1、搞笑 5 人英语剧本西门吹雪与叶孤城 演员表：西门吹雪叶孤城花满楼king旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .Birdsaredancinginthecold .Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .Windiscominginsilence.Another mysteriousmanapproaches .Y 与 X 相遇X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.X:Exc
2、useme ， whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname? Y:ha ha ,Iwontchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. Imthemostfamous-YeGucheng. Whoareyou?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y 惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?X:Yes,whatiswrong? Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?X:Great, youknowme !Y 抱腿：Please, please Dontkillme! letmeyougo!X
3、:No, Imustkillyou !Y:Idontwanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?Y 突然站起冷冷的说：Dont forceme!X:Pardon!(Y 拿出一袋牛奶 )X 抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?Y:pleasedrinkit!X 喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,haY:Doyousti
4、llwanttokillme?X:Sure, must! milkismilk.Y( 恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?X:ImsureIwont!Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdontbeatyourthistime, youllneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!X 捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !Y 大笑：HaHaX 可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?Y:What ?X:Toliet?Y:What ?X:The “WC
5、”?Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!X:Thanks,byebye.Y 掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!Y:Whoareyou?H:Hua-man-lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,haH 惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!Y:Youareright!H:T
6、eriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?Y:Yes,Itsverygood.H:Ok, followme, Letsgotoseemyking!Y:Ok,Let s go!第二幕：无间道H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指 Y） thisisyegucheng.K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.H 走到 Y 前， 婚礼进行曲起，H 神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssu
7、chascold headache,sair and aids?Y: Yes,Ido.K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger! （音乐停）X 唱着上:Onlyyou(看到戒子 ) thisringshouldbemine!K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?Y 急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isnt it ?Y:How clev
8、er X 冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!Y 抱 X 的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!X:Forgiveme? Why?Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, Illtellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtel
9、l theladys“WC”!Y:Ilikegoingladys WC .I IIthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(又拿出一袋牛奶)X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)K: ayixidailu?Whatsthemeaning? whyIalsocantunderstandyou?X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.K:Dont saythat“you love me”. Illkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!X:What? (侧耳装着听不到 ) You-kill-me
10、?come, come(上去抓住 K)K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!X:Howcanyoukillme? hahaY:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X 捂着肚子，蹲下)K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou haveavacation.Y:That s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhoh
11、asthesimilartastewithme! HahahaY:Hahaha-H:Wheressomewhere?K:What? Y:Doyouwanttogoladys“WC”?X:Yes,I I do.H 顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcantgotoLadys “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!X: whatifImthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutImstillsomiserabl
12、e ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLadys WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?H: my
13、real name isLuXiaofeng-the wifeofX .Imaspy.K 惊讶: !you-you-YouareLuXiaofeng ? Xwife ?Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,j
14、ust for today ! (轻声说) willdie ,goandseehim ,please .H 扑倒在的身边：,do t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning ! K:what amoving story !I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !H: life isa progress ,and it is del
15、ight that itneednt resume ! (H 忽然将一把匕首插进 Y 的心脏，吓跑.音乐再见，警察起)Y 痛苦状:dontleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat Im wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you-help me . Ill never dothat again !(Y 死，音乐停)（X 咳，H 扑到身边，电影我的父亲
16、母亲原声音乐起）H: X , oh , no ,you cant die ,we will go home together .X:gohome ! ?H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot
17、 timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor. promise meyou will survive. that youwillnevergiveup. nomatter what happens. no matter howhopeless. promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.H: I promise . X:Never let go . H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go , X.Ill never letgo.(X 死)H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H 自刎，艰难的爬到 X 身边死.音乐停。 ）
