1、无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年01月号)无老师优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from their labor and put machines and computers in places which employees originally occupy. It is a common phenomenon now that tremendous farm
2、 land are being well organized under the control of merely its owner taking advantage of the most advanced machines. Also, factories that “hires” computers to manage the mass production is no longer news. Neither of these seemed even possible only decades ago, but they now obvious examples of how a
3、bussiness could be run without employees. 无老师优秀翻译:这个说法不成立的另外一个原因是在于,它忽略了不断发展的现代科技,他把我们人类从繁重的体力劳动之中解放出来,让机器和电脑代替了原来雇工做的事情。要知道,现在很多农场主,仅仅是通过最先进的机器就能很好的管理自己巨大的农场了。同时,那些雇佣电脑来管理生产线的工厂,已经不是很新鲜了。但是这些在10年前都是不可能的,但是在今天,他们都成了,公司如何在没有很多员工的情况下,运营的最为明显的例子了。 本段,一共就4句。第一句,优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is f
4、alse is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from their labor and put machines and computers in places which employees originally occupy.对比平庸范例This statement is wrong, and the another reason for this is that it can not see the technology is developing, and i
5、t liberates our human from hard work, and it makes machines and computers do the jobs that people do.从开头我们就一下能辨别出优秀范例,与平庸范例的差别,在这里平庸范例的This statement is wrong,几乎就是字对字的把单词堆砌起来的,但是优秀范例首先一个another即显示出本段是承接上一段进行进一步论述的,这一点,平庸范例根本显示不出来。其次,优秀范例对于表示对一个观点的否定的时候,用的也是false,而不是比较口语的wrong。接下来,优秀范例,在表达忽略的时候用的也是ne
6、glect,也是很书面化,加分!不仅如此,接下来,优秀范例用的growing power写的也是很贴切,而不是像平庸范例写的technology is developing句型写的这么简单和常见。而在这个时候,如果我们跳到更高的高度的话,还会发现优秀范例的Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects这个句型一气呵成,逻辑衔接得非常好,我们可以直接抄下来,当作常用加分句式。 后半句,优秀范例选词其实一般,但是两个固定搭配很好,首先是releases . from.用的很好,第二个是put . in places,两个固
7、定搭配看似平庸,但是当我们把真正的平庸范例makes machines and computers do the jobs,拿过来的时候,我们就会发现,原来优秀范例写的颇有一些文绉绉的感觉!也就是把你提走了不说提走了,而是说找人替代了你的位置,言下之意,也就是这里不需要你了。而且优秀范例最后用的employees originally occupy,这里的originally occupy用的特别好,首先originally,那就说明,now,这里已经没有你的位置了。然后occupy,对应前面的place,颇有前后呼应的感觉。至于平庸范例do来,do去的,过于口语化。 第二句,优秀范例It i
8、s a common phenomenon now that tremendous farm land are being well organized under the control of merely its owner taking advantage of the most advanced machines.对比平庸范例We all know that many farm owners are managing their farms by the most advance machines.优秀范例的It is a common phenomenon now that显得非常的
9、书面,颇有一种“纵观古今,我们都知道这样一个道理”的大会作报告的感觉扑面而来!赞()/ !至于平庸范例的We all know that,就好像是“大伙想想,是不是这个理”口语化倾向很浓厚。接下来的tremendous farm land也就是还好。但是后面的一连串组合拳很漂亮,首先是are being well organized强调现在已经是正在实行的情况,其二,under the control of merely its owner,用介宾短语under+名词结构,而不是用很僵化的by doing。而且优秀范例最后还用了伴随状语taking advantage of,使得句式很多样化,
10、而且其本身还是一个固定搭配take advantage of,更是给自己加分! 第三句,优秀范例Also, factories that “hires” computers to manage the mass production is no longer news.对比平庸范例At the same time, it is not new that many people are using computers to manage the factories.这里优秀范例很俏皮的用了hires,而不是buy,第一点与前面的取代了人的位置相呼应,因为hire只能hire人,但是在这里hire
11、的是computers,其实就是在强调computers取代了人的位置。其次,mass production没有用常见的factory production,亦或者assembly line,不见得有多好,但是代表自己掌握的单词量很丰富,这也是给自己加分的。而且最后的no longer news也得很漂亮,用否定的方式,来表达肯定的意思,这个东西已经不新鲜了,也就是已经司空见惯了,更证明自己的论述很有道理。 最后一句,优秀范例Neither of these seemed even possible only decades ago, but they now obvious examples
12、 of how a bussiness could be run without employees.对比平庸范例But they are imposibble in many years ago, but today, they are the most obvious examples of how a company run without many people.首先,作者将否定词Neither放置于句首,而不是像平庸范例一样用imposibble来表示否定,比较新颖,本身就使得句式与众不同,加分!然后,表示几十年之前,也没有用many years ago这样很常见的方式,而是直接秀了
13、一下词汇量,用了decade这个词“10年”,词汇量赞!最后的亮点,就是在于but they now obvious examples of这个链接的很好,首先用they,呼应前文,然后用obvious examples of引导出自己的例子来支持自己的观点,浑然天成!而且优秀范例最后还用到了employee这个词,看似平淡无奇,但是反观平庸范例的用的是many people,顿觉得优秀范例用词准确。无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年02月号)无老师优秀范例:Another reason why I advocate for space technology is that it doe
14、s good to dwellers on earth not only in the future, but also today, at this very hour, at this very minute, at this very second. Without satellites, an Australian could never be able to, say, take a day off, be a couch potato, watch a football game on the opposite side of the planet. With satellites
15、, never will a Chinese professor travel by air to an academic meeting in America, and still step out of the plane with a trembling hand. 无老师优秀翻译:我支持空间技术的另外一个原因是:他不仅未来对于地球的定居者有好处,而且今天也是,在每一小时,每一分,甚至每一秒。没有卫星,一个澳大利亚人根本就不可能放一天假,看一整天电视,在地球的另一端看足球比赛。有了卫星的帮助,一个中国教授就不用再飞去美国参加学术会议,带着(因为劳累)而颤抖的双走走出机舱了。 无老师精析:
16、不同的优秀文章,各有各的不同。本篇的优点就在于句式的丰富多样性,有排比,有倒装,断句的很清爽,让人读起来丝毫没有压力!怎一个爽字了得,而且还有couch potato这样的地道用语,简直就像是听看一场道地的讲座。点个赞! 首先第一句,优秀范例Another reason why I advocate for space technology is that it does good to dwellers on earth not only in the future, but also today, at this very hour, at this very minute, at thi
17、s very second.对比平庸范例Another reason why I support the space technology is that it will not only good to the people on the earth in the future, but also today, at each hour, at each minute, and at each second.优秀范例真的是要星星眼!写的太赞了!首先Another reason why I advocate for,一气呵成,拿来当模板用!赞()/ !然后第二大亮点是强调句式does good
18、 !加分!平庸范例就丝毫没有体现出这层意思!第三点用词准确dwellers,特质当地的居民,而不像是平庸范例的people那么泛泛。第四点not only为了配合but also而特意放在句子末端,而不是像平庸范例那样放在句子中段,狂点赞!尤其是优秀范例最后的部分,一连串并列at this very hour, at this very minute, at this very second步步递进!大赞的模板句!而且还加上了very这样的强调句式!真的是振聋发聩!一句话集齐32个赞,晋级! 第二句,优秀范例Without satellites, an Australian could nev
19、er be able to, say, take a day off, be a couch potato, watch a football game on the opposite side of the planet.对比平庸范例:If we do not have a satellite, an Australian can not have a holiday to watch the football game in his coach in the other side of the earth.首先优秀范例简洁的Without satellites,一个回合就KO了平庸范例臃肿
20、的If we do not have a satellite,然后再接下来,优秀范例的节奏感特别好,首先“, say,”一个插入语,轻轻敲起,就像是架子鼓在远方点燃我们的激情,然后take a day off又是一个逗号“,”,其后“be a couch potato”后面又是一个逗号,凌厉的三板斧,做得漂亮!不仅如此,这两个小短句还写的很地道,前面表示“休假”没有用holiday,而是用了固定搭配take a day off,其后的couch potato更是地道的用法,专指那些堆在沙发里看电视的胖子,最后on the opposite side of这里的opposite也是的很准确,指的
21、是地球完全相反的另一段,而不像是平庸范例那样的other side,“另一端”是完全相对的,还是靠着我们的?表达的就完全没有opposite side这么准确。 第三句,优秀范例With satellites, never will a Chinese professor travel by air to an academic meeting in America, and still step out of the plane with a trembling hand.对比平庸范例If we have a satellite, a Chinese professor will not f
22、ly to the United States to join in an academic meeting, and walk out the plane with shaking hands.首先平庸范例If we have a satellite就又是完败给了优秀范例的With satellites,然后优秀范例竟然用起了必杀技never will a Chinese professor倒装句!加分!而且优秀范例的“乘飞机”也没有用平庸范例的fly to ,而是用了travel by air,稍有加分。至于优秀范例的still这个词和后面的a trembling hand用得很有画面感,
23、小伙伴们可以体会一下。_至于平庸范例的shaking hands写的就不好了,因为会产生“握手”的歧义。 无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年04月号)无老师优秀范例:In the early periods of almost every bussiness, employee is not a neccesity. Founders of companies who are originally, in many cases, poor in money but sharp in mind start their empire by simply running on foot del
24、ivering mails or collecting wastes. Bill Gates left Harvard for his promising business, which, at that time, was hardly a company, with only a friend and intelligent ideas. Similarly, Buffets first buisiness was simply renting an old-fashioned game machine to passing people and obviously it was impo
25、ssible for him to hire an employee. 无老师优秀翻译:在每一个公司的早期,雇员都是不必要的。公司最初的创办者,在很多情况下,都是缺少资金的,但是思想上的锋利让他开启了自己的商业帝国,仅仅通过送货赚钱,亦或者是捡拾垃圾。当比尔盖茨为了自己宏伟的商业帝国从哈佛退学的时候,在那时,还不能说是一个公司,他仅仅有一个志同道合的朋友和一个伟大的创意。与之相似的是,巴菲特的第一个公司也仅仅是把过时的游戏机租给路人,显然,他也不能雇佣员工。 第一句,优秀范例In the early periods of almost every bussiness, employee is
26、not a neccesity.对比平庸范例At the begining of each company, employee is very important.在本句之中,优秀范例有两大优点,第一点是描写的很细致,也就是在本句话的开头,不仅用early做了限定,而且还用了almost every进行了限定,这就使得本句话的细节非常的丰富,这就好比是,你问我爱你有多深,如果你直接回答,非常爱你,那就没有力度,但是如果你回答,你是我的优乐美,那么对方就感觉很温暖,是一个道理,第二大优点就在于作者又用了形容词的名词化neccesity,本来是该用necessary的,但是作者在这里掉一下书袋,故
27、意写的很书面化,没有用形容词,而是用了名词neccesity,这就写得很漂亮。 第二句优秀范例:Founders of companies who are originally, in many cases, poor in money but sharp in mind start their empire by simply running on foot delivering mails or collecting wastes.对比平庸范例The people who build the company is very poor, but they are very smart, an
28、d they can start their own business, by sending things, or finding wastes.首先说关联,本局之中,优秀范例首先用了Founder与companies,这样呼应前一句的bussiness,起到了关联的作用,表明这两句话说的是相同主题。之后,再来看这句优秀范例,首先作者当表达“创始人”的时候,没有十分笨拙的,像平庸范例一样用The people who build the company,而是直接用了一个Founders来表达,简练,直接,然后又用了originally表达“最启示”的状态,而不是土土的用一个at the be
29、ginning,然后为了增加自己说话的严密性,优秀范例又用了in many cases,表示“大多数情况下”。 接下来,优秀范例用了一个poor,看似平常,但是在后面又加入了in money,因为poor既可能表示穷困,也可能表示贫乏,比如说思想的贫乏,这里加入in money,限定的就很准确,而且一定程度上,还克服了poor有些口语化的问题,接下来作者妙笔出现!前面poor in money一抑,后面but sharp in mind一扬,节奏感超棒!充分突出了Founders思想上的锐利!然后优秀范例没有继续用company亦或者business,而是用了empire“帝国”一个词就描绘出
30、建立的公司的庞大规模!十分到位!至于最后的foot delivering mails,就必须要感叹作者描绘的准确性,用foot限定delivering mails,显示出创业的艰辛。第三句,开始举例了,优秀范例Bill Gates left Harvard for his promising business, which, at that time, was hardly a company, with only a friend and intelligent ideas.对比平庸范例When Bill Gates give up schools for his own business,
31、 at that time, it is not a company, he only has a good friend, and a good idea.显然作者最出彩的就是用词的准确性上!一次点睛之处处处可见!首先用Bill Gates与前文的Founders of companies呼应,然后用了一个promising“非常有前途”,一词点出大业在前,马上成功的感觉!然后接下来,作者为了避免句式过于单一,于是在which这个从句中插入了at that time,调整句子节奏,然后一个hardly用的很巧妙!表示“这几乎还不能算是个公司”,这里就引起了作者的好奇心,那么他有什么呢?最后用
32、with only a friend and intelligent ideas揭开谜底,原来是有一位志同道合的朋友,和一个聪慧的见解。 最后一句,优秀范例Similarly, Buffets first buisiness was simply renting an old-fashioned game machine to passing people and obviously it was impossible for him to hire an employee.对比平庸范例Just the same, Buffets first company is selling old ga
33、me machines to the people who walk around, and obviously he could not have an employee.首先,优秀范例先亮出Similarly,表示与前文相似,亦是表明本句话与前一句话一样的,都是举例,然后再亮出Buffet,显示出与前文的Bill Gates是相对应的。然后又用simply,显示出这里的Buffet的特点,也与Bill Gates是一样的,就是初创阶段极为简单!然后接下来用了old-fashioned,秀一下自己的阅读量!与平庸范例单纯一个old是大不相同的!我的词汇量大很多!然后优秀范例甩出一个passi
34、ng people,与前面的old-fashioned异曲同工,也就是没看到,还真不确定该怎么说,但是一旦看到,就觉得就应该这么说,就是这个意思! 在最后阶段,两处两点impossible for somebody to do something这个固定搭配,想想我们平时用了无数次的can not,顿觉得,还是有些新意的。最后,hire不见得用的多好,而使用的很准确,对比平庸范例的have,顿觉得have这个词用的太宽泛了!不准确,在表达“雇佣”的时候,就该用hire。 看到这里,小伙伴们什么感觉?意犹未尽?其实无老师作文巨讲堂是每个月连载的,可以到百度里搜搜之前的作文巨讲堂,饕餮大宴一次来个
35、够! 无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2015年05月号)无老师优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research. No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future. It is by these researches tha
36、t human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration. And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind. Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of mi
37、llions of computer ancestors? Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research. In a word, the space proj
38、ect enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind. 无老师优秀翻译:我倾向于太空技术的最主要的原因,是在于科学研究的潜力。无论他已经产生了怎样的影响,从他出现的第一天起,科学研究就成了我们未来世界的决定力量。就是因为这些研究,你们人类,作为地球上唯一的智慧生物,打开了自己希望的翅膀。更重要的是,它对人类来说也是很有益的。你可以想象在清晨我们醒来之后,就可以在书桌旁开始上网,如果没有数以万计的计算机先
39、驱的实验的话?与之相似,这也是十分有可能的,那就是我们的子孙将会有机会参加穿越虫洞的旅行,而他会感谢作为祖先的你,因为你为科学研究投了郑重的一票。总而言之,空间项目有很大的潜力,应该放在造福人类的第一优先级作为考虑。 无老师精析: 第一句,优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research.对比平庸范例The main reason that I support space technology is the potential of scien
40、ce. 本句话,我们平时写支持某个观点,很有可能写的就是类似于平庸范例的The main reason that I support,用动词support来表示支持。但是优秀范例故意用了名词性的my propensity for就显得词汇量非常丰富,而且也使得表达方式很新颖和多样化,其实这可以当做一个小的模板来用,然后再接下来,优秀范例的the potential为后文铺平了道路,也指明了本段的写作方向,这都是极好的加分点! 第二句,优秀范例No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, sci
41、entific research had become the very dictator of our future.对比平庸范例Now matter how many impacts they have made, from the first day, science was our future worlds important power.首先本句用了the impact和it occur与前一句的potential of scientific research相呼应,使得前后两句话相关联起来。然后再接下来,优秀范例用了No matter作为句首,使得本句话没有延续上句的主谓宾的节奏
42、,使得读者读起来不会感觉到疲劳,而且本句话的两个逗号也非常好的调整了本句话的节奏,使得读者读起来会感觉结构很易懂,这是作为句型的优点。表达方法上来说,优秀范例不仅用了advent来显示自己的词汇的丰富性,而且还分别用了the moment of和very来对其进行强调,这是非常漂亮的加分项,然后优秀范例还不满足,又再次祭出了强调用法very来强调dictator,其实这里最漂亮的,就是dictator这个词,因为我们平时最有可能用到的并不是dictator这个词,而是很有可能用到determine这样的词,但是作者跳出了这句局限,用了dictator“独裁者”来显示其的权威性,这就好像说一个人
43、漂亮,不单纯说其很漂亮,而是说对方把范冰冰、李冰冰、angelbaby的优点集合于一身的感觉,这就写得非常令人感同身受,赞()/ ! 第三句,优秀范例It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on the earth, began to beat their wings of aspiration.对比平庸范例Because of these science, humans as the first clever animal, open their hopes wing.就
44、会发现平庸范例的as the first clever animal和hopes wing真的都只是东施效颦,写的完全词不达意。首先优秀范例用了强调句式It isthat,特别强调researches 的作用,而且这里的these researches还起到与前文呼应的作用,使得本句与前一句所提到scientific research产生关联,说明本句话与前一句话,还是讨论相同的内容。而且从第一句的,单纯的主谓宾句式,到第二句的No matter位于句首,再到本句话的It isthat的强调句式3句话,每句一个新的表达方式,让考官怎能不加分!然后优秀范例竟然再次祭出同位语!the only c
45、reature with intelligence on earth对于前面的human beings进行解释和说明,相当于大魔术之中,也就是3句话3个句型之中,又套了一个小魔术同位语,真是让人击掌叫好!而且在这里,优秀范例的选词也都非常书面化,creature和intelligence都是非常书面化的用语,而且最后又用on earth对其进行限定,漂亮!而且这里的结尾写得非常有诗意!beat their wings of aspiration“张开了希望的翅膀”,几乎是诗意的文字!考官看到都要醉了! 第四句,优秀范例And more importantly, it had indeed do
46、ne a great good for the humankind.对比平庸范例The more important thing is that it is very good to humans.优秀范例首先又用and和more与前文进行连接,然后优秀范例的more importantly,看似平淡无奇,但是当我们看到平庸范例的The more important thing看吐了之后,就发现,优秀范例写的真简洁,真好啊!然后优秀范例又用了indeed来进行语气的加强,加分!其后a great good看似平淡无奇,不就是表示“好”么,有什么了不起的。实际上吧,小伙伴们有没有发现,这里的go
47、od,不是形容词,而是名词!是的,这里的good不是形容词,“好”的意思,而是名词“善良”的意思!是不是感觉,自己之前都没有这样用过? 第五句,优秀范例Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk after rising in the morning without the research of millions of computer ancestors?平庸范例You can think when we are awake in the morning, we can go to the intern
48、et on our desk, if we do not have so many computer old people?首先,优秀范例的Can you imagine,写的很地道!然后再接下来,不知道小伙伴们有没有疑惑过,“上网”到底该怎么写?是的,优秀范例,在这里给你做了一个完美的范例getting access to the world wide web,精彩!然后“早晨起来”到底该怎么写,我们通常都是像平庸范例一样,写个从句when we are awake in the morning,但是实际上,优秀范例,只需要一个简单的介宾短语after rising in the morni
49、ng,这就够了!为什么要用那么麻烦的从句的形式呢?同理,你们再比较一下优秀范例的without the research of millions of computer ancestors和平庸范例的if we do not have so many computer old people,懂不? 第六句,优秀范例Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the “worm hole” while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research.对比平庸范例Similarly, that is possible that our next generations can join the worm hole journey,