1、DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03.23 - GETTING MARRIED TODAY(formatted by Amanda)DRESSING ROOMGabrielle is getting dressed for her wedding with Susan and Lynette helping her.Mary Alice: “When Gabrielle Solis agreed to marry Victor Lang, she was determined to have a very traditional wedding. She was even mor
2、e determined to be a very traditional bride. To that end, the handkerchief in her cleavage was borrowed, the garter on her leg was blue, and the diamonds on her ears were old. But sadly for Gabrielle, something was missing, and she was about to throw a traditional fit.“Gabrielle: “It is after three
3、oclock! Where the hell is Bree with my something new?“Lynette: “I know her plane landed on time. Shell probably be here any second.“Gabrielle: “God, I should have my head examined for even agreeing to this. Who the hell cares about Swiss jewelry anyway?“Susan: “Gaby, Bree went out of her way to buy
4、you that bracelet.“Gabrielle: “And, of course, its the hottest day of the year. All the guests are out there sweating like pigs. God, at this rate, my receptions gonna look like the finish line of the Boston marathon.“Lynette: “If youre that freaked out, just get married without the bracelet.“Gabrie
5、lle: “Are you out of your mind? I cant get married without my something new.“Susan: “Oh, I have an idea. I just got a lipstick yesterday. You could wear that.“Gabrielle: “I just paid a makeup artist five hundred bucks to do my face. Do you really think I wanna march down the aisle looking like I jus
6、t ate a popsicle?“Susan: “Okay, its your big day, so Im gonna let that slide.“Gabrielle: “God, it is ten after, and Bree is never late! Where can she be? All right, thats it. After I finish “tszujing“ my hair, tell the preacher its showtime. I cant believe my weddings already ruined, and it hasnt ev
7、en started.“Gabrielle leaves.Lynette: “Hey, Im starting to get worried about Bree. Maybe we should call.“Susan: “Yeah. Im calling her cell. Its ringing.“Lynette: “Oh, good.“They hear a ringing phone in the room. They turn around and Bree is standing there.Lynette: “Bree!“Susan: “Oh, wow!“Bree: “Hell
8、o, ladies.“Gabrielle comes back into the room.Gabrielle: “Is that Bree? She better not have come empty-handed!“Bree: “Oh, I didnt.“Bree holds up a bracelet.Mary Alice: “As promised, Bree had arrived with something new.“Gabrielle: “Holy crap!“Mary Alice: “And she also.“Its revealed that Bree is pregn
9、ant.Mary Alice: “.brought the bracelet.“OPENING CREDITSThree Days EarlierFamily.there is nothing more important. Theyre the ones we want to laugh with during the good times.and the ones we need to console us during the bad. And even though the time comes when they have to leave us, their voices stil
10、l linger in our minds. And sometimes we cant help but listen.EDIES HOUSEEdie and Carlos are lying on the bed, passionately kissing. Next to the bed is Edies dead mother, knitting.Edies Mother: “A tangled web- thats what youre weaving.“Edie: “Beat it, mother.“Edies Mother: “You really think this litt
11、le scheme of yours is gonna work?“Edie: “Of course it will. Look at him. Hes practically in love with me already.“Edies Mother: “Thats because he thinks youre gonna give him a baby. Wait till he finds out youre still on the pill.“Edie: “Oh, shut up, would you?“Edies Mother: “I just thank the good lo
12、rd your father didnt live to see this.“Edie: “Well, neither did you. You died alone in a trailer park watching game shows. And why should I listen to you?“Edies Mother: “Cause I know whats waiting for you, missy. This ones gonna leave you like all the others. Youre going to end up old and alone, jus
13、t like I did.“Edie wakes up suddenly from her dream. Shes alone in bed.Edie: “Carlos? Carlos!“Carlos: “Down here, babe! Im making you a fruit smoothie.“The doorbell rings. Carlos answers it to find Gabrielle standing on the porch.Gabrielle: “Chicken or fish?“Carlos: “What?“Gabrielle: “I havent gotte
14、n your reply card back yet. So chicken or fish?“Carlos: “Oh! Right, your wedding. I cant go.“Gabrielle: “Why not?“Carlos: “Im a jinx. I went to your last wedding, and look how that turned out. Come on, Gaby. We both know itd be weird if I went.“Gabrielle: “Okay, maybe a little, but itll be weirder i
15、f you dont.“Carlos: “Excuse me?“Gabrielle: “Look, everyone knows youre living with Edie. If she shows up alone, people will think I asked her not to bring you, like it bugs me that you guys are together.“Carlos: “But it does bug you. You hit the roof when you found out.“Gabrielle: “Which is why I ha
16、ve to show people that Im okay with it. Please, just consider it my wedding gift.“Carlos: “Okay, but Im skipping the ceremony.“Gabrielle: “What? And just go to the reception? You cant do that.“Carlos: “I dont want to make a scene. Youll vow, till death do us part, Ill bust out laughing, people will
17、stare.“Gabrielle: “Reception starts at four.“SUSANS HOUSEMike is sitting at the table while Susan looks through wedding brochures.Susan: “Im thinking a chocolate fountain would be a cool centerpiece to a dessert buffet.“Mike: “Dessert buffet? Were having a wedding cake, right? Isnt that dessert?“Sus
18、an: “Yeah, but you have to give people a choice. Dont you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?“Mike: “I dont know.you, a big white dress, melted chocolate. Am I the only one hearing alarm bells?“Susan: “Fine, well skip the chocolate. How out a champagne fountain? Oh, I know! Maybe we can mak
19、e the champagne flow through the ice sculpture.“Mike: “Dont you think we might be going a little over-the-top?“Susan: “Mike, these are all fairly standard wedding features. Now you name one thing that you think is going over-the-top.“Mike: “How about the dove wrangler?“Susan: “Well, the doves are no
20、t going to release themselves.“Mike: “Do we really need forty of em?“Susan: “Okay, I know that you think Im being silly, but all of our friends went to Brees wedding, and now theyre going to Gabys. Two months from now, do we really want them thinking our wasnt as nice?“Mike: “It seems to me our frie
21、nds wouldnt be there to make petty comparisons. Theyd be there to celebrate our love.“Susan: “You would think that, but no. Come on. This is something that we have both looked forward to for so long. Dont you want it to be perfect?“Mike: “Oh, I guess. About the doves, though.“Susan: “What?“Mike: “Yo
22、u in a wedding gown, forty birds circling overhead? Again, not liking those odds.“LYNETTES HOUSELynette is sitting at the kitchen table while on the phone. Tom prepares breakfast.Lynette: “Oh, its not as bad as it sounds. Its, um, Hodgkins Lymphoma, and apparently, if youre going to get lymphoma, th
23、ats the kind you want.“She gets up and walks to the doorway to yell up the stairs.Lynette: “Hey, you wanna hold it down up there, kids? Im trying to talk to your Aunt Lucy! Thank you!“She sits back down at the table.Lynette: “Anyway, I know I said that we would come and visit you this June, but Ill
24、be a little woozy and.bald from the chemo, so.thanks for understanding. Oh, one more thing-our insurance policy has a really high deductible, so we are strapped financially, and I was wondering if maybe you and Dave might be able to.oh, really? No, I am not asking mom. She doesnt know about any of t
25、his, so dont you tell her, okay? Well be fine. I love you. Bye.“She hangs up the phone.Tom: “I take it thats a no on the loan?“Lynette: “Yep. Dave lost his job at the plant, and he is now handing out flyers at a chicken restaurant, and-prepare to wince- there is a chicken suit involved.“Tom: “Ouch.“
26、Lynette: “So where are we gonna find this ten thousand dollars?“Tom: “You leave that to me. I want you to focus on getting better.“Lynette: “But, honey-“Tom: “I will find it. Meanwhile, well make some sacrifices around here. My tennis club membership is up this month. Im not renewing.“Lynette: “Shou
27、ld you even be playing tennis after your back surgery?“Tom: “Probably not.“Lynette: “Well, in that spirit, as soon as I start chemo, I will be giving up shampoo.“Tom: “Okay, thanks.“SWITZERLAND HOTELBree is packing up her toiletries while Orson packs their suitcases.Orson: “Taxis here. Are you sure
28、youre ready to go back? We could wait another week.“Bree: “And miss Gabys wedding? No, Ill be fine.“Orson: “Is, uh, this the dress you were thinking for the ceremony?“He holds up a pink dress.Bree: “Yes.“Orson: “Oh, good. Ill fold it in tissue so it doesnt wrinkle.“Bree: “Oh, darling, I dont deserve
29、 you.“Orson: “Oh, come on. We agreed-no more tears.“Bree: “Im so sorry to be putting you through this. I-I wouldnt blame you if you ran like hell and never looked back.“Orson: “Stop. Im going to raise this child and love it as if it were my own. Now lets see a smile.“Bree smiles.GABRIELLES HOUSEGabr
30、ielle, Victor, and Victors father, Milton, are eating dinner.Gabrielle: “Well, Im glad you could join us, Milton. Its good to get to know you before the wedding.“Milton: “Thank you. You know, I must say, all these months, I thought Victor was exaggerating about you. But he hasnt done you justice. Yo
31、u, my dear, are a flawless beauty.“Gabrielle: “Im hardly flawless. Im sure I have a blemish hidden away somewhere.“Milton: “Now thats a search I would relish.“Victor: “She is way out of your league, dad.“Gabrielle: “Honey, hes a multimillionaire. He runs my league.“Milton: “By the way, Victor, I, uh
32、, ran into Keith Perkinson last week.“Victor: “And how is the venerable state chairman?“Milton: “Impressed with you. He liked the way you ran your moral campaign, said if you keep your numbers up, he might consider supporting you in the next governors race.“Victor: “Really?“Gabrielle starts to laugh
33、.Victor: “Whats so funny?“Gabrielle: “You gotta be kidding, right? I mean, we just finished a campaign. Youre not about to put me through another one.“Victor: “But I thought you loved campaigning.“Gabrielle: “God, no. Its a complete snore. Pasting a smile on my face while you say the same speech for
34、 the fiftieth time?“Victor: “But you were a natural. People loved you.“Gabrielle: “Well, the feeling wasnt mutual. You think I enjoyed sipping tea with these frumpy matrons who wore loud, polyblend pantsuits? You know how many times I just wanted to scream, “vote for my husband, you color-blind cow!
35、“?“Milton: “I think youve discovered something very important about democracy, my dear-the nation is full of fools, and everyone gets a vote.“Gabrielle: “Well, theyre not gonna get us again. I made nice with Fairview. Im not about to suck up to the whole damn state.“SUSANS HOUSE - MIDDLE OF THE NIGH
36、TSusan wakes up to an empty bed. She looks over to the closet where Mike is pulling on his clothes.Susan: “What are you doing?“Mike: “Some guy out in Mount Pleasants got a cracked water heater.“Susan: “Its three oclock in the morning.“Mike: “Well, I started advertising as a twenty-four-hour plumber.
37、 After midnight, I get triple time.“Susan: “Okay, well, thats crazy. You cant work round the clock. Its not healthy.“Mike: “Well, this is the third night Ive worked this week. Im fine so far.“Susan: “Youve been sneaking out while Ive been asleep? What are you, ninja plumber?“Mike: “Its just for a li
38、ttle while, earn some extra money.“Susan: “Is this about the wedding?“Mike: “We agreed we want it to be nice.“Susan: “But we didnt agree on this. Maybe I can scale things back a bit.“Mike: “How? Have a ginger ale fountain? Make paper doves and hope its windy?“Susan: “Okay, seriously, you dont have t
39、o kill yourself. I could max out my credit card.“Mike: “Is that really how you want to start our life together-in debt?“Susan: “No, I wanna start out happy. But clearly, youre upset, and I dont know why.“Mike: “Im not Ian. I cant afford to move you into a mansion or fly you off to Paris, but Ill be
40、damned if I dont give you the same dream wedding he would have given you. Ill see you in the morning.“He leaves.LYNETTES HOUSEThe doorbell rings. Lynette answers it to find her mother, Stella, standing there.Stella: “Where the hell do you get off having cancer and not telling me about it?!“Lynette:
41、“Mom.“Stella: “How do you think you could handle this without me?“Tom comes over.Tom: “Stella?“Stella: “Oh, theres my Tommy boy! Come here!“They hug.Stella: “Oh! God. Oh, listen, be a love, will you, honey, and get my bags from the cab?“Tom: “Bags? Shes staying?“Stella: “Yep. And do not tip the driv
42、er. S.O.B. wouldnt let me smoke.“She walks into the living room where the kids are drawing.Stella: “Jeez, Lynette, I didnt know you opened a day care center. Hey, kids, grandmas here.“The kids dont say anything.Stella: “Okay, what did you tell them about me?“Lynette: “Its been five years, mom. They
43、dont remember you.“Stella: “Well, theyll remember me this time. I brought presents.“Kids: “Cool!“Stella: “Hey.for you, and.you, and you.“She hands books to the three boys.Parker: “These are baby toys. Were too old to play with these.“Stella: “Well, Im too old to remember what the hell six-year-olds
44、like to play with.“Twin: “Were eight.“Stella: “What do I care?“Lynette: “Just say thank you.“Kids: “Thank you.“She sees Kayla.Stella: “Oh, whos the pretty thing? (to Parker) Your girlfriend?“Parker: “No! Shes my sister!“Stella: “Oh. Is that Toms little b-a-s-t-a-“Tom: “Okay, kids, time to get your t
45、oys and lets play upstairs. Come on, Penny. Come on, sweetie. Lets go, everybody.“Tom leads the kids upstairs.Lynette: “Listen, mom, I really appreciate you coming to help, but as you can see, Im perfectly fine.“Stella: “For now. Now how you gonna handle that mob when youre flat on your ass from che
46、mo?“Lynette: “Ill manage. You got through breast cancer while raising the three of us alone.“Stella: “I was not alone. I had you.“Tom comes back downstairs.Stella: “Lynette was all of thirteen, and she still looked after her sisters, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, and I was curled up in a ball
47、, puking my guts out.“Lynette: “Well, thats what you get when you mix chemo and vodka gimlets.“Stella: “You can goad me all you like, Lynette. I did not come here to fight. Now trust me, cookie, I have memorized the whole catalog of subjects you and I can no longer discuss, and if that means that we
48、 have to talk about the weather for three months, then fine. But I am staying. Now.if youll excuse me, I have to go kick a child out of its room.“She goes upstairs.EDIES HOUSEEdie and Carlos have just finished making love. Carlos lifts Edies legs so that shes lying on her back, legs in the air.Carlo
49、s: “Okay. Legs up!“Edie: “Oh, you wanna do it again?“Carlos: “No. Ive been doing a lot of research, and gravity helps facilitate the sperm reaching the eggs. So.heave-ho!“Edie: “Oh! Well, could we try a little light spooning before you hang me up like a side of beef?“Carlos: “Edie, were trying to have a baby.“Edie: “Well, could we be a little less clinical? Maybe let nature take its course?“Carlo
