were gone.那是我俩吗还有翅膀Is that us, with wings?我们在她的上方永远守护着她Were floating above her, always there to protect her.这真让人心安对吧莉莉Okay. Well, thats reassuring, right, Lily?我们把你从熟悉的环境中抢出来Yes, we tore you away from ever
33、ything you know,可别担心新环境一切正常but dont worry, things are normal here.你的大爸二爸可是飞天小精灵哦Your fathers are floating fairies.不行你能叫安珠尔No, can you call Andre,重新画点不那么基情的东西吗have him paint something a little less gay?另外我们也该少和安珠尔往来By the way, we need to stop having friends他名字也太娘了with names like Andre.-红发老爹怒火旺盛-我才不是-
34、 Redheaded dad is angry daddy. - No, Im not.你就是Yes, you are.回来的路上连胡娇都看出来了Even Pepper pointed it out on the way home from the airport.你看又一个娘气的名字胡娇Okay, thats another one- Pepper.你到底怎么不爽Okay, whats up?好吧听着All right, look. I-我还没有告诉家里领养孩子的事I- I never told my family we were adopting a baby.-而且-我知道- And.
35、- I know.-你知道-我不怪你我了解你家人- You do? - Yeah, and I dont blame you. I know your family.你一告诉他们他们就开始说三道四Youd tell em. Theyd say something judgmental.-就是这样-然后你就会生气- Exactly. - Youd get mad.没错当爹本该是一件喜事I know. And then something thats supposedto be nothing but joyful转眼就变成一团混战suddenly turns into this huge fig
36、ht.谁愿意让事情变得一团糟呢And who wants a big, emotional scene like that?谢谢谢谢Thank you. Thank you.你能理解我真是让我松了一口气Im so- Im so relieved you understand.所以我邀请了他们今晚来吃饭I invited them over for dinner tonight.-什么-我也是不得已- What? - I had to.这样下去没完没了你就只会逃避This would have gone on forever. Youre an avoider.不小卡我现在就打电话取消这件事No
37、. No. No. Cam, Im calling them right now and canceling.不准打No, youre not.今晚你得把领养的事告诉全家人Youre telling your family you adopted a baby, tonight.你就是喜欢逃避连朗吉娜都这么说And you do have avoidance issues. Even Longinus said so.你自己听听这些名字有多娘Are- Are you really not hearing these names?你们别管了我来开门Dont answer it! Ill get
38、it!你好你一定是迪兰吧Hi. Hey, you must be Dylan.-是的迪兰-我是海莉的妈妈- Hey. Dylan. Yeah. - Im Haleys mother.-我们走吧-那个- Come on. Lets go. - Okay. Um-等一下Hang on one second.迪兰你还在念高中吗Dylan, youre still in high school?-是我高三了-高三很好- Yeah, Im a senior. -A senior. Okay. Cool.菲尔亲爱的这是迪兰他读高三Hey, Phil. Sweetie. Honey. He is Dylan
39、, and he is a senior.你得给他个下马威You have to scare him.让我瞧瞧这个花心大少Let me meet this Playa.在下菲尔邓菲Phil Dunphy, yo.就是这样你只需死盯着他们看Its like that. You just- You just stare down at em,用眼神中的杀气震住他们let the eyes do the work.你嘴上说着没问题Your mouth might be saying, Hey, we cool,可你的眼神说才怪but your eyes are like, No, we not.很高
40、兴见到你才怪Nice to meet you. No, its not.挺不错嘛Its all good.才怪No, its not.-我看你俩已经-等一下- Okay, I see you two guys- - Wait, wait, wait.你们俩You two-你俩要坦诚相待懂吗小子You two keep it real, know what I mean, son?不太懂Not really.-求求你别说了-没事- Please, stop. - Thats cool.-妈呀我的背-亲爱的- Ow. Oh, God! Thats my back. - Oh, honey. Swe
41、etheart.我被婴儿油滑倒了Ow! Oh! I slipped in the baby oil.你哪儿冒出来的啊Oh, where you from originally?单挑的话我轻而易举就能放倒你I could defeat you if it came to a physical confrontation.我不知道该怎么办要打电话叫医生吗I dont know about this. Should I call a doctor?不用不用好了No, no, no, no, no. Okay.-小样儿挺强壮的啊-谢谢夸奖- Youre very strong, homes. - Thanks.-好轻轻放下我-好了- Okay. Nice- Nice soft landing. - There you go.-行了我们走吧-我还侧躺着- Okay, lets go. Come on. - I am on my side though.现在只需把
