1、Sleeping with John Updike by Julian BarnesOn the first anniversary of the American novelists death, a new short story by Julian Barnes Julian Barnes The Guardian, Saturday 23 January 2010 “I thought that went very well,“ Jane said, patting her handbag as the train doors closed with a pneumatic thump
2、. Their carriage was nearly empty, its air warm and stale.Alice knew to treat the remark as a question seeking reassurance. “You were certainly on good form.“Oh, I had a nice room for a change. It always helps.“They liked that story of yours about Graham Greene.“They usually do,“ Jane replied with a
3、 slight air of complacency.“Ive always meant to ask you, is it true?“You know, I never worry about that any more. It fills a slot.“When had they first met? Neither could quite remember. It must have been nearly forty years ago, during that time of interchangeable parties: the same white wine, the sa
4、me hysterical noise level, the same publishers speeches. Perhaps it had been at a PEN do, or when theyd been shortlisted for the same literary prize. Or maybe during that long, drunken summer when Alice had been sleeping with Janes agent, for reasons she could no longer recall or, even at the time,
5、justify.“In a way, its a relief were not famous.“Is it?“ Jane looked puzzled, and a little dismayed, as if she thought they were.“Well, I imagine wed have readers coming to see us time and again. Theyd expect some new anecdotes. I dont think either of us has told a new story in years.“Actually, we d
6、o have people coming to see us again and again. Just fewer than . . . if we were famous. Anyway, I think they like hearing the same stories. When were on stage were not literature, were sitcom. You have to have catchphrases.“Like your Graham Greene story.“I think of that as a bit more than a . . . c
7、atchphrase, Alice.“Dont prickle, dear. It doesnt suit.“ Alice couldnt help noticing the sheen of sweat on her friends face. All from the effort of getting from taxi to platform, then platform to train. And why did women carrying rather more poundage than was wise think floral prints were the answer?
8、 Bravado rarely worked with clothes, in Alices opinion at least, after a certain age.When they had become friends, both were freshly married and freshly published. They had watched over each others children, sympathised through divorces, recommended each others books as Christmas reading. Each priva
9、tely liked the others work a little less than they said, but then, they also liked everyone elses work a little less than they said, so hypocrisy didnt come into it. Jane was embarrassed when Alice referred to herself as an artist rather than a writer, and thought her books strove to appear more hig
10、hbrow than they were; Alice found Janes work rather formless, and at times bleatingly autobiographical. Each had had a little more success than they had anticipated, but less, looking back, than they thought they deserved. Mike Nichols had taken an option on Alices Triple Sec, but eventually pulled
11、out; some journeyman from telly had come in and made it crassly sexual. Not that Alice put it like this; she would say, with a faint smile, that the adaptation had “skimped on the books withholdingness“, a phrase some found baffling. Jane, for her part, had been second favourite for the Booker with
12、The Primrose Path, had spent a fortune on a frock, rehearsed her speech with Alice, and then lost out to some fashionable Antipodean.“Who did you hear it from, just out of interest?“What?“The Graham Greene story.“Oh, that chap . . . you know, that chap who used to publish us both.“Jim?“Yes, thats ri
13、ght.“Jane, how can you possibly forget Jims name?“Well, I just did.“ The train blasted through some village halt, too fast to catch the signboard. Why did Alice need to be so stern? She wasnt exactly spotless herself. “By the way, did you ever sleep with him?“Alice frowned slightly. “You know, to be
14、 perfectly honest, I cant remember. Did you?“I cant either. But I suppose if you did, then I probably did as well.“Doesnt that make me sound a bit of a tart?“I dont know. I thought it made me sound more of a tart.“ Jane laughed, to cover the uncertainty.“Do you think its good or bad that fact that w
15、e cant remember?“Jane felt back on stage, facing a question she was unprepared for. So she did what she would have done there, and referred the matter back to Alice: the team leader, head girl, moral authority.“What do you think?“Good, definitely.“Why?“Oh, I think it best to have a zen approach to t
16、hat sort of thing.“Sometimes, Alices poise could make her rather too oblique for ordinary mortals. “Are you saying its Buddhist to forget who you slept with?“It could be.“I thought Buddhism was about things coming round again in different lives?“Well that would explain why we slept with so many pigs
17、.“They looked at one another companionably. They made a good team. When they were first asked to literary festivals, they soon realised it would be more fun to appear as a double act. Together they had played Hay and Edinburgh, Charleston and Kings Lynn, Dartington and Dublin; even Adelaide and Toro
18、nto. They travelled together, saving their publishers the cost of minders. Onstage, they finished one others sentences, covered up each others gaffes, were satirically punitive with male interviewers who tried to patronise them, and urged signing queues to buy the other ones book. The British Counci
19、l had sent them on a few trips until Jane, less than entirely sober, had made some unambassadorial remarks in Munich.“Whats the worst thing anyones done to you?“Are we still talking bed?“Mmm.“Jane, what a question.“Well, were bound to be asked it sooner or later. The way everythings going.“Ive never
20、 been raped, if thats what youre asking. At least,“ Alice went on reflectively, “not what the courts would call rape.“So?“When Alice didnt answer, Jane said: “Ill look at the landscape while youre thinking.“ She gazed, with vague benignity, at trees, fields, hedgerows, livestock. She had always been
21、 a town person, and her interest in the countryside was largely pragmatic: a flock of sheep only signified roast lamb.“Its not something . . . obvious. But Id say it was Simon.“Simon as in the novelist or as in the publisher or as in Simon but you dont know him?“Simon the novelist. It was not long a
22、fter I was divorced. He phoned up and suggested coming round. Said hed bring a bottle of wine. Which he did. When it became pretty clear that he wasnt going to get what hed come for, he corked up the rest of it and took the bottle home.“What was it?“What do you mean?“Well, was it champagne?“Alice th
23、ought for a moment. “It cant have been champagne because you cant get the cork back into the bottle. Do you mean was it French or Italian or white or red?“Jane could tell from the tone that Alice was riled. “I dont know what I meant actually. Thats bad.“Whats bad? Not remembering what you meant?“No,
24、 putting the cork back in the bottle. Really bad.“ She left an ex-actresss pause. “I suppose it might have been symbolic.“Alice giggled, and Jane could tell the moment had only been a hiccup.Encouraged, she put on her sitcom voice. “Got to laugh after a bit, havent you?“I suppose so,“ replied Alice.
25、 “Its either that or get religion.“Jane might have let the moment pass. But Alices reference to Buddhism had given her courage, and besides, what are friends for? Even so, she looked out of the window to confess. “Actually, Ive got it if you want to know. A little anyway.“Really? Since when? Or rath
26、er, why?“A year or two. It sort of makes sense of things. Makes it all feel less . . . hopeless.“ Jane stroked her handbag, as if it too needed consolation.Alice was surprised. In her world view, everything was hopeless, but you just had to get on with it. And there wasnt much point changing what yo
27、u believed at this late stage of the game. She considered whether to answer seriously or lightly, and decided on the latter.“As long as your god allows drinking and smoking and fornication.“Oh, hes very keen on all of those.“How about blasphemy? I always think that the key test. When it comes to a g
28、od.“Hes indifferent. He sort of rises above it.“Then I approve.“Thats what he does. Approves.“Makes a change. For a god, I mean. Mostly they disapprove.“I dont think Id want a god who disapproved. Get enough of that in life anyway. Mercy and forgiveness and understanding, thats what we need. Plus th
29、e notion of some overall plan.“Did he find you or you find him, if that makes sense as a question?“Perfect sense,“ replied Jane. “I suppose you could say it was mutual.“That sounds . . . comfy.“Yes, most people dont think a god ought to be comfy.“Whats that line? Something like: God will forgive me,
30、 its his job?“Quite right too. I think weve overcomplicated God down the ages.“The sandwich trolley came past, and Jane ordered tea without milk. From her handbag she took a slice of lemon in a plastic box, and a miniature of cognac from the hotel minibar. She liked to play a little unacknowledged g
31、ame with her publishers: the better her room, the less she pillaged. Last night she had slept well, so contented herself with only the cognac and whisky. But once, in Cheltenham, after a poor audience and a lumpy mattress, she was in such a rage that shed taken everything: the alcohol, the peanuts,
32、the chocolate, the bottle opener, even the ice tray.The trolley clattered away. Alice found herself regretting the days of proper restaurant cars with silver service and white-jacketed waiters skilled at delivering vegetables with clasped fork and spoon while outside the landscape lurched. Life, she
33、 thought, was mostly about the gradual loss of pleasure. She and Jane had given up sex at about the same time. She was no longer interested in drink; Jane had stopped caring about food or at least its quality. Alice gardened; Jane did crosswords, occasionally saving time by filling in answers which
34、couldnt possibly be right.Jane was glad Alice never rebuked her for taking a drink earlier than some. She felt a rush of affection for this poised, unmessy friend who always made sure that they caught their train.“That was a nice young man who interviewed us,“ said Alice. “Properly respectful.“He wa
35、s to you. But he did that thing to me.“What thing?“Didnt you notice?“ Jane gave a sigh of self-pity. “When he mentioned all those books that my latest reminded him of. And you cant very well say you havent read some of them or youll look like an ignoramus. So you go along with it and then everyone a
36、ssumes thats where you got your ideas from.“Alice thought this unduly paranoid. “They werent thinking that, Jane. More likely they were writing him down as a show-off. And they loved it when he mentioned Moby-Dick and you put your head on one side and said: Is that the one with the whale?“Yes.“Jane,
37、 youre not telling me you havent read Moby-Dick?“Did it look as if I hadnt?“No, not at all.“Good. Well, I wasnt exactly lying. I saw the film. Gregory Peck. Was it good?“The film?“No, the book, silly.“Since you ask, I havent read it either.“Alice youre such a friend, you know.“Do you read those youn
38、g men everyones going on about?“Which ones?“The ones everyones going on about.“No. I think theyve got quite enough readers already, dont you?“Their own sales were holding up, just about. A couple of thousand in hardback, twenty or so in paper. They still had a certain name-recognition. Alice wrote a
39、 weekly column about lifes uncertainties and misfortunes, though Jane thought it could be improved by more references to Alices own life and fewer to Epictetus. Jane was still in demand when radio programmes needed someone to fill the Social Policy/Woman/Non-Professional/Humour slot; though one prod
40、ucer had firmly added “BIM“ to her contact details, meaning “Best in Morning“.Jane wanted to keep the mood going. “What about the young women everyones going on about?“I suppose I pretend a little more to have read them than with the boys.“So do I. Is that bad?“No, I think its sisterly.“Jane flinche
41、d as a great wind-blast from a train going in the opposite direction suddenly rocked them. Why on earth did they put the tracks so close together? And instantly her head was full of helicopter news-footage: carriages jack-knifed they always used that verb, making it sound the more violent trains str
42、ewn at the bottom of embankments, flashing lights, stretcher crews, and in the background, one carriage mounting another like mating metal. Quickly her mind ran on to plane crashes, mass slaughter, cancer, the strangling of old ladies who lived alone, and the probable absence of immortality. The God
43、 who Approved of Things was powerless against such visions. She tipped the last of the cognac into her tea. She must get Alice to distract her.“What are you thinking about?“ she asked, timid as a first-timer in a book-signing queue.“Actually, I was wondering if youd ever been jealous of me.“Why were
44、 you wondering that?“I dont know. Just one of those stray thoughts that arrive.“Good. Because its hardly kind.“Isnt it?“Well, if I admit Ive been jealous of you, that makes me a mean-spirited friend. And if I say I havent, it sounds as if Im so smug I cant find anything in your life or your books wo
45、rthy of jealousy.“Jane, Im sorry. Put like that Im a bitch. Apologies.“Accepted. But since you ask . . .“Are you sure I want to hear this now?“ Strange how there were still times when she underestimated Jane.“. . . I dont know if jealous is the right word. But I was envious as hell about the Mike Ni
46、chols thing until it went away. And I was pretty furious when you slept with my husband, but that was anger not jealousy, I think.“I suppose that was tactless of me. But he was your ex-husband by then. And back in those days everyone slept with everyone, didnt they?“ Beneath such worldliness, Alice
47、felt pressing irritation. This again? It wasnt as if they hadnt discussed it to death at the time. And afterwards. And Jane had written that bloody novel about it claiming that “David“ was just about to return to “Jill“ when “Angela“ intervened. What it didnt say in the novel was that it was two yea
48、rs, not two months, on, and by that time “David“ was fucking half of west London as well as “Angela“.“It was tactless of you to tell me.“Yes. I suppose I hoped youd make me stop. I needed someone to make me stop. I was a mess at the time, wasnt I?“ And theyd discussed that too. Why did some people f
49、orget what they needed to remember, and remember what was best forgotten?“Are you sure that was the reason?“Alice took a breath. She was damned if she was going to carry on apologising for the rest of her life. “No, I cant really remember what the reason was at the time. Im just guessing. Post hoc,“ she added, as if that made it more authoritative, and closed the matter.
