1、DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03. 19 - GOD, THATS GOOD(formatted by Amanda)Mary Alice: “It was late on a Tuesday night when the power went out all over Fairview. For most of the residents, it was a minor inconvenience. But for those with secrets, the darkness proved quite useful indeed. Millie Russell was
2、able to indulge in another night of midnight binging. Timmy Cooper was able to sneak another peek at his fathers adult magazines. Marilyn Quinn was able to steal a few more puffs of her forbidden tobacco. But these secrets paled compared to the one a certain old woman was hiding in her basement.“Mrs
3、. McCluskey walks down the steps of her basement while talking on her portable phone.Mrs. McCluskey: “You sit tight, Ida. I got batteries here. No, I keep them in the freezer for just such an emergency.She opens her freezer to take out the batteries. Her frozen dead husband is still there.Mrs. McClu
4、skey: “Ill run em over to you. By the way, you wouldnt happen to have any extra ice laying around, would ya? No, Ive just got some stuff in my freezer I dont want thawing out anytime soon.“Mary Alice: “Yes, as a rule, darkness helps us keep our secrets safely hidden.“Mrs. McCluskey stumbles and fall
5、s down the stairs.Mrs. McCluskey: “Oh, crap! “Mary Alice: “But every rule. . .“The fallen phone lies near Mrs. McCluskeys unconscious body. Idas voice comes through the speaker.Ida: “Karen, whats happened? Are you okay?“Mary Alice: “.has its exceptions.“OPENING CREDITSMary Alice: “When the lights we
6、nt out on Wisteria Lane, Karen McCluskey wasnt the only resident left in the dark. Everyone else felt the pain of going without power as well.“SUSANS HOUSESusan is rooting through her kitchen drawers. Ian is sitting at the table.Susan: “Ow! Damn! Thumbtack! “Ian: “Susan, please let me help.“Susan: “
7、No, no, I got it. Oh, wait. Here we go.“She finds a box of matches and lights one, using its light to help her continue to search through the drawers.Ian: “But its hardly a long-term solution.“Susan: “Well, at least itll keep me from stabbing myself while I look.“Ian: “But this is silly. Why dont we
8、 just borrow a flashlight from Mike?“Susan: “Mike?“Ian: “Hes a plumber. Hes bound to have a spare.“Susan: “Sure, but we cant keep leaning on him for everything.“Mike, were drowning. Save us.“ “Mike, its dark. Give us a flashlight.“ Lets go ask Gaby.“Ian: “Actually, I wanted to talk to him anyway. I
9、thought we might ask him over for dinner.“Susan: “Dinner?“Ian: “You know, as a, as a thank you gesture.“Susan: “Well, Ian, youve tasted my cooking. Its not a thank you. Its revenge.“Ian: “Well, then Ill cook. You know, you told me I should put my jealousy behind me. I think breaking bread together w
10、ould be a great start.“Susan: “Well, lets not bother him tonight. You know, I dont really even need a flashlight. My eyes have totally adjusted to the dark.“She moves her arm and knocks over something made of glass, which crashes onto the floor.Ian: “What was that?“Susan: “Dont walk in the kitchen.
11、Anyway, where is your sense of romance? Its a blackout. You have a defenseless lady. Getting any ideas?“Ian: “Well, I-I-Im starting to, yes. Its funny. All that time I wasted worrying Mike would come between us-it seems so laughable now, doesnt it?“Susan: “Kiss me.“MIKES HOUSEMike walks down the hal
12、lway to where Carlos sleeps.Hey, Carlos, we had a blackout. You need a flashlight? Carlos, you okay?He opens up Carloss door. Carlos is sitting up in bed, naked from the waist down, the covers pulled up over his waist. Edie stands in her lingerie, hiding behind the door that Mike has open.Mike: “Oh,
13、 uh, sorry, man. I thought I heard a thud.“Carlos: “I just, um, bumped into a chair. I didnt think that you were coming home till tomorrow.“Mike: “Nah, fish werent bitin. So, uh.you got a girl in here?“Carlos: “No. Why?“Mike: “Oh, cause when I came home, I thought I heard sex noises.“Carlos: “No, th
14、at was just me.“Mike: “Okay. Night.“He leaves. Edie walks toward Carlos.Carlos: “Oh, god, that was close.“Edie: “All this sneaking around is ridiculous! Mike and I dated for five minutes. Hes not gonna care.“Carlos: “What if Travers finds out? Look, I dont want him to be confused, and until we figur
15、e out where this is going, I just think we should keep things on the down low.“Edie starts getting dressed.Carlos: “Hey, I didnt say we had to stop. I just said we had to keep quiet. What?“Edie: “I suppose we should tiptoe around like schoolchildren so our parents dont catch us doing it? I feel like
16、 Im twelve again.“Carlos: “Im just saying, I dont think that the whole world needs to know our.twelve?“Edie: “Okay, look.I will find us another place to rendezvous. But Im not gonna skulk around forever.“Carlos: “And no ones asking you to. I respect you too much for that.“Edie starts to go out the d
17、oor. Carlos stops her and gestures toward the window.Carlos: “If you dont mind. . .“Edie: “Oh, for god sake. . .“She climbs out the window.SCAVO RESTAURANTLynette lights a candle and sets it down at one of the tables with two customers.Lynette: “Im gonna be right there. Here you go.“Male Customer: “
18、So can you still cook with the power out?“Lynette: “Of course! Absolutely! “She heads back to the kitchen, where Rick is.Lynette: “Please, please, tell me we can still make pizza.“Rick: “No dice. Some genius installed pizza ovens with electric starters.“Lynette: “Oh, this is awful. On a good night,
19、we barely break even. Tonight is gonna kill the whole week.“Rick: “Not necessarily. The stovetops gas. I bought pasta for the staff dinner. You give me ten minutes, Ill whip up a spaghetti carbonara thatll knock their socks off.“Lynette: “Oh, my god! You are a lifesaver! “Rick: “And, uh, since its n
20、ot on the menu, you can charge whatever you want-say, twenty bucks?“Lynette: “For pasta? Are you crazy?“Rick: “Wont hurt to ask.“Lynette: “Oh, I dont wanna scare them away.“Rick: “Okay.“Lynette: “Okay.“Lynette heads back over to the couple at the table.Lynette: “So.good news! Our chef is preparing h
21、is special spaghetti carbonara.“Female Customer: “Ooh, yummy! “Lynette: “And were offering that for twelve dollars.“Male Customer: “Great! “Lynette: “For the appetizer portion. The entre is twenty.“Male Customer: “Fine.“Lynette: “Two. Twenty-two. Two.“Male Customer: “Okay.“ELEVATORGabrielle and Vict
22、or are stuck in an elevator in complete darkness.Gabrielle: “Shouldnt there be an emergency light? Sometimes in these elevators theres a. . .“Victor: “Ta-da! “Victor opens a small door in the elevator and a strong light from inside comes on.Gabrielle: “Well, arent you clever?“Victor: “Ill just call
23、hotel security and let em know were-“Gabrielle: “No, wait! This is the first time Ive had you to myself all night.“Victor: “Im sorry. Its those fund-raisers. Everybody wants a piece of the candidate. What are you doing?“Gabrielle: “Taking my piece.“She begins undressing him.Victor: “Are you insane?
24、Were in an elevator.“Gabrielle: “Exactly. Going down. . .“Victor: “No! Come on. Cut it out. The power could come on at any moment.“Gabrielle: “I know. Thats what makes it so exciting-the risk.“Victor: “But, uh, I-Im kind of running for mayor here, remember?“Gabrielle: “Its an elevator, silly. It has
25、 an emergency stop button. I dont.“She closes the door of the light and the elevator plunges back into darkness.Gabrielle: “Oh, my god, thats amazing! What are you doing?“Victor: “Thats my phone. Its on vibrate.“Gabrielle: “Oh, god! “The power suddenly comes back on revealing Victor and Gabrielle in
26、 a compromising position, clothes half off.Gabrielle: “Oh, man, I was just starting to get into it.“Victor: “Less talking, more dressing.“A few minutes later, their elevator door opens and two firefighters are standing there.Firefighter: “You two okay?“Victor: “Yeah, fine, thanks.“Firefighter: “Must
27、ve gotten pretty hot in there.“Gabrielle: “You have no idea.“Victor and Gabrielle leave and the firefighters get on the elevator. In the corner ceiling of the elevator, a security cameras red light silently blinks, indicating its recording.OUTSIDE MRS. MCCLUSKEYS HOUSEMrs. McCluskey is on a stretche
28、r, being wheeled down the sidewalk by paramedics.Ida: “Karen, dont worry about a thing. Ill collect your mail till you get back.“Mrs. McCluskey: “Well, how longs this blackout supposed to last?“Ida: “Well, they say it may last for days.“Mrs. McCluskey: “Days?! Uh.hey, blondie, come here. Come here.“
29、A paramedic comes over.Mrs. McCluskey: “Hey, listen, I dont really need to go to the hospital. Im fine.“Paramedic: “You fractured a rib, and you might have a concussion. You need looking after.“Mrs. McCluskey: “No, some of the stuff in my freezer might melt. How about I just run out and get some ice
30、 and then meet you at the hospital?“Paramedic: “Maam, you can replace groceries.“Mrs. McCluskey: “You dont understand. Some of my groceries- they- they have sentimental value.“Paramedic: “Sorry.“Mrs. McCluskey: “Yeah, well, I dont need to ask your permission.“She starts to get up and the paramedic p
31、ushes her back down.Paramedic: “Maam, no! “Mrs. McCluskey: “Get your hands off me, you big ape! “Paramedic: “Get the restraints.“Mrs. McCluskey: “Im gonna sue your ass! “The power suddenly comes back on. Mrs. McCluskey stops struggling.Mrs. McCluskey: “Hey! Well, what are we waiting for? Get me to t
32、he hospital. Im not a well woman.“The paramedic walks over to where Ida is standing.Ida: “What was that all about?“Paramedic: “Your friends afraid the stuff in her freezer is gonna spoil.“Ida: “Oh, well, thank god the powers back on. Now she wont have to worry.“In Mrs. McCluskeys basement, a fuse bl
33、ows and the freezer suddenly loses power again.VICTORS HOUSEVictor is reading the newspaper at breakfast. Gabrielle walks in carrying two plates of waffles.Gabrielle: “I made you waffles! Eat em while theyre hot. What?“Victor: “Will you marry me?“Gabrielle: “Theyre just toaster waffles.“Victor: “Ah,
34、 that was just the pre-proposal, actually. The real one will be much more romantic with a big diamond the size of a doorknob. But just so youre prepared, I do wanna marry you.“Gabrielle: “Well, just so youre prepared, consider this my pre-refusal.“Victor: “Come on. Whats wrong? Youre wearing my shir
35、ts. You burn my breakfast. Youre here every night. Its like were married already.“Gabrielle: “Were having a good time. Why risk ruining it?“Victor: “See, what happened to the thrill seeker that seduced me in the elevator? She wouldnt be afraid of taking a little risk.“Gabrielle: “Oh, you dont wanna
36、marry her. Shes a tramp. Hold out for a good girl.“Victor: “No, no, no. Ive found what Im looking for. Come on. What gives?“Gabrielle: “Look, Victor.getting divorced really kicked my ass. Im sorry. Just.next time I get married, Ive gotta be sure.“Victor: “Okay, I get it. I just wish there was a way
37、I could prove how much I love and adore you.“Gabrielle: “Well, if you can choke down that lousy waffle I made you, thatd be a start.“He folds the waffle in half, then starts stuffing it in his mouth. Gabrielle laughs.OUTSIDE SUSANS HOUSEIan and Susan are taking groceries out of her car. Ian looks ac
38、ross the street to where Mike is watering his front yard with a hose.Ian: “Oh, theres Mike. Should we see if hes free Friday night?“Susan: “Yeah. Yeah, why not? Sure. You know what? Do you wanna run this ice cream side before it melts?“Ian takes the bag Susan gives him and goes inside. Susan runs ov
39、er to Mikes.Susan: “Look, Ian is going to come invite you to dinner friday, and you are not-I repeat-not going to accept.“Mike: “Why is Ian inviting me to dinner?“Susan: “He wants to thank you for saving us, and he wants to show that hes not jealous of you. Hows that for irony?“Mike: “I didnt plan t
40、o kiss you, but you didnt exactly resist.“Susan: “I was in shock.“Mike: “Why were you so upset when you mentioned Ian?“Susan: “Because we had just had a fight.about you.“Mike: “Really? You talk about me a lot?“Susan: “Mike, I am marrying Ian. We have hired a caterer. We are going with the salmon, so
41、 just back off! “Ian walks up to them.Mike: “Hey, Ian.“Susan: “Hi, Ian. I just asked Mike. He cant make it.“Mike: “Yeah, Im sorry. Ive got plans tonight.“Ian: “Oh, but didnt we say friday?“Mike: “Friday? Oh, Friday Im wide open.“Ian: “Splendid! Shall we say seven thirty?“Mike: “Its a date.“Ian and S
42、usan walk away. Susan turns around to glare at Mike, who waves and smiles at her.MRS. EPSTEINS HOUSECarlos and Edie walk up to Mrs. Epsteins house. She comes out the front door and hands Edie her keys.Mrs. Epstein: “Edie! “Edie: “Mrs. Epstein! “Mrs. Epstein: “Listen, Im late for my Hadassah meeting.
43、 Heres the key. Take your time. Oh, and dont be shy. Check out those closets. Theyre very spacious.“She leaves and Carlos and Edie go inside the house.Carlos: “Edie, what are we doing here?“Edie: “Checking out a house.“Carlos: “I told you, Im not looking to buy right now.“Edie: “Well, whos talking a
44、bout buying anything? I.am giving it away.“Carlos: “Edie, we cannot have sex in here. Its someone elses bed! Thats just wrong! “Edie: “Look, we cant use my place. We cant use yours. But Ill be damned if I am gonna pay for a hotel room when there are all of these empty houses all over town that I hav
45、e the keys to.“Mary Alice: “Though reluctant at first, Carlos soon saw the wisdom in Edies plan. Secret affairs are a lot like real estate. The three keys to success are location.location.location.“LYNETTES HOUSEThe kids are seated around the table and Lynette helps Tom sit down.Tom: “Careful. I can
46、t sit down that fast.“Lynette: “Sorry. Im sorry. But its gonna be worth it. Okay, so tell Tom the secret of your risotto.“Rick: “Well, I saute spinach and onions in white wine-“Lynette: “No, no, the profit margin.“Rick: “Uh, basically, it costs a dollar to make-“Lynette: “And we charge twenty dollar
47、s! Four people who wouldve shared a fifteen dollar pizza are now spending eighty bucks. Okay, kids, dig in! “Tom: “Theres just one little problem with that, Lynette.“Lynette: “Yeah?“Tom: “Those families youre talking about have kids, and theres no kid thats gonna eat anything with spinach in it.“Lyn
48、ette: “Um, Tom. . .“She gestures to the kids, who are eating the risotto.Lynette: “Its delicious, huh?“Kids: “Mm-hmm! Oh, yeah! “Lynette: “Yeah? Rick learned how to make this in italy. Go ahead. Try it. I wanna see what you think.“Tom: “Its good.“Porter: “Its awesome! “Tom: “Its good.“Lynette: “But?
49、“Tom: “But its just not us.“Lynette: “Us? What is us?“Tom: “Look, were a neighborhood pizza place. We serve pizza.“Porter: “I like this better. Im getting bored of pizza.“Tom: “Porter, the adults are talking. Look, we serve good food at good prices. Were not looking to be the next, you know, trendy flash in the pan.“Rick: “Thats-thats not what Im looking for either. Um, see, my food- its not trendy
