1、我只希望朱莉?贝克能离我远点 All I ever wanted was for Juli Baker to leave me alone. 故事始于一年级暑假 年的夏天It all began in the summer of , before the start of second grade. 于我而言 这意味着我从此步入了For me, it was the beginning of what would be长达五年的不安与逃避生涯more than half a decade of strategic avoidance and social discomfort. 显然这姑娘也太
2、不识趣了It didnt take long to realize this girl could not take a hint. 咱们仨在这儿有点挤吧 不要紧啊Its crowded in here with three people. I dont mind. 毫无自知之明 我们一起推吧? Of any kind. You wanna push this one together? 布莱斯 你妈妈还等着你去帮忙吧? Bryce, isnt it time for you to go help your mother? 是啊是啊Oh, yeah. 我真是拿她没辙I mean, nothin
3、g would stop her. 我终于忍无可忍 这时候诡异的事情却发生了I was about to tell her to get lost when the weirdest thing happened. 我真是难以置信I couldnt believe it. 我居然会牵着陌生女孩的手There I was holding hands with this strange girl. 我咋就惹上了这种麻烦? 你好呀How did I get into this mess? Well, hello. 看来你已经认识我儿子了I see youve met my son我不得不使出岁男生仅
4、有的气概Finally, I did the only manly thing available when youre years old. 然而 还有一大串的麻烦等着我However, my troubles were far from over. 就在我走进叶尔森老师的教室时The minute I walked into很显然it was clear:即使在学校 也无法逃脱她的魔掌School would not be a sanctuary. 嘿 布莱斯 你女朋友呢? Hey, Bryce, wheres your girlfriend? 枉我一世英名啊I was branded f
5、or life. 搬来镇上的第一年简直就是场灾难My first year in town was a disaster. 接下来的三年也不尽如人意And the next three werent much better. 就这么捱到了六年级 我总算不再坐以待毙But finally, in the sixth grade, I took action. 想到了一个大狠招I hatched the plan. 雪利Sherry. . . 这个招数的绝妙之处在于To full appreciate the brilliance of this plan雪利? 斯道尔斯是朱莉的眼中钉you ha
6、ve to understand that Juli hated Sherry Stalls但我始终想不通其中的缘由though I never understood why. 雪利长发飘飘 为人和善Sherry was nice, friendly and she had a lot of hair. 我原本一心指望 只要和雪利吃吃饭The idea was that Sherry would eat with me散散步 就能让朱莉知难而退maybe wed walk around together, and hopefully Juli would lose interest. . 米娜
7、妮也想打耳洞So Melanie wanted to get her ears pierced,但她老妈也不是省油的灯but of course her mother said no. 她就在家大发雷霆 So she threw a fit 把约翰尼?马蒂斯的精选辑给砸了 and smashed her Johnny Mathis Greatest Hits album结果就被禁足了and she got grounded,连我的睡衣派对都来不了so now she cant come to my pajama sleepover party. 直到我所谓的挚友加利特?埃恩德That is,
8、until my supposed best friend, Garrett Einbinder开始打起了雪利的主意 took an interest in Sherry himself. 俗话说得好 重色必轻友 加利特这个叛徒Loyalty gave way to desire and Garrett, the turncoat向雪利全盘托出我的计划told Sherry what I was up to. 至于朱莉Word got back to Juli, 她自然又开始对我故技重施and pretty soon she started up with the goo-goo eyes a
9、gain. 而且还变本加厉Only this time it was worse. 居然开始嗅我She started sniffing me. 你没听错 她居然用鼻子嗅我Thats right, sniffing me. 搞什么飞机啊? What was that all about? 我只能期望来年能摆脱魔掌My only consolation was that next year would be different. 但愿升入初中后Junior high, bigger school. 不用再和她同班 Maybe wed be in different classes 彻底结束我的噩
10、梦and it would finally, finally be over. 见到布莱斯?罗斯基的第一眼 我便怦然心动了 The first day I met Bryce Loski, I flipped. 他的双眸让我如痴如醉It was those eyes, something in他感到无比羞愧 脸都红了And he was so embarrassed, his cheeks turned completely red. 那晚我躺在床上 不停幻想初吻的场景I went to bed that night thinking of the kiss that might have b
11、een. 我知道他对我动心了 I mean, it was clear he had feelings for me, 只是怯于表达爱意 but he was just too shy to show them. 妈妈说过男孩子都会这样My mother said boys were like that. 我决定帮他克服心中的恐惧 So I decided to help him out. 布莱斯? 你也在这啊Bryce? Youre here. 我会竭尽所能帮他彻底释放自我I would give him plenty of opportunity to get over his shyne
12、ss. 六年级那年 我学着有所收敛By the sixth grade, Id learned to control myself. 没想到半路却杀出个雪利?斯道尔斯Then Sherry Stalls entered the picture. 雪利?斯道尔斯就是一人尽可夫的长舌妇Sherry Stalls was nothing but a whiny, gossipy, backstabbing flirt. 头发长见识短All hair and no substance. 而且她竟然. . . And there she was和布莱斯十指紧扣 那可是我家布莱斯holding hands
13、 with Bryce. My Bryce. 我的初吻白马王子The one who was walking around with my first kiss. 我决定对她视而不见 依照布莱斯的品性My solution was to ignore her. I knew a boy of Bryces caliber总有一天能意识到雪利有多浅薄无知would eventually see through a shallow conniver like Sherry Stalls. 如我所料 他俩一周后便分手了It took all of a week. They broke up at r
14、ecess. 她也不看看自己几斤几两She didnt take it well. 自从布莱斯摆脱了朱莉的魔掌 Now that Bryce was out of Sherrys evil clutches, 对我也变得更为友善he started being nicer to me. 嗨 朱莉 嗨 布莱斯Hi, Juli. Hi, Bryce. 他如此腼腆可人He was so shy and so cute他的发丝间弥漫着西瓜的香氛and his hair, it smelled like watermelon. 我简直如痴如醉I couldnt get enough of it. 整整一
15、年我都沉浸在这迷人的芬芳里I spent the whole year secretly sniffing watermelon期盼着何时能迎来我的初吻and wondering if I was ever going to get my kiss. 升入初一后 生活开始有所改观Seventh grade brought changes, all right. 但最大的变化并非学校But the biggest one didnt happen at school. 而是出现在家中It happened at home. 外公搬来与我们同住My grandfather came to live
16、 with us. 妈妈说他是过于思念外婆 才会如此迷惘Mom said he stared like that because he missed Grandma. 但他怎么可能对我推心置腹呢That was not something Grandpa would ever talk about with me. 其实他在我面前总是沉默寡言As a matter of fact, he never talked about much of anything with me. 直到朱莉的名字登上了当地报纸That is, until Juli appeared in the local new
17、spaper. 布莱斯 能和你聊聊吗? 有事吗? Oh, Bryce. May I speak with you? What? 坐吧 孩子Have a seat, son. 跟我说说你的朋友朱莉?贝克吧Tell me about your friend Juli Baker. 其实朱莉算不上是我朋友Juli. Shes not exactly my friend. 为什么呢? Oh. Whys that? 你怎么突然问这个? Why do you wanna know? 朱莉?贝克登上梅菲尔德时报Now, Juli Baker did not wind up in The Mayfield T
18、imes可不是因为她天赋异禀for being an eighth-grade Einstein. 而是因为她赖在无花果树上No, she got front-page coverage because she refused 死活不肯下来 to climb out of a sycamore tree. 朱莉?贝克和那棵白痴无花果树Juli Baker and that stupid sycamore tree. 她认为那棵树She always thought it was Gods gift 是上帝对我们的恩赐to our little corner of the universe. 嘿
19、 布莱斯 过来和我们一起爬树不? Hey, Bryce. Wanna come climb the tree with me and my brothers? 不了 谢谢No, thanks. 布莱斯 快上来嘛 很好玩的Bryce. Come up here. Its fun. 可以看到全世界呢 我没空You can see everything. I cant. 我爸爸让我帮他去修. . . My dad needs me to help him fix修东西 a thing. 拉倒吧Thats all I needed. 我才不要和朱莉?贝克一起爬树呢 Climb up a tree wi
20、th Juli Baker. 我可不想重温二年级的噩梦Id be dragged right back into the second grade. 布莱斯和朱莉爬上树梢Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree. 我宁可下半辈子吃青豆度日Why dont you just make me eat lima beans for the rest of my life. 还有三个街区就来了Its three blocks away. 只剩两个喽Two blocks. 还有最后一个One block away. 还真把自己当回事 最受不了她这种人了Like thats val
21、uable information. I hate it when she does that. 真希望校车哪天能罢工I like to think theres at least a chance the bus wont show. 这棵树在晨曦中显得尤为美丽 你说对么? I think the tree looks particularly beautiful in this light. Dont you? 如果你所谓的美丽是指奇丑无比 If by “beautiful“ you mean “unbelievably ugly,“ 那我绝对赞成then, yes, I would ag
22、ree. 你眼神不太好吧 我真同情你Youre just visually challenged. I feel sorry for you. 眼神不太好? “Visually challenged“? 眼神不太好? “Visually challenged“? 她家不也是街坊邻里的笑柄么 This from the girl who lived in a house 居然敢这么说我? that was the joke of the neighborhood? 灌木爬满了窗台 门前杂草丛生They had bushes growing over windows and weeds all o
23、ver the place. 我老爸为此很是不爽It bugged my dad bigtime. 哟 快瞧瞧Oh, there he is. 砌墙工当自己是大画家呢 The bricklayer who thinks hes a painter. 嫌那破车不够寒碜 That trucks not ugly enough in real life? 还得画幅画裱起来? Hes gotta make a painting of it? 人家的风景画可是集市上的抢手货No, he does landscapes. Sells them at the county fair. 大家都夸赞他呢Peop
24、le say theyre beautiful. 风景画? 要我说吧Landscapes? Let me tell you something. 他要是能把院子拾掇拾掇The world would have more beauty in it这个世界一定会更加美好if hed do a little landscaping on that piece of crap he calls a yard. 我真同情他老婆 嫁了这么个幻想家I feel bad for his wife. She married a dreamer. 梦想与现实间的冲突 总得有一个人来承受Because of tha
25、t, one of the two of them will always be unhappy. 没错 可为啥要殃及无辜呢? Yeah, fine. But why do we have to be unhappy? 和朱莉?贝克成天赖在树上相比As annoying as the yard was to my dad她家那院子其实也不见得有多惹人生厌it was nothing compared to how annoying Juli Baker was in that tree. 还有三个街区哦Three blocks away. 每天早上我们都不得不忍受Every morning w
26、e had to listen to the sound她极为啰嗦的交通播报of her blow-by-blow traffic report. 还有两个了Two blocks. 到喽There you go. 为什么要叫“三个臭皮匠“ 呢? Why do they call it The Three Stooges? 明明有五个人啊 什么? I mean, theres five of them. What? 你看啊 莫伊 拉里 克里 谢普和卷毛乔伊Well, yeah, theres Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp and Curly Joe. 可每场戏却只有三个人 是
27、啊Yeah, but they only have three at a time. Yeah. 我讨厌卷毛乔伊 他哪算得上臭皮匠呢You know, I hate Curly Joe. I mean, he shouldnt even be a Stooge. 姑娘 我可要报警了Listen, girl, Im this close to calling the police. 你侵犯私人土地 妨碍施工You are trespassing and obstructing progress on a contracted job. 怎么了? 你最好自己下来Whats going on? Either you come down要不我们就砍树了 你们赶紧上来吧or were gonna cut you down. You guys, come up here with me. 咱们人一多他们就不敢砍了They wont cut it down if were all up here. 车来了 朱莉真是疯了Bus, bus, bus. Juli was frantic. 他们想把树给砍了They wanted to cut down her tree.
