1、 1六人英语搞笑剧本 孔雀东南飞Wander severy five miles 焦仲卿 Johnny (Jforshort) 刘兰芝 Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母 Johnnys mother (JMforshort) 刘母 Lunchsmother(LMforshort) 太守之子 Mayorsson (MSforshort) 强盗 Burglars(ABandC) (Johnny（焦仲卿）作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J 被打中,狼狈不堪) Johnny（焦仲卿）:Everybody says that Im henpecked,but in fact,Im as stron
2、g as a tiger,(小声)while my wifeis Wu Song. (指着上台 处的门大声道)Im not afraid of you! (内砸出一脸盆, Johnny（焦仲卿）接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,Im afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tend
3、er than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中 Johnny（焦仲卿）) My God!Who can help me?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,作窃听状) 焦母（JM）(拄拐棍上):I can! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? 刘兰芝 Lunch (扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):Im here!Whats up mum? 焦母（JM）:Ive told you again and again that yo
4、u should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. 刘兰芝 Lunch :OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,whats up? 焦母（JM）:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so lazy 刘兰芝 Lunch :But 焦母（JM）:Never interrupt me! 刘兰芝 Lunch:
5、Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised ten soft housands of pigs and ducks and chicken and 焦母（JM）:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson! 刘兰芝 Lunch (生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grands
6、on,dont you?(开始解围裙)Goan dask your son.Im leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在焦母（JM）的脸上,下) Act2 (焦母（JM）坐在台上打毛线刘兰芝 Luch 拿着锅铲上) 刘兰芝(Luch):Mum,Im back! 焦母（JM）:You are back?Why?What happened? 刘兰芝(Luch):I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest motherin-law. 焦母（JM）(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told yo
7、u!When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself 2刘兰芝(Luch):But,mum 焦母（JM）:Never interrupt me! 刘兰芝(Luch):Mum,Im not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And Ill marry whom ev
8、er you want me to. 刘母 Lunchsmother (大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayors son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Havent been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,Ill go and tell him.(下) 刘兰芝(Luch):What?The mayors son?The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手
9、中的锅 铲掉在地上)What as illy thing I have done!(下) Act3 (焦仲卿 Johnny 睡眼惺忪上) 焦仲卿 Johnny (边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,Im so hungry!But theres no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
10、裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself. 焦母（JM）:Wheres my breakfast?Wheres Lunch?Hasnt she got up yet? 焦仲卿 Johnny:Mum,cant you remember?Lunch has gone! 焦母（JM）(沉吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny
11、,a son without a wifeis useless.Lunch is an ice girl,go and take her back! 焦仲卿 Johnny (立正敬礼):Yes madam! Act4 (焦仲卿 Johnny 开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地 踩在一块大石头上) B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:If you want to go by this street-(欲踩石头，但踩到了 A 的
12、脚) AB&C:Give us all your money! 焦仲卿 Johnny (搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出 1 角硬币):Is1 mao enough? (三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) 3A:What bad luck!This guy is broken! B:If we can not robany money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight! C:I heard that the mayors son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and ro
13、b the wedding! A&B:Good idea! 焦仲卿 Johnny (惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?Its impossible! AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple! 焦仲卿 Johnny:But Lunch is my wife!We havent got divorced yet! (突然有了主意)Ive got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,dont you?Ill go with yo
14、u.You take the money and I take the bride. B:Have you got any experience? 焦仲卿 Johnny:No.But Ive got this!(J 脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书1， 000，000) Act5 (转眼已到了婚礼之期太守之子意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，刘兰芝 Luch 盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (焦仲卿 Johnny 和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&焦仲卿 Johnny:Hey you!Stop and listen to us! A:The road is built by me! B:And I plan
15、ted one tree. C:If you want to go by this street- 焦仲卿 Johnny:Give us all your money! 刘兰芝(Luch)听到焦仲卿 Johnny 的声音，掀起了盖 头) 刘兰芝(Luch) (惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到焦仲卿 Johnny 的身边并躲到了的身后) (太守之子大怒，挥拳向焦仲卿 Johnn 打来焦仲卿 Johnny 矮身一躲， 太守之子打中了焦仲卿 Johnny身后的刘兰芝(Luch)，刘兰芝(Luch) 晕倒) 焦仲卿 Johnny (火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向太守之子 冲去） (焦仲卿 Johnny 与太守之子混战，焦母上，以拐杖 击晕太守之子) (焦仲卿 Johnn 将太守之子胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) 焦仲卿 Johnny (扶起刘兰芝(Luch) ，关切地问):Honey,how are you? 刘兰芝(Luch) (哭状):I hurt a lot! 焦仲卿 Johnny:Dont cry baby.Ill go and fetch the medicine. (下) 刘兰芝(Luch) (起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
