1、DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - 03.13 - COME PLAY WIZ ME(formatted by Amanda)BREES HOUSEOrson Hodge stands in front of his mirror, looking at his teeth.Mary Alice: “If there was one thing Orson Hodge understood, it was teeth. Thats why people stopped him at barbecues.during cocktail parties.and in the occasi
2、onal mens room. Yes, when it came to teeth, people expected Dr. Hodge to have all the answers. Sadly for Orson, this was not always the case.“Bree comes into the bathroom and shows Orson the bloody teeth that she had found in Almas house.Orson: “Well, it does look a little fishy.“Bree: “Fishy? It co
3、uldnt be more obvious. Alma killed Monique. Thats why she disappeared. And I bet she pulled the teeth so people would suspect her dentist husband.“Orson: “Why would she keep them?“Bree: “Who knows? Shes probably gonna sneak in and plant them in our house.“Orson: “Well, weve saved for the trouble, ha
4、vent we? Is it a full set?“He takes the velvet bag the teeth were in and pours it out onto the bed.Bree: “Orson! Not on the duvet!“Orson: “Oh, its okay. They wont stain.“Bree: “I dont care! I am not sleeping in a bed that had your dead mistress teeth in it! Lets just take them to the police.“Orson:
5、“And say what? We cant prove these came from Almas. Shell deny ever having seen them. And dont forget, Im the one they suspect.“Bree: “Well, we have to do something.“Orson: “I agree, but not until we put them back in her house. And then well call the police. Trust me, shell never get away with it.“B
6、ree leaves the room and Orson picks up the phone and dials a number. On the other end, Gloria, his mother, picks up.Gloria: “Hello.“Orson: “Youve been very naughty, havent you?“Gloria: “Orson? Is that you?“Orson: “I know what you and Alma are up to, and its gonna stop.“Mary Alice: “Yes, Orson was an
7、 expert on teeth.“Gloria: “I have no idea what youre talking about.“Orson: “Oh, I think you do.“Mary Alice: “Thats how he could tell when people were lying through them.“OPENING CREDITSHOSPITALA bleeding man is being wheeled quickly through the hospital.Mary Alice: “It can happen so quickly. In the
8、moment it takes a gunmans bullet to enter his victims leg.in the time it takes to tell a wife her husband wont be home for dinner.in the instant it takes a father to meet his son for the very first time.yes, life as we know it can change.in a heartbeat.“JANES HOSPITAL ROOMAs Jane, Ians wife, lies in
9、 her coma, her heart rate monitor speeds up and a doctor and nurse come over to look down at her.Doctor: “Janes still running a fever.“Nurse: “Yes, and she hasnt responded to any of the meds that weve tried. Do you think we should call her husband?“Doctor: “Uh, not just yet. Lets try vancomycin. It
10、worked for her before. I dont want Ian to worry.“PRISONIan and Susan introduce Mike to his new lawyer.Susan: “This is your new lawyer, Alan Marcus. Alan, this is Mike Delfino.“Alan: “Hey, Mike. Sorry I couldnt start on your case sooner. I was wrapping up an armed robbery trial.“Mike: “Its nice to fi
11、nally meet you. And you must be Ian. I cant thank you enough for helping me out here.“Ian puts his arm around Susan.Ian: “Susan and I are happy to be of assistance.“Alan: “So, should we get started?“Mike: “Sure.“Alan: “So, Mike, Ive had a chance to review all the evidence against you, and Ive got a
12、strategy to ensure your case never goes to trial.“Susan: “Dont you love this guy? Whats the strategy?“SUSANS HOUSESusan and Ian are in the kitchen.Susan: “Pleading guilty? What kind of a strategy is that?“Ian: “Hed only be pleading to manslaughter.“Susan: “Thats still ten years in prison.“Ian: “Well
13、, which is better than life. And thats what Mikes risking if he goes to trial. With good behavior, he could be out in five.“Susan: “With a better lawyer, he could be out in zero. We need to find a lawyer who believes that hes innocent.“Ian: “Well, the evidence against him is very compelling. Youre l
14、etting your feelings for him cloud your judgment.“Susan: “My feelings for him? Are we gonna do this again?“Ian: “Do you realize that every conversation we have winds up being about Mike? Whos the best lawyer for Mike? How can we get Mike acquitted?“Susan: “I have told you I love you a thousand times
15、. Where is all this jealousy coming from?“Ian: “Do you know what? I have to catch that plane to Montreal.“Susan: “What? No, Ian, we have to talk about this.“Ian: “I cant be late. Its business. Look, I have provided Mike with the best lawyer I know. If you want to get someone else, then youre on your
16、 own.“LYNETTES HOUSELynette is tucking in her shirt when Parker walks in.Parker: “Whatcha doing?“Lynette: “Oh, deciding what to wear on my first day back to work. Do I look fat in this?“Parker: “I think you look good in everything.“Lynette: “Wow. Your father has taught you well.“Parker: “What about
17、the street fair? If youre going back to work, whos gonna take me?“Lynette: “Mrs. McCluskey. Wont that be fun?“Parker: “No. Do you have to go back to work?“Lynette: “Come on. You and your brothers will be thrilled. Dont you get tired of me yelling at you to clean up your room and finish your homework
18、?“Parker: “Yeah, but youve been a lot nicer since you got shot.“Lynette: “Oh. Well, thats good to know. When you think about it, me going back to work is not that big a deal. Were only losing a little time together in the afternoon.“Parker: “But every hour counts. I miss you all day long.“Lynette: “
19、Oh, honey.jeez. Do you really mean that, or are you manipulating Mommy into feeling incredibly guilty?“Parker: “A little bit of both.“Lynette: “Yep. Your fathers taught you well.“BEAUTY PAGEANTGabrielle and Vern are sitting in the audience of the Little Miss Snowflake Pageant, waiting for the winner
20、s to be announced.Vern: “The suspense is killing me.“Gabrielle: “Shh! Here it comes.“Announcer: “And now the moment weve all been waiting for.the winner of this years Little Miss Snowflake pageant is.Sherri Maltby!“Gabrielle and Vern jump to their feet, applauding.Vern: “Im in shock.“Gabrielle: “I m
21、ean, I knew she had a shot at the top five, but to actually win?“Vern: “I was sure shed lose to that little blonde bitch who sang that patriotic medley.“Gabrielle: “I know. She practically had sparklers coming out of her ass.“Vern: “Totally shameless.“He walks over to Sherri and helps her off the st
22、age.Vern: “Okay, hon, lets go meet those reporters. What are you gonna tell em?“Sherri: “I owe it all to Beauty by Vern.“Vern: “Atta, girl.“Gabrielle starts to follow them, but shes tapped on the shoulder. When she turns around, Zach Young is there.Gabrielle: “Oh, Zach. What are you doing here?“Zach
23、: “I came to support you.“Gabrielle: “Oh. Okay, why dont you support me from the lobby? I have some networking to do. My girl just won the pageant.“Zach: “Oh, yeah, I know, and youre welcome.“Gabrielle: “What did you do?“Zach: “Dont worry. I paid the judges in cash. Theres no paper trail.“Gabrielle:
24、 “You bribed the judges?“Zach: “Gabrielle, why are we fighting? We should be celebrating. I got a limo outside, a bottle of Chilled Cristal. Come on. Lets go. Lets party.“Gabrielle: “Listen to me, you pimply psychopath. You and I are never going to party. In fact, the only reason were ever gonna be
25、in the same room again is if you strangle a cheerleader and I wind up on the jury!“Zach: “God, I love it when we banter.“Gabrielle leaves.ALMAS HOUSE - NIGHTTIMEAlma steps onto her porch from the sidewalk and sees that her front door is cracked open. She goes inside and finds Orson sitting on a chai
26、r in her living room.Orson: “Hello, Alma.“Alma: “Orson.“Orson: “Uh, I let myself in. I hope you dont mind.“Alma: “Not at all. You seem very cheerful.“Orson: “Oh, I am, cause the games over, and you lost.“Alma: “I told you what Id do if you pushed me away.“Orson: “Well, Im afraid that threat no longe
27、r has any teeth in it.“Alma: “Yes, your mother told me about Brees little discovery. Whatd you do with Moniques teeth?“Orson: “Well, maybe I threw them away. Maybe I hid them here. You might find them, if the police dont find them first.“Alma: “I dont think youll bring the police into this.“Orson: “
28、Well, neither will you now. Were done. Why dont you do us all a favor and go away?“Alma: “You shouldnt treat me this way.“Orson: “Dont bother crying. Tears mightve worked when we were married, after you lost the baby. They wont work now.“Alma: “We should have kept trying. If wed had a child, wed sti
29、ll be together.“Orson: “I know. Thats why I stopped trying. Good-bye, Alma.“LYNETTES HOUSELynette is dressed for work and in the kitchen when Tom comes downstairs.Tom: “Well, heres some sucky news.Ken just quit.“Lynette: “Your new manager? No.“Tom: “Yeah, so Im screwed. Im gonna have to drop out of
30、the street fair.“Lynette: “Tom, no. You cant. You cant. The pizzeria opens in a week, and that street fair is the best advertising were gonna get.“Tom: “I know, but I cant work it alone.“Lynette: “Well, you know, hire someone else.“Tom: “Well, theres no time for that.“Lynette: “The future of the res
31、taurant is at stake. It is time to get creative.“Tom: “Well, I do have one option, but it would require some sacrifice.“Lynette: “Well, whatever it is gonna take.“Tom: “You could help me.“Lynette: “What?! No. Uh-Uh. Look, Im wearing makeup. I am holding a briefcase. What does this suggest to you?“To
32、m: “You could call in sick.“Lynette: “I cant call in sick after eight weeks of sick leave, especially when Ive been fine for three of them.“Outside, a car horn honks.Lynette: “Crap, thats Ed.“Tom: “Lynette? Lynette, please? Youre the one who said that we need the street fair.“Lynette: “My boss is wa
33、iting for me outside in his car. What am I supposed to do?“Tom: “Its time to get creative.“Outside, Ed and another employee lean against their car. Lynette comes outside, wearing the arm sling and looking exhausted.Ed: “There she is.“Lynette: “Hey, guys.“Ed: “Boy, didnt expect you to still be wearin
34、g a sling.“Lynette: “Yeah.it heals a little slower when the bullets still in there.“Ed: “They couldnt get it out?“Lynette: “No, its too close.“Employee: “To what?“Lynette: “Everything.“Ed: “God, Im so sorry. Hey, you got a little cereal right.“Ed leans over and points to the little bit of cereal by
35、Lynettes mouth.Lynette: “Cereal? I didnt have any.oh, I know what that is. I get nauseous from the pain, So thats just a little residual vomit.“Ed: “Lynette, you sure youre ready to come back to work?“Lynette: “Yeah! Dont be silly. Im fine. Come on. Lets go sell some toothpaste.“Ed: “All righty!“Emp
36、loyee: “Lets go.“Ed takes her arm to help her into the car and Lynette shrieks.Lynette: “Oh, son of a bitch!“Ed: “Im sorry!“Lynette: “Dont touch me, okay?“Ed: “Anything we can do?“Lynette: “My pills! My pain pills are in my bag.“He gets out the pills.Lynette: “Thanks.“She drops the pills onto the gr
37、ound after he shakes some into her hand.Lynette: “Oh, my pills! I need my pills, and now theyre all dirty!“Later, Lynette is standing on the sidewalk as Ed and the other employee drives away.Lynette: “See ya next week! Thanks for understanding!“PRISONPaul is reading a book at a table. Mike comes ove
38、r and sits down next to him.Mike: “Hey. Looks like an interesting book. Whats it about?“He knocks the book to the floor.Mike: “Nevermind. Ill wait for the movie.“Paul: “Whats eating you?“Mike: “Those two guys you saved me from? I know you paid em to attack me.“Paul: “Thats a lie.“Mike slams Paul up
39、against the wall.Mike: “You wanna take a minute to reconsider that?“Paul: “Okay. Okay. I needed a favor, and I wanted you to owe me.“Mike: “What favor?“Paul: “You sure you want to get into this now?“Mike: “Yeah.“Paul: “Okay. You remember my son Zach?“Mike: “Vaguely. Why?“Paul: “Turns out you and I s
40、hare more than a cellblock.“OUTSIDE BREES HOUSEBree is watering her garden when Gloria comes over.Gloria: “Hello, Bree. May I come in?“Bree: “Whats a garden without a snake?“Gloria: “I realize Im not your favorite person, but I thought you should know why Almas moved here. She wants Orson back.“Bree
41、: “Thanks for the heads-up. Now off you go.“Gloria: “Orson and I may have our spats, but Im still deeply concerned about the state of his soul. Adultery is a sin.“Bree: “I wouldnt worry about Orsons soul. He wont be sleeping with Alma.“Gloria: “When I said adultery, I wasnt referring to Orson and Al
42、ma. I meant Orson and you.“Bree: “Excuse me?“Gloria: “Our church doesnt accept divorce. In the eyes of God, youre the other woman. Im sure you dont see it that way, but Alma and I do. And Orsons beginning to.“Bree: “Are those shoes suede?“Gloria: “Yes. Why?“Bree turns the hose onto Glorias shoes.Bre
43、e: “No reason.“PRISONMike: “Why the hell didnt anybody tell me I had a son?“Paul: “Youd just come out of a coma. They probably figured you had enough on your plate.“Mike: “Well, why are you telling me now?“Paul: “Zach and I havent spoken in months. Every time Ive tried to contact him, he wont return
44、 the calls.“Mike: “I dont know what you expect me to do. I barely remember the kid.“Paul: “Yes, but he remembers you, and I think if you reach out to him, hell talk to you. Zach is all I have left in the world. Through everything thats happened, Ive never stopped loving him. Can you please get him t
45、o come down here and see me?“Mike: “Thats one hell of a favor. Man, you got some nerve.“Paul: “I know. Its kind of what got me in here.“OUTSIDE GABRIELLES HOUSEA floral delivery truck is parked outside of Gabrielles house and a delivery man carries flowers up to Gabrielles door. Lynette and Susan wa
46、tch from across the street.Susan: “Is it Gabys birthday?“Lynette: “No, theyre probably from Zach Young.“Susan: “What?“Lynette: “You havent heard? He has been begging Gaby to go on a date with him. Hes been sending her all sorts of stuff to bribe her, even a diamond bracelet.“Susan: “Zach Young? Our
47、Zach Young? How does he afford diamonds?“Lynette: “His grandfather left him all that money.“Susan: “Yeah, I thought it was in a trust, and he couldnt touch it.“Lynette: “Until he turned eighteen, which was a month ago.“Susan: “Wow. So Zach Young is loaded, huh?“GABRIELLES HOUSESusan is talking with
48、Gabrielle.Gabrielle: “No. Absolutely not.“Susan: “Oh, come on. Mike needs a great lawyer. Zach can afford a great lawyer.“Gabrielle: “I dont care. Im not going out with Zach Young!“Susan: “Its one little date.“Gabrielle: “You wouldnt even let your own daughter go out with him. You said he was a psyc
49、ho.“Susan: “Hes matured. to the tune of a billion dollars. Please do this.for Mike.“Gabrielle: “Susan, do you know what your obsession with Mike has cost you? First you piss off Bree and then Ian, and now youre pimping me out to a teenager!“Susan: “Okay, I deserve the pimping remark, but lets not pretend that, you know, were above teenagers. Gaby, youre all Ive got.“Gabrielle: “Oh, fine,
