1、1打造高分作文 培养语言美感我们今天探讨的话题是如何指导学生打造高分作文，培养语言美感。首先让我们来回顾一下湖北高考作文第五档（25-30 分）的评分要求:- 所有内容与提示吻合。- 应用了较为丰富的语法结构和词汇。- 语法结构与词汇应用准确，虽有个别错误，但不影响意义的表达；具备较强的语言运用能力。- 恰当使用了语句间的连接成分，全文结构紧凑。完全达到了预期的写作目的。通过对高考评分要求的解读，我们不难发现一篇优美的高分作文必须具备以下几个特点：1. Coherence 连贯性 著名语言学家丁往道曾在 高级英语写作中对连贯性进行了这样的描述：Coherence means clear and
2、 reasonable connection between parts . A sentence is coherent when its words or parts are properly connected and their relationships unmistakably clear. Coherence of a paragraph is concerned with its form or its organization. The sentence in a paragraph should be arranged in a clear, logical order,
3、and the transitions should be smooth and natural. 通过对这段话的解读，我们可以很清楚地知道连贯性意味着句子的各个部分、段落中的各个句子以及文章的各个段落有着清晰的、合乎逻辑的关系。在一个句子中，只有它的词语和各个部分紧密地联系在一起、各个部分有着清晰、明确的逻辑关系，这个句子才是连贯的；在一个段落中，各个句子要按明晰地、合乎逻辑的方式连接，通过恰当的连接词的选用，使语段成为一个整体。在一个语篇中，各个段落要服务于一个中心，段与段之间要有必要的过渡性语句，否则写出来的文章会如一盘散沙。2. Variety 多样性 Variety is essen
4、tial to good writing. A series of sentences of the same structure and length, beginning with the same noun or pronoun as the subject, would sound monotonous. Variety is achieved when short sentences are used in between long ones,simple sentences in between compound and complex ones. But variety is n
5、ot to be sought for its own sake. The structure and length of sentences are primarily determined by the ideas to be expressed . Only when ideas are properly expressed is variety desirable.英语习作中的多样性包括两个层次：即词汇的多样性和句式的多样性。在同一篇习作中，学生应该尽量避免使用相同的单词。句式的选择在确保准确性的前提下，要尽量做到多样化、生动、只有这样的句子才能吸引阅卷老师的眼球。相反，同一个名词或动
6、词多次出现在文中或全篇使用单一语法结构、甚至连长度都相当的句子，无疑看起来是单调的。在这里，我们必须要强调的是影响意义表达而生搬硬套一些句式或使用有明显语法错误的句式是英语作文中的大忌。 3. Conciseness 简洁性 A sentence should contain no unnecessary words. If the idea is fully expressed, the fewer words are used, the better.虽然我们强调在英语习作中使用丰富的高级词2汇和多变的句型，有些学生往往会为了展示自己的语言功底，将英语作文写得很长。其实英语作文并不是说越长
7、越好，它强调的是言简意赅。在完整表达意义的前提下，所用词语越精辟越好。切忌过分堆砌中长句而使文章结构零散。另外，在文章的组织上，英语习作不提倡迂回宛转，要求开门见山。那么，针对这些特点，老师如何在教学中指导学生进行训练来打造高分作文呢？下面我们将从措词、组句、成篇等几个方面进行论述。1Diction 措词 词汇是语言的建筑材料。措词包括词汇的选择及使用，它体现了考生的词汇能力，彰显考生的语言功底。高考评分标准有一个原则，就是看作文中所用的高级词汇和复杂的句式结构的数量和准确性。这里所说的“高级词汇” 并不是指生僻或怪异的词，而是指学生在高中阶段学过的，出现在英语报纸、杂志中频率比较高的词汇，或
8、大纲中有却没有识记要求，课本中出现不多；或大纲中没有列入却在实际运用中经常用到的词汇。因此词汇的选择应尽可能新颖独到，丰富多变；但也不能一味的追求“高级”而忽略了用词的准确性和得体性。为了保证词汇的多样性和准确性，我们要求学生在词汇的选择和使用上遵循如下原则：1. 推陈出新原则 写作文时，学生首先想到的可能都是那些熟悉的、简单的、陈旧的词汇，普通且档次低。我们要引导他们将这些陈词升级，更新为高中刚刚学过的、最新的单词，尤其是恰当地使用好高二高三学过的，学以致用，就会吸引阅卷老师的眼球。比如学生作文中出现的Habits play an important role in our daily li
9、fe. important 就很简单，陈旧，我们可以把它升级成 significant 就高级了。It has become common that students go to “one-to-one” classes. 这里的 common 就很普通，可以升级为 universal.再如：The dinner looks a little bit terrible.(普通) The dinner looks a little bit disgusting.令人恶心的 The question is really difficult to understand. (普通) The quest
10、ion is really confusing 令人困惑的 这里列举一些常用的可以升级更新的词，供大家参考。如：词意 旧词 新词 词意 旧词 新词名声 fame reputation 困难的 difficult challenging机会 chance opportunity 传统的 traditional conventional忍受 stand tolerate /endure 不好的 bad unfavorable3拥有 own possess 显然的 obvious evident/apparent采用，采取use adopt 适当的 proper appropriate感激 than
11、k appreciate 严重的 serious severe同意 agree with subscribe to 有帮助的 helpful beneficial激励 encourage motivate 惊人的,非凡的 surprising extraordinary/amazing走完(路) ，读完(书)walk/read cover 非常地，极度地，拼命地very/hard extremely/desperately2. 短语优先原则 使用短语有两个好处：好处之一就是短语会使文章增加亮点。如果阅卷老师看到的作文都是一个一个的单词，必然会低看一等。相反，如果发现精彩的短语，那么定会给高分。
12、所以在平时的练习中，我们要引导学生进行短语替换练习来扩散学生的思维。 如：学生作文中出现的句子 When he was a child，he wanted to learn everything.就很普通，如换成 When he was a child，he had a strong appetite fo r knowledge.就有了亮点。再看:他只好自己解决所有的问题。 He had to face all the possible difficulties. He had to cope with all the possible difficulties; cope with 应付，
13、处理，比一个 face 要好。Your efforts will be very important. Your efforts will make a great difference .你的努力很重要。Our school lies in the east of the city. Our school is located in the east of the city. be located in 位于，坐落在I thanked him a lot for his help. I was grateful to him for his help. be grateful to sb f
14、or sth 感谢某人再来欣赏几个句子：I read all the books I could find that threw light upon these matters. 我读了所有我能找到的解释这些问题的书。 The boy threw/ cast an angry look at me. 那个男孩生气地瞪了我一眼。The scenery on the top of the mountain held me entirely in its power. 山上的风景让我着迷。Her words lighted me up, making me aware that honesty w
15、as far more important than a broken vase. 他的话让我恍然大悟，明白了诚实比破了的花瓶重要的多。这样的语句出现在作文中，就增色不少了。好处之二、使用短语可增加文章的长度。很多基础薄弱的同学写作时往往无话可说，简单几句就完了，字数不达标。用短语可以达到凑字数的目的。 如我想要它。基础薄弱的就会写 I want it. I am looking forward to it / I am dying for it./ I am longing for it./I am greedy for it . 4我不能忍受 I cannot bear it. I can
16、not put up with it . 我有一个好主意 I suddenly had a good idea. I came up with a good idea./ All of a sudden a good idea occurred to me./A good idea came upon me. 下面列举一些常用的可以替换的短语，供大家参考。cause -result in/lead to/bring about knowhave a good command ofvisitpay a visit to , use make use of/ take advantage of ,
17、 like have a preference for ,enjoy be fond of/ be keen on/keep sb spellbound end/stop come to an end/stop understand-have a good understanding of /make sense of /get the hang of be found-come to light 在平时的教学中，要引导学生们多积累短语和一些固定的习语。如：重视 attach great importance to 一定 be bound to do 很多 a variety of/varie
18、ties of 便利使用 have easy/free access to sth 陪伴某人 keep sb company越来越多的人 an increasing number of people 习惯于 be used to doing /be accustomed to doing3. 多实少虚原则 作文中要指导学会准确地使用生动、形象、具体的词汇，换掉那些表意不明确的虚泛的词，这样就能更加打动阅卷老师。一个词的内涵越具体，那么恰当地使用在特定的场合，就会收到意想不到的效果。如描述一个人用 a nice man 就很笼统、空泛，如果是用有内涵的词，如 generous 慷慨的, humo
19、rous 幽默的,kind-hearted 善良的，warm-hearted（热心的）， hospitable 好客的，gentle（文雅的）， optimistic（乐观的），easy-going（随和的），spirited（英勇的），cultivated （有教养的），manly（有男子气概的），knowledgeable（知识渊博的） ,cautious(谨慎的) 等，那表达的效果就完全不一样了。试比较：He is a nice student.(空泛) He is an easy-going and optimistic student.他是性格开朗，乐观的学生。如走出房间，一般就会说
20、：walk out of the room但是小偷走出房间：slip out of the room小姐走出房间:sail out of the room 小孩走出房间 :dance out of the room老人走出房间：stagger out of the room再如“叫”有狠多不同的内涵， cry 哭叫 call 呼叫 shout 大喊大叫 scream 尖叫 moan 呻吟 sigh 叹气 quarrel 大吵 “看”有 look 看的动作/ see 看的结果; watch 观察/observe 为了研究进行的观察; notice 注意 catch sight of 看见/ st
21、are 好奇地看/ glare 瞪着看 glance 瞅见/glimpse 瞥见 witness 目睹，见证 养成好习惯 form/ develop/cultivate/a good habit of 养成坏习惯 就用 get into/slide into a bad habit of 在平时的作文训练中，要有意识地训练他们的用词能力。54. 灵活多变原则 要使作文出彩，语言生动，富有表现力，有力的一招就是词汇的灵活多变和词性转换。在同一句话中，要求学生尽量不要使用相同的单词或短语以避免词汇的单一性。如：The interesting teacher knows how to make an
22、 interesting class.在这个句子中两次出现 interesting,就显得死板，而 The humorous teacher knows how to make his class vivid 则能让阅卷老师眼前一亮。选修 6 第一单元课文中 The main aim of painters ,who were not interested in showing nature and people, was to present religious themes. 呈现就用了 show 和 present.The text is so difficult that I cant
23、 understand it. The text is so difficult that I cant make sense of it. /The text is so difficult that I cant figure it out. 下面列举一些常用的可灵活变化使用的词汇，供大家参考。意义 常用词 替换词决定, 决心 decision determination, resolve目标, 理想 aim goal, target, dream专心做, 忙于做be busy doingbe devoted to doing sth, be occupied in doing sth,
24、be engaged in doing sth, be addicted to doing, focus on, concentrate on, be fixed on/upon sth, be absorbed in doing支持，赞成 support approve of，in favor of，uphold，stand by ones side，agree with实现, 完成 finish achieve, accomplish, fulfill, complete解释 explain account for, illustrate, clarify证明, 证实 prove test
25、ify, confirm, verify, turn out（to be） 需要 need call for, require, demand涌入 come into flood into, overflow into, crowd into易于, 倾向于 be possible tend to, be likely to有助于 be helpful to contribute to, make a contribution to, make for漂亮的 beautiful appealing, attractive, inviting, charming, fascinating 沮丧,
26、失意的 sad frustrated, discouraged, depressed, down-hearted优秀的 good outstanding, perfect, brilliant, remarkable, distinguished, 6excellent次要的 lower inferior, junior, minor, secondary, lesser, insignificant事实上 in fact in reality, in effect, as a matter of fact, practically, virtually, actually 另外，词性转换也是
27、作文中最常用的的方法之一。巧妙的转换词性可使语言达到言简意赅，精确到位，生动形象和妙趣横生的效果。如：我吃得不多。I dont eat much. 这个很俗。但 I am a light eater.更为形象。类似的如 a heavy smoker/drinker 再看课文中的句子 delight 的用法 Her first delight was going to the Tower. Nursery rhymes delight small children.The museum displays more than just the visual delights of art. 分别用
28、了其名词和动词词性。再来看几组词性转换的例子useful /important/ valuable/ helpful be of great/some use/ importance/ value/help， make a choice/suggestion/description/decision/attemptincrease steadily -experience a steady increase 平稳地增加decrease sharply -undergo a sharp decrease 大减Life is full of ups and downs.人生充满盛衰荣辱。Warm
29、clothes are a must in the mountain.到山区去穿暖和的衣服是必须的。The whole society is dedicated to furthering the structural reform.整个社会致力于深化体制改革。The government has taken some measures to better the life of the people.政府采取措施改善人民的生活水平。5. 约定俗成原则 作文中的用词要符合英语习惯，避免汉语思维的影响，有些搭配已约定俗成，不能随意打乱其搭配习惯，否则会显得生硬或词不达意。如“学到知识”，英语不说
30、“learn knowledge”，而说 acquire knowledge （获得知识）。“让某人做某事” 学生只会用 let sb do sth, 英语中可说 allow sb to do, “不让某人做某事” 可用 prevent /keep/stop sb from doing sth，类似的有发表演说 deliver/make a speech 做实验 make/conduct/carry out/perform an experiment取得成就 make achievements 获得成功 achieve success 获得声誉 gain reputation，达到目的 att
31、ain ones aim 满足需求 satisfy/ meet the needs of面临新的机遇和挑战 be faced with new opportunities and challenges/meet the challenge of 引起了广泛的公众关注 arouse wide public concern/ draw public attention开阔眼界 widen ones horizon/ broaden ones vision 从另一个角度 from another perspective为社会做贡献 make contributions to the society
32、缓解压力/ 减轻负担 relieve stress/ burden7打下坚实的基础 lay a solid foundation for 社会进步的反映 mirror of social progress 环保（的） environmental protection / environmentally friendly 交流思想/ 情感/ 信息 exchange ideas/ emotions/ information跟上最新发展 keep pace with / catch up with the latest development of 采取有效措施 take effective mea
33、sures to do sth 提供就业机会 offer job opportunities 增进相互了解 enhance/ promote mutual understanding承受更大的工作压力 suffer from heavier work pressure保障社会的稳定和繁荣 guarantee the stability and prosperity of our society适应社会发展 adapt oneself to the development of society实现梦想 realize ones dream/ make ones dream come true我们
34、还有很长的路要走/我们还有很大的差距 We still have a long way to go我们要引导学生在平时的学习中，多积累这些表达法。这样会使我们的作文更加地道和准确。2组句 通顺达意的句子是一篇好文章的基础。语法结构完整、无误不是好句子的唯一衡量标准，真正的好意群应该是长短句结合，简单句与复合句结合。都是短句的作文肯定是不行的，那显得水平稚嫩；都是长句的作文又显得繁琐冗长。只有长短句错落有致的搭配、简单句、并列句与复合句并用，才能使文章行文流畅，给句子增添了节奏和韵律感，彰显考生扎实的语言功底。下面我们将从两个方面来谈如何组句。1.使用高级的语法结构及修辞手法，保证句式多样性。1
35、）学用双重否定 双重否定是作文中一大亮点，是很重要且容易的修辞手法。对于考生来说，只要稍加注意，就可以在文中设计出双重否定的句子。如要表达“同学们每天准时上学”，学生们往往会写成 The students come to school on time every day.这种表达就很平淡，但 The students never fail to come to school on time every day.“never, fail”两个词构成的双重否定就变成了亮点，起到了很好的强调作用. 我们再来一起欣赏下面的几个句子：Nothing succeeds without confidence
36、.Life can never be so favoring that obstacles and disappointment seldom appear.A piece of memory, which has always kept me convinced of how much honesty counts, never fades away.A grass cant grow up without the winds attraction; a man cant grow up without the barriers on our way.2) 活用倒装结构 倒装结构是阅卷老师比
37、较喜欢看到的又一高级语法，也是简单易行的使句子呈现“亮点” 的方法之一。学生们运用高中阶段学习的几种倒装形式，足以提升习作8档次。A.否定词开头: 如果要表达的句子中有否定词，我们可以尝试用否定词开头。如 I will never give up working hard.这种表达非常普通， 而我们将 never 提至句首写成 Never will I give up working hard. 就显得高级一些。其他的否定词如 not, seldom, hardly.when., no sooner.than., not until 等开头的句子都能起到很好的强调作用。我们来欣赏下面的一组句子
38、：如:1) Not a single word did he say.2) Seldom did I feel so relaxed with myself.3) Hardly had I had spare time when I began to do sports to build up my health. 4) Not until I experienced it did I realize the significance of cooperation.5) Not only do we need strong will to persist but also the wisdom
39、 to make changes.6) In no way should we give up the hope of life. 7) On no account will we guarantee a brilliant future unless we are honest.这些表达都是在我们湖北话题作文的叙事中非常有效且高级的表达方式。B.Only+副词/介词短语 从句放句首: 在作文最后一段总结陈词时用上这个结构，能起到画龙点睛的作用。如 In this way, I can improve my English. Only in this way can I improve my
40、English. 后者与前者的强调效果是大相径庭的。下面的一组句子是从我们学生的习作中挑出来的一些运用了此类倒装的句子，跟大家分享一下：Only with our joint effort can we make the earth a harmonious place to live.Only then did I realize how much my life was connected with my devotion to volunteering work.Only if we struggle for our goals can we have a brighter future
41、.Only when we are equipped with determination and perseverance can we have access to success.C 名词 /形容词/副词+as+ 主语 +动词：这一结构我们主要可以在叙事段落使用，也可作为however 引导的让步状语从句的替换。 如 Child as he was, he knew much about the world around him. Prosperous as our country is, it is still faced with many problems. Frustrated
42、as I felt , I intended to hold on to my ambition.Disabled as she is, the girl never loses heart, believing that her dream will come true one day. Hard as I tried, I couldnt get anywhere.这些都是很好的典型。D SoSuch.that.引导的结果状语从句，将 so/such 部分置于句首。如：The book was interesting and I read it again and again. 非常平淡。
43、而通过使用 SoSuch.that.引导的结果状语从句改写成:1) This book was so interesting that I read it again and again.92) This was such an interesting book that I read it again and again.3) This was so interesting a book that I read it again and again.效果就不一样了。如果我们再将 so/such 部分置于句首，改写成 So interesting was this book that I re
44、ad it again and again.效果就更好了，因为它还使用了倒装。再如： So desperate did I feel that I turned to my teacher for help. Such great progress did I make that I felt grateful for what I chose.都是很棒的表达。3)多用被动语态 被动语态的使用在英语中很普遍。因为英语是一门客观的语言，而汉语是主观的语言，具体体现在：英语中经常用被动语态，用物称或形式主语开头，强调一件事发生在什么人身上；汉语则经常用主动语态，用人称开头强调一个人发生了什么事。所
45、以使用被动语态符合英语的习惯。因此在作文中要学会多用被动语态结构。下面来看几个学生作文中出现的使用被动语态的句子The opinion can be demonstrated with the example of my own.用我自己的例子来陈述这个观点。To sum up, we are not assessed by one glory or failure.总之不能用一次光荣或失败来评价我们。Effective measures should be taken to stop pollution.Success will be gained after times of failur
46、e as long as we are good at drawing lessons from failures or mistakes and stick to what we are doing. 只要我们善于从失败或错误中吸取教训，坚持我们所做的事情，那么多次失败后一定会成功。还有一组比较典型的被动，那就是表示“说，相信，认为”的结构。汉语习惯用“人们，大家，我们，他们”等开头，这些表泛指的对象在英语中没有实际意义，英语直接用 It is said/believed /considered/thought/acknowledged that . 如果把真正的对象置于句首的话，后面用不定
47、式结构形式，但前面还是用被动结构。Its generally/universally acknowledged that determination and perseverance are what it takes to overcome all the difficulties。大家公认，决心和毅力是克服困难所必须的。It is believed that books can introduce us to different kinds of knowledge.人们相信书能给我们带来各种知识。Books are believed to introduce us to differen
48、t kinds of knowledge.As has been known to all , students nowadays are flooded with numerous homework.众所周知，现在的学生有堆积如山的作业。另外英语中有很多类似于被动结构的系表结构短语要让学生习惯使用。如 be supposed to do, be scheduled to do ,be designed to do , be equipped with, be exposed to sth 4) 会用分词结构 在所有的高级语法中，阅卷老师最欣赏的是独立主格和分词结构。因为这个既是高中阶段学习的
49、重点，也是难点。如果能熟练地运用好分词结构和独立主格，10就说明这个学生具备了很高的水平。其实要用好分词结构并不难。几乎所有的状语从句都可以变成独立主格或分词结构。如果主从句的主语一致，我们可以省略连词和主语，将谓语部分变成分词结构。如果主语与动词之间是主谓关系就用现在分词；如果是动宾关系，就用过去分词；如果主从句的主语不一致，就保留主语，分词的变化直接看谓语动词与从句的主语构成的逻辑关系，这样就成了独立主格。With 复合结构就相当于独立结构前多了 with。如：Because I expect to be admitted into a key university, I am aware of the importance of studying English. 改写成：Expecting to be admitted into a key university, I am aware of the importance of study
