1、DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03.17 - DRESS BIG(formatted by Amanda)OUTSIDE SUSANS HOUSESusan and Ian are standing outside Susans house. Susan is holding a single red rose.Susan: “God, Im so nervous.“Ian: “Dont be. Theyre going to adore you as much as I do.“Susan: “Oh, thanks. I needed to hear to that.“She
2、 throws her arms around him to hug him. The rose stem brushes against Ians neck.Ian: “Darling. thorns.“Susan: “Im so sorry.“Mary Alice: “If there was one thing Ian Hainsworth was sure of, it was that his love for Susan Mayer was indestructible. He knew this because it had been tested again.and again
3、.and again. Still, Ian had found a way to forgive Susan her.occasional lack of grace.“A black car drives down the street.Susan: “Here they come.“Mary Alice: “The question now on his mind was, would his parents be able to do the same?“Ians parents get out of the car. Ian hugs them.Ian: “Father.“Graha
4、m: “My dear boy.“Ian: “This is my fiance Susan. These are my parents, Graham and Dahlia.“Dahlia: “Delighted.“Graham: “You werent exaggerating. Shes a vision, Ian.“Susan: “Its so great to finally meet both of you. Oh, this is for you.“Ian: “Be careful, mother! Thorns.“Dahlia: “Ian, I know how to hold
5、 a rose.“Ian: “Yes, of course. I just didnt want Susan to.youre right. Sorry.“Susan: “Anyone hungry?“Ian: “Yes.“Later, the four of them are in Susans back yard, where shes pouring charcoal into a barbeque.Graham: “So, one puts the meat atop the burning coals. How wonderfully primal.“Dahlia: “Yes, Il
6、l feel like some gloriously rough-hewn cowgirl enjoying her.uh, whats the word?“Graham: “Vittles?“Dahlia: “No, that cant be right.“Susan: “No, it is. Its vittles. So, can I get you something to drink?“Dahlia: “Id adore just a thimble of gin.“Susan starts to put down the charcoal.Ian: “Oh, no, you st
7、ay, darling. I can manage.“Ian and Graham go inside the house.Ian: “Well, it seems to be going rather well.touch wood.“Graham: “Were you worried?“Ian: “Oh, you know, introducing ones fiance to ones parents is always a bit fraught.“Graham: “Oh, well, you dont have to tell me. The first time I met Dah
8、lias parents was a complete disaster.“Behind the men, in the backyard, Susan lights the barbeque on fire and Dahlia, who was standing too close, suddenly gets her arm set on fire. Susan tosses some water on her, then, when that doesnt put out the flames, grabs a tablecloth and wraps it around Dahlia
9、.Graham: “We were at tea, and there was this plate of small cakes. And as I offered one to her mother, I tipped the plate, and plop! A scone fell right into her ladyships teacup. Earl grey everywhere! On the cloth, her mothers skirt.“Ian: “You must have been mortified.“Graham: “I was. It was an abso
10、lute debacle.“Dahlia and Susan come inside. Dahlias entire right side has soot on it and her sleeve has been burned away.Susan: “Um, guys? Dont worry. Shes all right.“Mary Alice: “Yes, Ian Hainsworth knew his love for Susan was indestructible. Unfortunately for his mother, chiffon was not.“OPENING C
11、REDITSMary Alice: “In every housewifes closet, theres a treasured article of clothing that she refuses to part with. It might be an old cheerleader uniform that symbolizes her youth. Or the last bikini she wore before she had children. Or a pair of expensive pants she prays will come back in style.
12、But for Gabrielle Solis, every piece of clothing was a treasure. Carefully selected, beautifully maintained, and utterly.irreplaceable.“In Gabrielles closet, a small water leak drips onto some of the clothes. Suddenly, the entire ceiling above the closet caves in, drenching everything in water.OUTSI
13、DE GABRIELLES HOUSEGabrielle and Edie remove shopping bags from Gabrielles trunk.Gabrielle: “I cant believe you bought another bustier.“Edie: “I know. I should never shop for lingerie when Im horny. Its like buying groceries when youre hungry.“Gabrielle: “In a slump, huh? How longs it been?“Edie: “A
14、bout three weeks, and I am dying. You know, Im this close to seducing my gardener.“Gabrielle: “Been there, done that.“Edie: “Mmm, that scrumptious teenager of yours. Hey, do you think.“Gabrielle: “Hes married.“Edie: “Damn. How about that Victor Lang? Have you two.“Gabrielle: “No. God, no. As a matte
15、r of fact, I think Im dumping him after dinner tonight.“Edie: “Why? Hes rich. Hes gorgeous. Hes probably gonna be mayor. I mean, what more do you want?“Gabrielle: “I dont know. Hes just too arrogant. He acts like Im some trophy hes already won. Its infuriating.“Edie: “Yeah, thats awful. Can I do him
16、?“Gabrielle: “Oh, stop it. You cannot be that hard up.“Edie: “Did I mention my gardeners sixty-two?“They enter Gabrielles house. A small water leak is dripping from the ceiling onto the carpet in the front of the house.Gabrielle: “What the hell is this?“Gabrielle runs upstairs and sees the mess that
17、 used to be her closet.Gabrielle: “Oh, my God!“Downstairs, Edie reapplies her lipstick.Gabrielle: “No!“SCAVO RESTAURANTLynette enters the restaurant and says hi to the employees she passes by. Shes the only employee not wearing an orange work t-shirt.Tom: “Honey? Wheres your uniform?“Lynette: “Oh, c
18、rap. I left it at home again.“Tom: “Yeah, um, I figured you would.again. Thats why. I pulled an extra one from the back.“Lynette: “Thanks. Are you sure its the right.“Tom: “Yep, your size.“Lynette: “Listen.I was thinking, wouldnt it be better if the staff wore a uniform, and you and I wore regular c
19、lothes? That way its like, “Hi. Welcome to Scavos. Were the Scavos.“Tom: “Yeah, but I like wearing the uniform, and when you dont, Ii looks like we all work for you.“Lynette: “Oh, good point. Okay, heres another good point: I hate orange.“Tom: “Since when?“Lynette: “Since always. You know my closet.
20、 Surely youve noticed I dont own anything orange.“Tom: “No, I hadnt really.“Lynette: “Orange says, “Beware. Something bads gonna happen.“ Thats why they use it for life vests and traffic cones and convicts. Also, it washes me out completely.“Tom: “Youre wearing the uniform.“Lynette: “Are you speakin
21、g as my husband or as my boss?“Tom: “Definitely your boss. Your husband.too damn scared of you.“He walks away.Lynette: “As well he should be.“WISTERIA LANEEdie walks slowly down the block to her house.Mary Alice: “As Edie walked home, all she could think of was her nonexistent love life.“As she appr
22、oaches her house, she sees her son and Carlos playing basketball.Travers: “Pass it to me, Carlos!“Mary Alice: “And how much she wanted back in the game.“Carlos removes his shirt to wipe the sweat from his body.Mary Alice: “It was just then she saw someone she might like to play with.“Edie: “Hi!“Carl
23、os: “Hey. Did you see that, Edie? Kids looking good, huh?“Edie: “Looking real good.“Travers: “Can we play another game?“Edie: “No, its lunchtime. You go wash up.“Travers: “Bye, Carlos.“Carlos: “Bye.“Edie: “Oh, you have been so great with Travers. Let me take you out for steak tonight.“Carlos: “You d
24、ont have to pay me back. Im having more fun than he is.“Edie: “Well, then.well just have to arrange for another playdate.“Carlos: “Anytime.“SUSANS HOUSEDahlia comes to the table where Graham, Ian, and Susan are getting ready to eat Chinese take-out.Graham: “Look whos back.“Dahlia: “Yes. Lets try thi
25、s again, shall we?“Susan: “Dahlia, I am so sorry about the.“Dahlia: “Please, not another word. Chiffon at a barbecue? I was asking to be immolated.“Ian: “A drink with dinner, mother?“Dahlia: “Oh, God, yes.“She starts to sit down.Susan: “Oh, not that chair. Thats the wobbler. Im saving up for a new s
26、et. Here, sit here.“Dahlia: “Ian tells us you have a young daughter. Wont she be joining us?“Susan: “Julie? No, shes at her fathers this weekend. Is something wrong?“Dahlia: “Its just that Ian told us that your husband had been gone for years. We assumed you were a widow.“Susan: “No, Karls alive and
27、 kicking, sadly.“Dahlia: “So youre a. divorce? What happened? Did he beat you?“Susan: “No. Of course not.“Ian: “She had ample grounds, mother. Karl was a shameless womanizer.“Dahlia: “So it was just adultery.“Susan: “Just adultery?“Dahlia: “To my way of thinking, men are, by nature, weak. I think Gr
28、aham will back me up on that.“Graham: “Really, Dahlia.“Dahlia: “If you want your marriage to last.when your husband strays, you extract some suitable penance. and get on with it. Punish the sin, but love the sinner.“Susan: “Yeah, well, with Karl, I was more, “Divorce the ass and seize the assets.“ S
29、o you better watch out. Betrayal makes me vengeful.“Ian: “Well, thats good to know.“Dahlia: “Yes, it certainly is.“VICTORS HOUSEVictor and Gabrielle are seated outside his house, eating dinner by candlelight.Gabrielle: “Apparently, the water heater in the attic had burst. Everything is ruined. My cl
30、othes, my shoes, dresses. Why are you smiling?“Victor: “Well, we have different perspectives. You see ruined clothes, and I see a woman who could suddenly use a rich boyfriend.“Gabrielle: “You will never be my boyfriend.“Victor: “Gaby, how much longer are you gonna pretend youre not crazy about me?“
31、Gabrielle: “Not much longer. This is our last date.“Victor: “Didnt you say it was our last date on our last date?“Gabrielle: “I mean it this time.“Victor: “Yeah? Well, do me a favor, mean it next time. Im getting an award tomorrow at the rotary club.“Gabrielle: “Boring.“Victor: “Come on, I want my d
32、ate to be the most beautiful woman in the room.“Gabrielle: “Is that supposed to flatter me?“Victor: “Only if youve never seen the women of the rotary club.“Gabrielle: “Oh, shut up and get me a sweater. Have you even noticed how cold I am?“Victor: “Noticed? Its made my whole evening.“Gabrielle grabs
33、a napkin and covers her chest with it.Gabrielle: “Sweater, now.“Later, Gabrielle and Victor are inside his house. Victor goes to his walk-in closet while Gabrielle wanders over to the other walk-in closet, which is filled with beautiful womens clothing.Victor: “How about a nice cashmere cardigan?“Ga
34、brielle: “Oh, my God!“Victor: “What?“Gabrielle: “Look at this! Theres Lacroix and Ungaro and Vintage Gaultier.“Victor: “Yeah, I dont really know much about fashion.“Gabrielle: “Shh! They can hear you. Oh, my God! Theres another rack back here! This all your ex-wifes stuff?“Victor: “Yeah. Shes storin
35、g it here until her new house is ready.“Gabrielle: “Oh, my God! She wears my size! Its amazing. Nobody wears my size.“Victor: “Well, I guess I have a type.“Gabrielle: “And normally that would creep me out, except it means that I can borrow this one-of-a-kind Undari for our date!“Victor: “Heel, girl.
36、 This belongs to my ex.“Gabrielle: “So?“Victor: “I dont think shed appreciate me loaning her clothes to my girlfriend.“Gabrielle: “Okay, “a,“ Im not your girlfriend, and “b,“ shes not gonna find out unless you tell her. Come on! A dress this gorgeous is meant to be seen. Every day it hangs in the cl
37、oset, an angel loses its wings.“Victor: “Thats very cute, but the answers still no. Come on. Lets go. Gaby.“Gabrielle: “I just wanted a moment to say good-bye.“THERAPISTS OFFICEMike is lying on the couch talking to his therapist.Mike: “So in the next scene, the guy wakes up, and the girl, Julia Robe
38、rts, Sandra Bullock, one of those, is standing there holding a tray of pancakes.“Therapist: “What happens then?“Mike: “I keep telling you, I dont remember. Whats the difference? Its just some stupid movie I saw.“Therapist: “Yet every time you remember it, you feel sad or upset. I think something hap
39、pened at that movie or just afterwards. Who did you see it with?“Mike: “Well, its obviously some chick flick.so probably Susan.“Therapist: “Well, why not ask her about it? Maybe she can tell you what happened.“Mike: “No. No, I dont want to bother her. She just got engaged.“Therapist: “Mike, this the
40、rapy isnt just about recovering your memories. Its about you getting closure. Now the emotions youre feeling wont be resolved until you know what theyre about.“Mike: “I dont know.“Therapist: “Come on. Talk to Susan. What could it hurt?“MIKES HOUSECarlos is on the phone with Travers.Carlos: “Thats aw
41、esome. I love model airplanes.“Travers: “So youll help me put it together?“Carlos: “Sure. Ill see you tomorrow after school. Can you come at seven instead?“Travers: “Why so late?“Carlos: “Mom says I cant play till I finish my homework.“Travers: “Bye.“EDIES HOUSEEdie places a model airplane kit in fr
42、ont of Travers as he hangs up the phone.Travers: “Hes coming. So can I stay up and watch my show now?“Edie: “You can stay up as late as you want, champ. Tomorrow, you are going to have an early night.“SUSANS HOUSESusan and Ian are preparing coffee and dessert in the kitchen.Susan: “Your fathers been
43、 up there for twenty minutes. Are you sure hes okay?“Ian: “Hes fine. He always lies down after dinner. He says it helps his digestion. Relax. Its going very well.“Susan: “I set your mother on fire.“Ian: “And youve been relentlessly charming ever since. Trust me, when she looks back at tonight, she w
44、ont even remember the fire.“They walk through the double doors into the dining room. The door that Susan opened hits Dahlia and she falls onto her back, spilling her wine all over herself.Ian: “But she may remember this.“Susan: “Oh, my God! Im so sorry! Are you all right?“Dahlia: “Yes, Im perfectly
45、fine. At least this blouse made it through dinner.“Susan: “Let me get you a towel.“Susan walks into her bathroom to find Graham standing in front of her mirror, wearing Susans robe.Susan: “Hello!“Graham: “I hope you dont mind. Dahlia has a birthday coming up, and I saw this hanging there, and I thou
46、ght, “a robe! Well, theres a notion.“ So I just tried it on. To get a sense of the drape.“The robe opens slightly and Susan can see that hes wearing her bra as well.Susan: “Were you also thinking of getting her a lace bra?“Graham: “Oh, dear God! Please dont mention this to any of my family.“Susan: “
47、Just take the robe off. And whatever you have on underneath.consider that yours.“Downstairs, Ian and Dahlia are talking in the living room.Dahlia: “Be reasonable, dear. Im only trying to protect you.“Ian: “From Susan? Well, she doesnt care about my money. Shes never asked me for a cent.“Dahlia: “You
48、r logic is as wobbly as the dining room chairs she cant afford to replace.“Ian: “I love Susan, and I wont ask her to do this.“Susan walks in with some towels.Ian: “Oh, hello. Mothers fine. I found her a sweater.“Susan: “So, uh, what wont you ask me?“Ian: “Nothing.“Dahlia: “I was wondering if youd ob
49、ject to signing a document that says should you and Ian part ways, youll accept a cash settlement and not go after the money he inherits from us.“Susan: “You mean a prenup?“Dahlia: “Please try to understand. Our country estate has been in our family for generations. We want it preserved for the children we hope Ian will have, not lost in some pricey divorce.“Susan: “Well, whos getting divorc
